Adele 21
by DRACON1US
Summary: DALTONVERSE! Logan is determined to understand his feelings for Jules. What will it take to turn Warblerland upside down? One kiss. Can Logan catch Julian before he falls? Or was he the one who dropped him? Jogan! Now finished!
1. Chapter 1

_a/n_

_This is Daltonverse! If you don't understand what that means, you have been living a sad life up to this point. __The wait for ep27 was just too long! I had to use my imagination... so here is a little JOGAN for you all_

_I really hope you guys like Adele because you're gonna be getting a whole bunch of it :) VERY much inspired by her album 21!_

_Please accept this as my official application to join the gondala!_

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><p><strong><span>Track 01<span>**

**Rolling in the Deep**

****Logan would look back on this day and remember it as the biggest mistake of his life, quickly replacing the first time he hit Blaine and learned what that kind of violence felt like. Of course, it had felt completely logical at the time. But then again, a lot of things didn't go through his head the way they were supposed to when he was just off his medication. And in what had become the unfamiliar rush of feelings and impulses that he'd been stripped of for however many months he'd been on medication, he made a decision.

Did he think through it? No. Did he realize how destructive this decision would become? Of course not. But he _had _to know. He had to understand this, because it was literally eating at him from the inside. He had been so sure of things a couple of weeks ago. But all of a sudden... all of a sudden he wasn't sure of anything.

He stood in front of Windsor house and saw Kurt sitting alone in the common room through the window, he didn't hesitate for a second.

It was easy getting in. Everyone's parents were on and off campus so often these days, whether they were quickly moving their kids out or checking on their kids in case Dalton stumbled into another horror movie. So the dorms were almost always left open these days.

Logan, determined, strutted right into the common room. Kurt had an essay he was editing in front of him, but he was texting on his phone. Why Kurt was editing a paper when classes had been cancelled indefinitely was beside him, but it didn't matter. Kurt looked up immediately when he heard the doors open, "Logan!" There was always that moment of apprehension, almost fear, when Kurt saw him. And Logan, for the first time, wasn't angry about it.

"How did you get in-"

"Not important," Logan said, easily cutting him off, "I need you to do something for me."

Kurt looked at him suspiciously. "Okay..." he said, dragging the word out. He put his phone on the desk and gave Logan his full attention. "It depends on what the something is," he said. He stood and sat against the back of the couch a comfortable distance away from Logan.

Logan let out a hasty breath, taking a step forward. Kurt leaned back just barely, Logan noticed, he noticed everything Kurt did. But again, it didn't seem like it mattered anymore. "Listen, it's kind of a big favor," he said.

Kurt looked at him carefully, looking between his eyes, "Did you take your medicine?"

He sighed angrily, "I don't have my new prescription since I was _drugged,_ thanks," he said frustrated. Kurt didn't look amused and he looked at the door, seeing if anyone was around should he need back-up. Logan didn't miss this, so he adjusted his tone, "It's just... I'm just really trying to figure out some things."

Kurt crossed his arms and looked hard at him, "What kind of things?"

Logan closed his eyes in impatience, "_Julian _things. Please, Kurt."

Kurt's eyebrows both raised and he held back a smile, "Oh, okay then. Whatever you need."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah," Kurt said seriously, "I want to help."

"Okay, great," he said and he took a step closer to Kurt and put one hand on the side of his face.

"Logan! Don-" and without warning his lips were on Kurt's. Kurt's whole body tensed at the contact and he couldn't move.

Logan was _kissing _Kurt right there in Windsor for all the world to see.

Kurt stood perfectly still, unable to move. All he could think was _not again, please not again._ He could feel Logan's lips moving against his, but he could feel other things too... two hands holding his shoulders with a death grip. He could taste Logan, who was sweeter than Blaine, but Kurt could also taste that flavor that had seemed to linger on his lips for hours after Karofsky had assaulted him. There wasn't the same violent brutality as his first kiss, but the familiarity of being forced upon was making his eyes sting and he couldn't shake the image of Karofsky's hulking form out of his mind.

A second.

Two seconds.

Three.

He felt the sob building up in his throat as the moments passed by, praying to god he would _stop, please, just stop._

As much as he tried to will himself to do something, to _stop_ this, that irrational fear took over and he couldn't move a single muscle.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, Logan pulled away. "Nothing!" he said, his face was still close, too close, to Kurt's. His eyes were shining and he was quite literally the picture of happiness, "Absolutely nothing!" He was positively beaming.

And then, "Kurt?" Logan asked uncertainly as he noticed, for the first time, the tears pouring down the other boy's face.

And that's when the fist collided with his temple.

* * *

><p>"Blaine!" it came out as a sob. Blaine stood where Logan had been a moment earlier, staring at Kurt with wide eyes that were rapidly filling with tears.<p>

"I didn't! He just-" he could barely get any words out through the tears. He felt dirty... and guilty. "I didn't want him to," he managed to say at last. It was one of those moments where you knew you were telling the truth, but you felt like you were lying.

Blaine took a step back from Kurt, not saying a single word. Kurt tried to grab Blaine's hand but Blaine pulled it away from his reach. Kurt's outstretched hand flew to his mouth while he tried to stifle a sob.

"I-I-" Blaine's voice was shaking. He clumsily wiped away a tear with his palm and took another step backwards. He looked down at Logan, passed out on the ground. And that's when Kurt noticed the red spreading across his left shoulder.

"Blaine, you're bleeding!"

Blaine looked down at his shoulder but didn't move. He watched his white shirt slowly stain red. The pain in his shoulder hadn't registered, surely the pain in his chest was much more serious. But he could see it now, and all at once he remembered his stitches.

"Oh my god," this voice was coming from the doorway, where Reed was standing, eyes wide. They both looked up at the sound.

"Call an ambulance!" Kurt shouted from where he stood.

Blaine realized that his vision was blurring and his stomach started rolling. What was that ringing in his ears? He watched Kurt tip to the side as he rushed to catch him and and then his tear-streaked face faded into black.

* * *

><p>Julian stalked into his room. Derek followed quickly behind, and Julian slammed the door behind him. Derek didn't even flinch. Being best friends with Julian and Logan came with a lot of slammed doors.<p>

"Go ahead then," Julian said, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

Derek shook his head, "They're just rumors, Julian. I honestly have no idea what to believe."

"Well I, for one, don't have trouble believing anything when it comes to Logan. He doesn't have very many limits, now does he?" he said harshly.

Derek just looked at him, torn. He knew that this could easily ruin him.

Julian waited, and Derek still didn't say anything. "Derek, don't protect me anymore. I can't take it anymore," he said, and Derek knew he meant it. "Just tell me what they're saying," he said.

Derek sighed. Why did he always have to be the one in the middle of this? He pulled out Julian's desk chair and sat in it. "I know for sure..." Derek began, "that Kurt and Logan kissed,"

Julian rolled his eyes. Derek knew that the flippant reaction was just a show, this kid did know how to act after all. "Yes, I know," he said, "I've heard from about a dozen different people. You told me that you knew something else and you _needed _to talk to me."

"Well," he said, "I heard something else."

"Get on with it!" Julian said impatiently.

Derek let out his breath, he closed his eyes for a moment. "I heard that..." god, he didn't want to be the one to tell him this, "I heard that he tricked Kurt into kissing him," Derek said, avoiding Julian's eyes.

Julian stared, "Who told you that?"

"Reed," Derek said.

Julian stared at the floor, confused. "What does that even mean? How do you trick someone into kissing you?" Julian asked. Derek met his eyes for a moment before looking down quickly. "You're not telling me everything," he said looking hard at Derek.

"He said that he..." he started, still trying not to meet that withering glare.

"_What_ did Reed say, Derek," he said, annoyed.

Derek ran his fingers through his hair once, shook his head and finally looked up at Julian. Julian, who had been nervously looking behind him for months. Julian, who had just come home from the hospital yesterday. Julian, who could almost sleep again, who was just trying to forget.

"Reed said he used you to make him do it."

Julian stared at him blankly.

Derek started speaking in a rush, "He said that Logan lied about needing help trying to get you and he knows Kurt didn't want it."

Julian's brain went still for a moment. Painfully slowly, it sunk in. He wasn't unfamiliar with feeling angry with his friend, but there were very few things Logan could do that would shock him. In that second, he didn't just lose hope for Logan as a lover, but for Logan as a friend... maybe even as a person. And god, did it hurt. How could he not have realized what kind of person he was? What he was capable of?

He was entirely overwhelmed with anger, shock, humiliation, hurt and shame... so incredibly ashamed of the fact that he had trusted this boy, that he had loved him... that he still loved him.

And then all at once his mind started moving in fast forward. He hadn't thought through the equation before he realized he already had the solution.

_Run._

"Right, well. I can't say I'm not surprised, this is Logan after all," he said in a desperate attempt to act normal but his shaking voice gave him away. "So I think I'll be going," he said standing abruptly.

"Going where?" Derek said looking up at his friend.

"I think I'll take one of those movies after all," he said, trying to make it seem like it didn't matter.

"Whoa," Derek said standing as well, "don't you want to think about this? Maybe talk to Logan about this first?"

Julian paused suddenly in the process of pulling out his suitcase which was always half packed anyways. "Yeah, I'll talk to Logan. Would you mind getting him for me?" he said with a forced calm that shocked Derek.

"Uhm," he said looking at Julian suspiciously, "he's not here. He's at the hospital."

Julian's coldness cracked for a moment and Derek saw all the emotions flash for just a second behind his eyes, "What?"

"He's fine," Derek assured him, "Blaine punched him and he has a concussion I think. Or that's the last Reed heard," Derek said.

And just like that the mask returned, "Right... Well... He beat me to it then, didn't he?"

He picked up his suitcase and dropped it unceremoniously on the bed. "Julian, you can't leave," Derek said, trying to be patient, "You're not up for a movie right now."

Julian didn't pause in his work as he ripped all the hangers out of his closet and tossed them on the bed. He started folding all his shirts and hastily dropping them on top of the half folded things that never made it out of his suitcase from the last time.

"Not ready for a movie? How so," he said not looking up.

"Jules... you have to try to live a normal life," he said gently putting a hand on his shoulder, "You've been through too much as it is."

"And he's not going to put me through even more?" Julian asked, he winced at the way his voice sounded: broken and weak. He sounded so goddamn fragile.

He watched his hands shake as he threw a Dalton tie out of the pile. He felt like he was vibrating with the emotions he was vibrating with the emotions he was trying to contain. _Maybe this is how Logan feels... _he thought to himself.

"He's not trying to hurt y-"

"DEREK!" he swung around and stared at his friend. Derek stared back, torn between fear and pity.

Julian spoke again, but he didn't yell, "He used me."

His voice was quavering, "He used my feelings. He used my confession... my goddamn humiliating confession... as a way to manipulate Kurt." He was trying desperately to keep his voice even, but try as he might it still cracked. He forced himself to continue anyways, "How fucked up can you get? I mean he wouldn't even know-_anything-_ if some psychopath hadn't been holding _a knife_ to my neck!"

He laughed then, and it sounded dangerously close to a sob. Derek didn't want him to continue but he did, "It's funny. No, you know what it is? It's fucking _hilarious,_" Derek had never heard Julian raise his voice, but his voice was rising now at a rapid rate and it scared him, "because I've pictured every reaction he could possibly have to this! I've been thinking about it, _killing_ myself over it, for three years now! But of the hundreds of times I imagined a heart-breaking rejection or our first kiss, I _never_ could have imagined this," he was yelling now, "But, I guess I should have realized that I mattered _so little_ to that _bastard_ that I wouldn't even be_ involved_ in his reaction to me loving him."

He finished, staring at Derek. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears and his hands were shaking violently. He was breathing raggedly trying desperately not to cry. Derek, trying so hard to think what to say, was forced to watch his resolve crumble.

Each breath slowly became a whimper and two tears fell down his cheeks. "Shit... Derek..." was all he could say.

And Derek took a step forward, pulling him into a hug. Julian immediately dropped his head onto his shoulder and began crying. He clung to the back of Derek's blazer, his whole body shaking, trying to suppress the sobs.

It took Julian three tries to speak, but finally he managed to say, "Why..." he choked back a sob, "Why do-does he do these things to me?"

Derek held him tighter, "I don't know."

_We could have had it all_

* * *

><p><em>an: Unlike this chapter, most chapters will have full songs, whether they're sung by our pretty boys or not. I'm so excited to get my next chapter out, because it's what inspired me to write the whole thing. _

_What's next you ask? Track 11: Someone Like You_


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N_**

_I don't know how many of you read CP Coulter's tumblr, but there have been many suicide notes and some confirmed attempts in the fandom these past few days. Monique is doing an amazing job taking care of her fans, but she can't do it alone and I think we all know that the problem spreads past the Dalton fandom. A lot of these people were pushed over the edge because of comments left anonymously on their tumblrs and such and I just wanted to encourage whoever is reading this to look out for your friends and families and stand up for what is right. If you ever witness anything like this and think it isn't a big deal, it very well could be. Speak up! And i__f you have a moment, let CP know how grateful we all are. I think she gets a lot of responsibility heaped on her and she takes it in stride. __L__ive as an example for others and keep these wonderful people in your prayers. _

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><p><strong>Track 11<strong>

**Someone Like You**

* * *

><p>Logan woke up.<p>

He opened his eyes to the glaring lights. He went to cover his eyes but was surprised to find his arms strapped to his sides. He took a look around him and a huge wave of deja vu swept over him. He was in an ambulance of course.

Not too long ago, _Julian_ would have been lying exactly where he was now, slipping in and out of consciousness, as doctors stuck him with needles and wires and tubes. There hadn't been enough ambulances so Logan had sat on the bench, having his own vitals checked, holding Julian's gaze. He was wearing a mask that was covering the face that had made him so many millions of dollars, the mask he had to wear because he couldn't breath on his own.

Julian had been in much more need than he had been and was immediately put in the gurney while Logan was sat on the bench, being forced to sit and watch as his friend's life hung in the balance. Logan watched as Julian tried desperately to keep his eyes open. They would flutter shut for just a second and Logan's heart would stop. But then they would open wide, the fear of fading so evident, and Logan knew that same fear was mirrored in his own eyes, but not for his own life.

He had reached out to Logan at one point when they put a mask on Logan's face as well, but when Logan made to move towards him the Doctor had firmly put his hands on Logan's shoulders, keeping him from moving. But still, Logan wouldn't take his eyes off of him. He had to make sure he was okay, Julian _had_ to be okay. If he wasn't...

Logan brought himself back to the present with a shake of his head, and immediately regretted it as he became aware of his blinding headache.

"Hey champ," said a familiar voice on his left.

"Evan?" god he was confused now.

"Try again."

"Ethan," he said. There was one question answered, but he had quite a few more.

"That's the one," said the boy on his left.

Logan squeezed his eyes shut, trying to make his vision stop spinning. Someone was counting his heartbeat but he couldn't focus on them just yet. As his senses settled, he tried to understand what was going on.

"What happened?" he said finally, turning his head and looking at the blond for the first time.

Ethan shrugged his shoulders, "You kissed Kurt."

Logan's head throbbed. "Yeah," he said, the weight of that statement not quite sinking in yet, "Yeah, I guess I did... Where's Ethan?" he asked. It might not have been the most important question, but it certainly was one of the several strange things about this ambulance ride.

"They only would let one of us in here," he said looking uncomfortable. He really did seem out of his element without another identical blond head finishing his sentences.

"Why am I in an ambulance?" he supposed he should have asked this earlier.

Evan laughed, and not in a kind way. Logan would have been annoyed, but with his head feeling like someone had taken a jack-hammer to it and his body feeling like cotton, he just didn't have the energy for it. Evan leaned back, "Can't you guess?"

Logan thought for a moment, and then, "Blaine?"

"Yup," he said with a smile that didn't quite reach those blue eyes.

"Punched me," he finished his sentence.

"He did indeed," Evan said. His voice was lacking in it's usual glee at the prospect of drama. In fact his voice was a pale imitation of his usual energy, "You can't pretend you didn't deserve it."

Again, Logan's short temper and tendency for harsh comebacks would have usually had Ethan reeling in a second, but Logan couldn't bring himself to say anything. There was this terrible terrible feeling spreading in the pit of his stomach. That feeling you get right before you remember something you're horribly ashamed of, the second before your gut turns into knots and you just want to hide your face.

Logically, his brain should be working less effectively. He probably had a concussion and his head was foggy. And even so, with that throbbing headache in a sterile ambulance, he realized with sudden clarity how incredibly stupid he had been.

"So what made you do it?" Evan asked, pulling him out of his thoughts, "Was it the whole near-death experience thing?"

Logan heaved a sigh, trying to fend off the emotions that were almost threatening to spill out. "No," he said, failing to elaborate.

The silence fell between them again. The doctor had unstrapped his arms now and put his gurney into a sitting position. She finished filling out Logan's chart, said, "It looks like a basic concussion ."

Logan nodded and mumbled a, "Good." The doctor continued talking to him. He was speaking and listening, but in that manner where you haven't heard a single word they've said and don't know how you're responding. The imminent panic began to set in.

Apparently the doctor was finished because she moved into the front seat, leaving just Logan and Evan and the silence.

"Just out of curiosity," Evan started, "Did he kiss you back?"

Logan laughed and he was shocked to see the twin glaring at that. His laugh died rather quickly, "No, I think I made him cry actually."

"Oh, yeah, you made him cry," Evan said pointedly, "It might have something to do with the fact that you're not the first person to force themselves on him," Evan said simply, knowing that the impact would land without an accusation.

"What?" he almost shouted forgetting his head and the Doctor who jumped at his shout. '"I didn't-" but his voice died at the look Evan was giving him, _daring _him to deny it. "Shit..." he said quietly, "Is he okay?"

Evan looked away now, "Last time I checked he was sobbing because we told him he shouldn't go in Blaine's ambulance with Ethan."

"Blaine's ambulance?" he really did shout now, "Did I-"

"_No_, Logan," he said interrupting him, "You didn't do it _this_ time." And despite everything behind that sentence, Logan breathed a sigh of relief. He'd already gotten himself into enough trouble as it was.

"Is Blaine okay?" he asked.

"He ripped open his stitches when he punched you. He passed out about 30 seconds after you," Ethan said, still with that flat tone Logan was so unaccustomed to, "You've caused quite a ruckus today, really."

Logan pressed his palms against his eyes. _Fuck,_ he thought.

"Who knows?" he asked, not looking up.

"Who knows what?" Ethan asked, texting someone, his brother probably.

"That I kissed Kurt," he said.

"Oh," Ethan said, "Well, Evan and I obviously. Reed was the first one to find you guys and he stayed at Windsor so he's probably going to have to fill everyone in on where everyone has gone."

"Does..." Logan started, but stopped himself. _Does__Julian__know,_was what he wanted to ask, but he adjusted himself. "Does Derek know?" he asked instead.

Ethan's eyebrows furrowed, "I don't know... do you want me to call him?"

"No, no I'll tell him later" Logan said, avoiding eye contact.

"He should know you're going to the hospital," Evan said sternly, "He'd want to know. Julian too."

"NO!" he shouted, "No, I'm sorry. That was- just don't."

"What's the problem, Logan?" he asked irritated. And it caught him off guard to hear the Twin call him by his real name.

"He _can__'__t _know," Logan said, "Shit, why the hell didn't I think this through." He suddenly felt extremely claustrophobic strapped into the ambulance.

There was finally some emotion back in Evan's voice, "Logan, what's going on? Why can't I call Julian and Derek?"

"You mean they didn't tell you?" Logan asked, a little surprised despite himself, "Kurt, Reed, Blaine? None of them told you?"

"Uhh, I don't think so," Ethan said, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Well, that was... good of them," Logan said.

Ethan stared hard at him. Logan avoided his gaze thinking he'd see his secret and Julians if he looked too hard. After all Ethan and Evan seemed to read each other's minds, maybe they could read other people's too.

"Oh!" Ethan said all of a sudden.

Logan turned to see a smile widening on Evan's face, "What?"

"Ooooh," he dragged it out this time, that familiar devilish grin on his face. "There's something going on there, isn't there?" he said looking positively gleeful.

Logan sighed and looked at the ceiling. What was the use in hiding it? He'd already made a fool of himself enough today. So he said, "There definitely won't be if you call Julian and tell him what I just did."

Evan nodded, that smile still lingering, "So, answer my question."

"What?"

"Why'd you do it?" Evan said, no longer accusatory.

"Honestly," he said, "because I didn't know how I felt. How much do you know of what happened upstairs?"

Ethan shrugged, "I had thought I knew everything, but apparently not."

"Julian... was," it physically hurt Logan to remember. To remember the knife at his neck, that fear in his eyes and the utter helplessness as he was shoved up against a wall by that perverted psychopath and forced to use his own words to confess.

"He was forced to..." Logan didn't know how to say it, "Tell me things."

"Oh," Ethan said, "You mean that he's in love with you?"

Logan's eyes snapped up, "You _knew?__"_

"Of course," Ethan said, "You didn't?"

Logan groaned.

"Oh... sorry," Ethan said, "But you love him too, or at least you used to."

Logan's eyes widened, "What do you mean?"

"You know... before he left the first time. You loved him," Ethan said, shrugging his shoulders, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Logan just stared, shocked. "How the hell do you two know these things?" he asked incredulous.

He smiled a little, "If you pay attention, people tell you everything you need to know without saying a word."

Logan was amazed. He hadn't even been able to acknowledge his feelings for his friend at that age, and yet the twins knew without even being involved. But it didn't matter that he hadn't figured it out, because he pushed all of those feelings away anyways once he left... and then shoved them deeper and deeper every time after.

"You'll have to teach me that sometime," Logan said.

"Keep talking," Ethan urged.

He let out his breath, "Well... everything came rushing back when it all happened. Seeing him like that..." the image flashed before his eyes, "Well, I was suddenly in love with two people and I realized that that just couldn't be right. I must have fallen out of love with Kurt and I just... wanted to see if it was true."

Ethan whistled, "You couldn't have picked an experiment with a little less collateral damage?"

He groaned, "I wasn't on my medication and it's always... rough... the first couple weeks when I go off of it_._But I don't know," he paused, "sometimes when I'm like that, I just decide and then act."

Ethan nodded, "Well, we can fix this." He began texting someone again.

"Do you need to tell Ethan everything?" Logan said, eyeing the cell phone.

Ethan stared at him, confused. His eyebrows were pulled together, "Well... yeah."

* * *

><p><em>D: I heard... I'll be at the hospital as soon as Julian leaves.<em>

Logan's hands began to shake, reading Derek's words on his screen. He looked for so long that the screen went blank. He resisted the urge to hurl it at the wall, knowing he would need it to talk to his friends.

He was in a hospital bed, waiting for the Doctor to come tell him whether he could leave or not. Evan had left Logan to be with his brother and Blaine for a bit.

Logan scrolled through his contacts until he found the numbers he was looking for. He usually smiled at the names in his phone. They were right next to each other because they had put their own names in as, "The incredibly handsome Derek Siegerson" and "The one and only, Julian Larson." This usually made him smile. But he didn't smile today. Instead he felt like crying as the nostalgia took hold for a moment, remembering when things were simpler.

Had he been braver he may have chosen another name, but he clicked Derek's name.

It rang once.

Voicemail.

Screened. If Derek wasn't talking to him, there was next to no chance that Julian would talk to him. He tried to shake the dread that he'd ruined everything, and opened his contacts again.

He stared at that name, trying to bring himself to call him, but he got a text before he could make a decision.

_D: I'm sorry, I just can't talk to you yet._

Logan would have been angry, but he was too scared of losing Julian to react.

_L: Where's he going?_

_D: Where do you think? L.A. and then Vancouver. He has had a movie lined up and he called Carmen 5 minutes ago with his decision._

_L: I didn't even know he had any movies lined up._

_D: You didn't know a lot of things about him._

It was a slap in the face. He wasn't surprised to read the accusatory tone through his texts, but it still hurt. Derek double texted him before he had time to respond.

_D: He didn't tell you because he knew you hate hearing about all of that, you always have. I don't think he had been planning on taking it. _

That was one of those things that he hadn't even begun to consider yet. How could he _not_have seen little things like that? And if Julian had liked him all these years, why had he been so helpful during all of his past relationships? The fact that he hadn't told Logan about one of his major career choices just because he knew it bugged him made his stomach twist up with guilt.

_L: Until now... I get it. Listen, I need to talk to him. You have no idea how important this is. Please just keep him from leaving._

_D: I've done enough damage control for you today Logan. _

_L: If I call, will he pick up?_

_D: Probably not. You can try. He's getting picked up in 20 minutes._

_20__minutes, _Logan thought. _Shit._

"Just do it," he muttered to himself. He felt his heart pounding in his chest and without another thought he found the name and dialed, shoving the phone to his ear.

One ring.

_He hates me... he must hate me. _

Two rings.

_He hasn't screened it yet. Is that a good sign?_

Three rings.

_Oh god, please pick up._

Four Rings.

Heart sinking, Logan knew he wouldn't pick up.

"Hello," came the cool voice of Logan's agent. "Julian's not available to take your call. If this is a business related inquiry you can call me, his agent at 424-643-2366. If it's a personal call, leave a message and he'll get back to you as soon as his schedule allows."

_Beeeeeep_

_Oh __shit,_he thought. How do you say this in a voicemail?

"Julian," he said after a long pause. How the hell was he supposed to do this?

_You __can__'__t,_he realized.

"Julian," he said again, softer this time. "I need to talk to you. It's just that..." he was seriously regretting not planning ahead for this situation. "It's not what it looks like," he said and wanted to hit himself the moment the words were out of his mouth. It's what guilty boys said when they're caught cheating on angsty tv shows. _Maybe __I __should __audition __for __Something __Damaged,_ he thought wryly to himself. "It's really important Jules, I have to tell you something. I'm-" he took in a deep breath, "I'm begging you... please don't leave," he finished and hung the phone up.

* * *

><p>Julian heard two soft knocks at his open door. Derek was standing there looking sadly at his bare walls and empty drawers.<p>

"Hey," Julian said. Derek took a few steps into the room.

"Are you sure about this, Julian?" he asked, sitting down on Julian's desk chair.

"Absolutely sure," he said.

Derek hesitated, and then said, "Logan called me."

Julian nodded, not batting an eye, "Me too."

"Did you pick up?" Derek asked, trying not to hope.

"No, did you?" Julian said. He was closing his packed suitcase.

"No," Derek said. Julian walked over to his closet. He stared at the three sets of uniform hanging neatly. He was torn, but finally he pulled one of the ties off the hanger and rolled it up, closing the doors to his closet as he went.

But as he did so, something caught Derek's eye. There was something on the shelf that caught Derek's attention.

"Wait," he said and he pulled open both doors. He picked up the picture frame on the top shelf. It had been face down, and when Derek flipped it over he saw that it was a picture of the three of them looking much younger.

Julian was the only one looking at the camera. He was in the middle and had his arms thrown around Derek and Logan's shoulders, looking a little awkward because they were both taller, and giving a winning smile. Logan was smirking and looking down at Julian in his already unkempt uniform. Derek was outright laughing and looking away from the camera.

"You don't want to bring this?" he asked, holding out the frame. Julian looked up for only a second while he packed the stray tie into his suitcase.

"No," Julian said simply, zipping his bag once more. Derek brought the outstretched frame back.

On any other day he would have told him to stop being such a diva and take the damn photo, but he was sick of trying to fix things, trying to fix his friends who broke each other. "Where'd you even get this?" he asked looking at the picture again.

Julian stood staring at his two bags his hand on his hips. He was acting so distant, Derek wondered what he was thinking.

After a moment he answered absently, "It was a picture the paparazzi took. I found it in a tabloid and had Carmen get me a copy."

"Oh!" Derek said at once, "Is this from freshman orientation?"

Julian nodded, his eyes looking all around the room. Derek had the sneaking suspicion he would crack the moment he didn't have anything else to do or distract him. "And you two were walking with me and the paparazzi asked if you were my friends," he said, still trying to find something else to pack.

"And you told them we were the best of friends already," Derek said smiling, but just barely, "We had only just met. I thought it was the coolest thing in the world you know," he said, looking fondly at the picture. Julian snorted. "But you told us right after how much you hated that stuff," Derek said, it was almost a question.

"I do hate that stuff," Julian said, looking at Derek properly for the first time.

Derek raised an eyebrow. "Then why have you had a picture from a tabloid in your closet for three years?" Derek asked setting the frame up above his uniforms.

Julian dropped his eyes and shrugged. He turned his back to Derek again, rearranging a few things in the pockets of his suitcase. Derek waited, glancing at the picture again. The intensity of Logan's gaze was always intimidating, but there was something gentler in the way he was looking down at Julian's well-practiced smile, but with the same magnitude of emotions you could always read in his eyes. Derek almost felt himself blushing, feeling like he was intruding on a moment just by looking at it.

"I kept the photo," Julian's voice surprised him out of his train of thought, "because you and Logan look so happy in it."

Derek felt a stinging behind his eyes for the briefest of seconds, before it passed. He nodded. It still shocked him sometimes to remember just how real the actor's emotions could be, so much bigger than anything he had ever felt. Finally he asked, "And were you happy?"

Julian shook his head just slightly, he knew that he didn't just mean if he was happy in the photo. "I don't know," he said at last, "Sometimes I was... a lot of the time, actually. If I'm being honest-" he laughed to himself, "I guess I'm not the best with honesty... but I can honestly say that being here with you two has been some of the happiest times in my life."

Derek opened his mouth to argue, to tell him that that is exactly why he had to stay. But Julian held up his hand to stop him. "It's more than I could have ever asked for," he said with a smile. "I realized a couple years back how badly I wanted a regular life, and I panicked because I thought I'd never have that chance," his voice was getting softer now, "And this was the closest thing I've ever had to one... and I don't regret anything." He said the last part with a little less conviction.

Derek wanted to say something, but he didn't know if he trusted his voice with that lump in his throat. So instead he nodded. God this was so hard to watch. Why did he have to care so much about these two? He would have argued again, but he was tired, and he was damn sure Julian was tired, tired of everything.

"And there's nothing I can do to convince you?" he said once he had his voice back.

Julian shook his head, "No, I'm sorry Derek."

"Don't be," he said weakly.

Julian felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

_This __is __it,_ he thought.

"Car's here," he said it easily, as if it didn't mean the end.

Derek wanted to say something, but what was there to say? He had watched his two best friends dance around each other for years, and today he watched one of them fall apart. So instead Derek went to grab his suitcase, but Julian stopped him.

"It's fine... I'll take it from here," Julian said. He turned to leave, but stopped himself.

"Listen, Derek," Julian began, turning back from the door. He paused, his fingers drumming against the handle of his suitcase. Finally he looked up, "I just want you to know how great of a friend you have been."

Derek gave a shaky laugh, "Not good enough."

Julian shook his head. He let go of his suitcase, walked over and pulled him into a hug, "No you have been," he said, his voice soft, "To both of us."

Derek held a little tighter, "You too... you know that right?"

Julian let go without answering, so Derek spoke to his back, "I don't care what you believe or what he says or how long you were here. You were our best friend, and I-" he stopped and took a breath, "_we_won't forget that."

Julian nodded, blinking back the mist in his eyes. "Bye, Derek," he said and left it at that.

* * *

><p>"Why can't I leave yet?" he shouted at the doctor. Ethan and Evan were back, sitting in the two plastic chairs by his bedside, not even flinching at the boy screaming. "You don't understand, I <em>have<em> to go. There's something incredibly important I have to do."

The Doctor looked hard at him, she was obviously swamped and didn't have time for this. "Because you hit your head on the ground, we need to do further tests to see if you have any further neurological problems past the concussion. Now, we're getting the test results back as quickly as we can. You _need_ to calm down and wait. It'll probably be no more than a couple of hours," and with that she walked out of the room.

"He's probably already at the airport!" Logan almost shouted.

"Relax," Ethan said.

"We can handle this," Evan said.

"Yeah?" Logan's said scornfully, "How do you plan on doing that?"

"First thing's first..." Evan started.

"We need to try to stop him from leaving," Ethan said, like it was easy.

"How?" Logan said, "He won't answer my calls. I don't know what you think is happening here, but he's leaving _for __good.__"_

The two twins sat and thought for a moment. They both had identical expressions of concentration. Logan was trying desperately to contain the panic that was slowly building. And then he saw both twins look up at each other at exactly the same moment.

"Are you think-?"

"Yeah."

"Perfect," they said together.

Logan groaned, "I don't know if you two have realized this yet, but just because you can read other people's minds doesn't mean that they can you read yours... care to explain?"

"We saw something on our way in..." Ethan said.

"It might be able to help," Evan said.

"But first," Ethan said, "We need to get you out of this room." Evan nodded to Ethan and walked out almost immediately.

Logan was staring at them, his eyebrows together. "What are you two on about?"

"Trust us," Ethan said.

* * *

><p>Logan was being shoved along the hallway by the Ethan. He was quickly led through the doors under the sign that said "Pediatrics Ward."<p>

Evan peaked his head out through a colorful room, "Over here!"

Ethan hurried over, Logan trailing behind, "We're good then?"

"We should have at least 10 minutes without any interruptions," he said grinning.

"Good!" Ethan said and he stepped aside to let Logan in.

They were in a playroom that had stuffed animals, lego and barbies littering the puzzle piece floor. But it wasn't the toys that the Tweedles had led him here for, Logan immediately saw an old upright in the corner. Logan thought he was catching on.

"You can sing something," Ethan said.

"And send it to Julian," Evan said.

"We'll record it on our phone and hopefully he'll listen to it," Ethan said.

"And then he'll know," Evan said simply, shrugging his shoulders.

They were both smiling at him, confident in their plan. Logan walked over to the piano slowly, he stood at the corner of it, not going any closer. He looked back at the twins who were still smiling at him.

He tried to understand why he was so nervous.

"What should I sing?" he asked, a little helpless.

"We can't answer that," Evan said.

Logan nodded and took two steps so he was standing in front of the stool, but didn't sit yet.

"How do you know that he'll understand?" he asked, now truly unsettled at the butterflies in his stomach.

The twins looked at each other than and smirked, as if to say _Silly__Knave._

"If you mean it, he'll understand," Ethan said.

"He'll just be able to..." Evan started but his voice trailed off.

"Hear it," Ethan provided.

Evan nodded, "He'll be able to hear everything.

Logan let out his breath and sat on the bench. He pulled it forward a little and let his fingers ghost over the keys, not playing anything yet. He closed his eyes and shook off the apprehension. _This __could __be __your __only __chance,_ he said to himself, _You __have __to __find __a __way __to __keep __him._

Ethan propped his phone up where the sheet music usually went.

"Whenever you're ready," Ethan said.

Logan nodded. His fingers still playing over the notes without making a sound. And then his fingers began tracing a familiar pattern and those lyrics came to mind. He took a sharp intake of breath as he realized exactly what he wanted to play.

"Would you mind..." Logan began, and then felt guilty.

"We'll leave you alone," Evan said.

"Press the red button to record and hit stop and save once you're finished," Ethan said.

Logan turned back to the keys, "Okay... thanks."

Quickly running through the lyrics in his head, making a few changes, he heard the twins leave the room. It said enough... and if this was _goodbye,_which it very well could be_..._well then it said everything. He didn't wait, he pressed the red button almost immediately, taking a deep breath.

_Now __or __never, _he thought to himself.

And he began to play.

* * *

><p>Julian was sitting in the back of the limo his agent had managed to provide with half an hour's notice. He hadn't stopped fiddling with his phone, staring at the voicemail icon in the upper left hand-corner. It had taken every ounce of his will-power not to listen to it. He didn't want this to be any harder.<p>

He was already half-way to the airport when, already staring at his blank screen, it lit up. There was a message from an unknown number. It was a sign of how much he'd been through that his heart skipped a beat from fear at the idea of being contacted by an unknown number.

_Stupid,_ Julian thought to himself. _Adam __wasn__'__t __a __threat __anymore..._

So he opened it and saw his phone downloading a file much larger than a text message. He considered canceling it, but curiosity and that hateful hope got the best of him. He waited, and finally it opened. The window opened and he read the text above the file, staring with wide eyes.

_It's Logan... I'm so sorry. Please listen to this and please don't go._

Julian felt his breath hitch. He knew he should ignore it, the same way he ignored the voicemail. He was trying to be rational, trying to remind himself that he just _couldn__'__t _trust Logan. But then again, that same rational side couldn't make him bring himself to actually _delete _said voicemail.

His finger hovered over the 'open' button, wanting so desperately to hear it. He wanted to feel okay again, he wanted to trust Logan, he really did. But he knew he couldn't anymore. The screen went blank, and after a pause he tossed his phone on the seat next to him.

His mind was racing... he had _kissed _Kurt that morning. He had used Julian in ways that were never okay. Never. He couldn't forgive him. There was just no way... no way that he could possibly-

And he grabbed the phone, suddenly deciding, and opened the file. His heart was pounding so hard that he could feel it beating in his chest.

There was crackling but nothing else, the sound quality wasn't great. He looked up to make sure the window to the driver's seat was closed, and waited with his heart in his throat for something to happen.

And then he heard a very familiar piano line. He knew the song... he held the phone closer to his ear.

Then he heard Logan begin to sing.

_Old friend, why are you so shy?_

_Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light_

Julian's eyes widened at the tone of his voice. He had never sounded like this before.

_I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited_

_But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it._

He sounded... _amazing. _He hated himself for the warmth that spread through him just hearing his voice. Logan had always been an unbelievable singer, it was one of the first things Julian fell for. But there was something so _effortless_ in the way he was singing now, so uncomplicated. He had never sounded like this, not when he sang with Kurt or with Blaine or anyone.

_I had hoped you'd hear my voice _

_And that you'd be reminded_

_That for me it isn't over_

Julian closed his eyes, feeling a lump in his throat. _Isn__'__t__it__though?_he thought to himself.

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you_

_I wish nothing but the best for you_

Usually, Julian could hear the emotion beneath the music, but right now his emotions were the music. It was like someone had stripped everything from his voice except for that barest meaning, and Julian could hear _Logan_ more clearly than ever before.

_Don't forget me, I beg_

_I remember you said,_

_Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,_

_Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,_

And Julian almost wanted to laugh at that. And yet, hadn't he said just that to Logan so many times before? Running damage control with Blaine? Joshua? Kurt?

_You know how the time flies_

_Only yesterday was the time of our lives_

What he would give for yesterday.

_We were born and raised_

_In a summer haze_

_Bound by the surprise of our glory days_

Memories of summers together, nights spent talking instead of studying, coffee breaks, silly fights and real ones jumbled together behind his misting eyes.

_I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited_

_But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it._

_I had hoped you'd hear my voice _

_And that you'd be reminded_

_That for me it isn't over._

Logan's voice was stronger now, but he still sang with that simple and beautiful quality in his voice that still amazed Julian.

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you_

_I wish nothing but the best for you_

_Don't forget me, I beg_

Julian squeezed his eyes shut, two tears falling from his eyes.

_I remember you said,_

_"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."_

The piano picked up. Julian closed his eyes and imagined Logan's fingers running across the Warbler's Steinway easily like he'd watched so many times from afar.

_Nothing compares_

_No worries or cares_

_Regrets and mistakes_

_They are memories made._

Julian heard Logan take a shallow breath.

_Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?_

His voice was getting softer now, and Julian felt like it was pulling him down with it.

The piano part was simple now, just the bare chords. He could hear Logan's breathing clearly between lines now. His voice was just barely muffled now.

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you_

_I wish nothing but the best for you_

_Don't forget me-_

Logan's voice cracked and the music stopped. Julian opened his eyes and listened to the silence. Logan's breath was coming quickly, but he tried again.

_Don't forget me, I beg_

_I remember you said,_

_"Sometimes it lasts in love-"_

His voice cracked again, and he heard Logan swear under his breath. Julian waited, his heart breaking when he heard a sniffle and a shallow, wet breath. Logan began playing the chords again for a measure, then stopped again.

There was the sound of movement and then a click and it was over.

Julian was surprised that the tears were still coming silently. He didn't bother to wipe them away.

He stared at the phone which had exited out of the file on it's own so he was staring at the original message. He stared at one part in particular.

_I'm so sorry._

He wracked his brains, trying to remember when Logan had ever apologized to him.

"Mr. Larson? Aren't you going to get out?" said the man at his door. It was the driver and he was looking at Julian expectantly.

He hadn't even realized that they had stopped, none the less arrived at the airport. He scrubbed the tears off his face, embarrassed and always on the watch for paparazzi.

He stared at the phone again, still completely floored by that song.

He read those words one more time. _Please __don__'__t __go._

* * *

><p><em>an: Long chapter! __So I have seven 'Tracks' planned out as of right now and (again) I cannot wait to write the next chapter. BUT I won't tell you which Track it is :)_

_Everything belongs to the wonderful CP Coulter, Glee and Adele!_

_Thank you for the reviews guys!_

_-Liz_


	3. Chapter 3

**Track 03**

_Turning Tables_

* * *

><p>Logan had sat on the piano bench by himself for a while after he finished playing. He had his face in his hands, trying to calm himself down. He couldn't remember ever feeling anything that...<em>big<em> in his life, and anything that compared was fury. For the first time in his life, he had felt an emotion that rivaled the magnitude of his anger.

Logan stepped out of the playroom a few minutes after he had finished his song. The Twins made a point not to comment or even look at his red-rimmed eyes. They walked back in silence this time, the twins smiling faintly and Logan sniffling every once in a while.

The Twins made to go down a hall that wasn't his, "Where are you going?" he asked them.

"Blaine's room," Ethan said.

Logan's face fell, he had completely forgotten about Blaine once he found out Julian was leaving. He made to go back to his room, then paused. "Is he okay?" Logan asked hesitantly.

"Oh yeah, he's fine," Evan said. "He should be able to leave soon, they were redoing his stitches last time we checked."

Logan nodded, "Okay... well, good."

The twins smiled at him and walked away. He was only walking for a few steps when he nearly walked into his hassled Doctor.

"?" she said, looking thoroughly annoyed, "You shouldn't be out of your hospital bed! Exertion after any type of head trauma can lead to serious repercussions."

_Of course_, he thought, _I get caught the second the tweedles walk away_. How they managed to get away with all the trouble they made was a mystery to him. So he walked back to his room and sat back down on his sterile bed.

He felt helpless. He just didn't have a plan from here. All he could do was stare at his phone in a silent prayer that Julian would hear his song and understand. It was probably lucky that the knock at the door came when it did, because Logan needed the distraction.

"Blaine?" he asked, surprised.

And sure enough, it was Blaine. He wasn't quite in the room. Instead he was leaning against the doorframe on his good shoulder. "Hey," Blaine said.

Logan just stared. There was an awkward pause that fell then. Logan looked at his bedsheets and Blaine didn't make any move to come into the room. They both spoke at the same moment

"How are you feeling?" Blaine asked just as Logan said, "How's your shoulder?"

They both looked up surprised. To Logan's surprise, Blaine's face softened just barely. "Better," he said, "and your head?"

"Fine..." Logan said. He honestly was at a loss. He didn't know what to do with Blaine when they were on the best of terms, and now he was standing there after kissing his boyfriend and quickly being punched out for it.

Blaine nodded, he walked in slowly and took the chair that was farthest away from Logan.

"The twins told me," Blaine said, crossing his arms, keeping his eyes on the floor instead of his ex in the hospital bed. "Why you did it I mean," he added.

Logan groaned, "They've got pretty big mouths."

Blaine nodded, "Well, you know better than I do." It was true, Logan had known the two longer than anyone at Dalton. "And honestly... it's a better reason than I thought it was."

The silence fell again. Logan could see the bulk of the dressings on Blaine's shoulders under the t-shirt he was wearing. The guilt kicked in again. _God, _he thought, _when __did __you __get __so __damn __emotional? He punched you!_

Logan debated whether he should ask this, whether he should even mention it, but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself, "Is Kurt okay?" Blaine looked up now, suspicion behind his eyes. "I'm not asking because I-" Logan stammered, "I just want to make sure I didn't-"

"I don't know," Blaine said, a weird combination of emotions on his face. He was angry at Logan of course, but he was angry at himself as well. He had let all that jealousy and rage get in the way of helping Kurt. He shouldn't have hit Logan at all, he realized this. But even after he had done this, he had stared Kurt Hummel in the eye and pulled away from him. The image of Kurt's face, red and covered in tears, swam into his mind and he didn't know if he wanted to punch something again or just cry.

"Ethan told me that... someone had done something like this to him before," Logan said.

Blaine nodded slowly, "You remember that football player I assume?"

A beat.

"No..." Logan said.

"Yes," Blaine said simply.

Logan dropped his face into his hands. He would now forever be categorized with that neanderthal in Kurt's mind. "Blaine," he began, his voice pleading, "You _know _I didn't mean it as... as that, don't you? I didn't mean it as an _assault_. I wasn't in my right mind, I don't know what came over me."

Blaine was surprised by his tone. He actually sounded guilty and sorry, which, in Blaine's experience, was a first. What was truly troubling Blaine was that he had the urge to comfort him, the boy who had basically been ruining his life for a year now.

"Yeah," Blaine said, "I know, Logan." He suddenly found it much easier to remember a time when he could stand this boy. He put on a pretty good charade, but really Logan was just as vulnerable and fragile as the rest of them.

Blaine remembered how Logan was one of the first people to be discharged from the hospital. Blaine had heard through the twins that Julian had asked Logan not to stop coming to his hospital room. Once the actor had woken from his surgery, he barely spoke to anyone. His mother and father came eventually (never at the same time), but they didn't get much out of their son and they probably realized that they weren't particularly welcome. It wasn't until Clark showed up with about a handful of other tv stars that Julian began to talk and eat regularly.

But despite Julian's request, Blaine had seen on more than one occasion in the very early hours of the morning, Logan sitting by Julian's bed while he slept. Logan wouldn't hold his hand or talk to him or risk making his presence known in any way. He would just sit there.

The actor did begin speaking to Logan again, just recently, but Blaine didn't know anything about it. Understandably, this morning's kiss probably created an even bigger rift between the two friends.

"Logan?" Blaine asked. Logan turned to him. Blaine stared at his hands on his knees, "Did he kiss you back?"

Logan smiled wryly, "Not even a little."

Blaine nodded, and knew that he had to fix things with Kurt before he did anything else. He stood then, "Right, well, I think I need to go and see him then. Apologize and all that." Blaine was almost out the door when Logan stopped him.

"Blaine," he said, stopping him. Blaine turned, his hand on the doorframe, looking curiously at Logan.

"Yeah?" he asked.

Logan let out a breath, "I'm sorry."

Blaine's eyes widened. He laughed, "I don't think you've ever apologized to me before."

Logan shook off the comment annoyed, "Well, I'm apologizing now. I'm sorry, okay? Not just for Kurt, but for last year. I'm sorry for Josh and," his voice was softer now, but it still had that tone that he was trying to get this out before he lost the courage, "and for hurting you."

Blaine's eyebrows shot up and his mouth fell open in shock. Then his expression returned to normal with a shake of his head and a short laugh. "Wow..." he said, "Well, I'd say I'm sorry for punching you but I'm not sure if I am yet."

Blaine turned to the door to leave, but stopped himself. This might be pushing it, he had gotten more out of Logan than he could have possibly imagined. "I think I can forgive you," he said slowly, "under one condition."

Logan raised an eyebrow, "What's that?"

"Julian," Blaine began, staring right into Logan's usually bright eyes, "If you ever harm him in any way... don't ever hurt him the way you hurt me."

Logan looked back at Blaine, taken by the sincerity of his words. He didn't try to think about what kind of damage he might have done to this boy in front of him.

"I won't," Logan said, seriously. And he meant it. He didn't want to hurt Julian anymore than he already had. He'd been putting that boy through pain for three years and it just kept piling on the actor from all sides. "But you say that like we're ever going to be together... he's probably left for good," Logan said, not wanting to accept the fact even when it came from his own mouth.

Blaine shook his head, "He'll come around." And with that he walked out of the door.

Logan wanted to believe it, but he had been given so many second chances with Julian as it was, maybe he had finally run out.

He looked at his phone again. Nothing.

"Was that Blaine I saw leaving your room?" said a familiar voice, "What are you going to kiss him too?

Logan looked up to see Derek standing in the doorway. "Derek!" his heart jumped into his throat, completely ignoring the jab, as he realized he might be able to get his answer right now, "Has he gone?"

"Yeah," he said annoyed, "I told you that. He left probably 40 minutes ago."

Logan sighed impatiently, "Yeah, but do you _know _he left. Do you know if he got on the plane."

"Uh, I would assume so," Derek shot, "There's not much keeping him here. I don't know if you've caught on yet, but Julian's been having a bit of a rough patch these past couple of weeks."

"And you're blaming me for that?" Logan asked, irritated.

"Not entirely," Derek said, dropping himself into the chair right next to Logan's bed.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter," Logan said hastily, "Can you call him?"

"I'm not going to trick him into talking to you," Derek said.

"I'm not trying to make you!" Logan said angry again, "Just _please_ call him. Find out if he got on the plane."

"I don't get it, why wouldn't he have left?" Derek asked, his eyes narrowed.

Logan heaved a sigh, too impatient to want to explain, "I sent him something."

"Sent him something..." Derek said.

"_Yes,__" _Logan said, "On his phone."

Derek still looked confused and skeptical, "_What _did you send exactly?"

"It was..." Logan said embarrassed, "It was a song."

Derek snorted, "You sent him a song."

"Well I _sang _him a song," he said. Derek's face turned from skeptical to downright suspicious, "What! It wasn't my idea! It was the twins who-"

"Ohmygod," Derek said suddenly, staring wide-eyed at Logan, "You have GOT to be kidding me."

"What!" Logan asked, his voice rising, "What did I do?"

"No... you are not doing this to me," Derek said, shaking his head.

"What!" Logan shouted. "We don't have time to screw aro-"

"You fucking love him, don't you?" Derek snapped, looking positively furious.

Logan reeled for a moment. _God damn them all for being able to recognize this better than he ever could._ But he regained his composure. "And what if I do!" Logan shot back, "Why are you angry?"

Derek laughed, "You're kidding right?"

"No!" Logan snapped, his voice higher.

"_Because, _Logan," he said, anger in every word, "You two have been putting me through _hell_ these past three years. With Julian in the closet and running every time you find a new boy to play with and _you_ with your woeful love stories left and right... if it's the case that you two could have beentogether and been _happy _for once in your lives and saved me three years of keeping you two drama queens from falling apart at the seams... well then I might just have to kill you both," he finished matter-of-factly, his voice settling back down to it's regular volume.

Logan was shocked, and suddenly fighting the urge to start laughing. He didn't think that Derek would appreciate that all that much.

"Derek, you're bei-"

But all thought of Derek went out the window when he saw his phone light up and saw a message from Julian. He stopped speaking immediately, looking at the name open-mouthed. He was caught between desperate hope and dread, which made him feel like he was being torn in half.

"Is it-?"

"Julian," Logan said.

He looked at his friend of three years, the fear evident in his face.

"Well look at the damn thing," Derek said gesturing to Logan's phone, only to quickly cross his arms huffily again.

Logan pressed 'open' and his phone began downloading a file. It took a few moments, but when it was finished, he wasn't entirely surprised to hear a song he knew playing on the tiny speakers of his phone. He knew that album like backwards and forwards, and his heart sank as he recognized it immediately.

_Close enough to start a war_

_All that I have is on the floor_

It wasn't Julian singing, just the original recording sent to Logan with no elaboration. Just a blank text and this song.

_God only knows what we're fighting for_

_All that I say, you always say more_

_I can't keep up with your turning tables_

_Under your thumb I can't breathe_

Logan could feel Derek's eyes on him but he refused to look at him. He wished to god he would have the decency to walk out. He didn't want Derek to see this, see his hands shaking and hear his heart pounding.

_So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me_

_No, I won't rescue you to just desert me_

It wasn't a very hard message to figure out. He certainly wouldn't trust himself after all the things he'd put Julian through. So why had he had any hope in the first place?

_I can't give you the heart you think you gave me_

_It's time to say goodbye to turning tables_

_To turning tables_

_Under haunted skies I see you_

_Where love is lost your ghost is found_

_I braved a hundred storms to leave you_

Derek felt that familiar fury build up at those words. Julian would been long gone if it hadn't been for Adam. For the first time Logan looked up to Derek, only where Derek was angry, Logan was guilty.

_As hard as you try, no, I will never be knocked down_

_I can't keep up with your turning tables_

_Under your thumb I can't breathe_

Logan was having a hard time breathing himself.

_So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me,_

_No, I won't rescue you to just desert me_

_I can't give you the heart you think you gave me_

_It's time to say goodbye t__o turning tables_

_To turning tables_

_Next time I'll be braver_

_I'll be my own savior_

_When the thunder calls for me_

Logan heard those lyrics and they hit him... hard. For the hundredth time he relived bursting in on Julian pressed against a wall by that psychopath. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he thought, desperately, how much he _wanted _to be Julian's savior now. Julian had been waiting for him to be just that for so many years, and Logan had been completely ignorant of that boy calling out for him all that time. And even when the moment came when Julian had _truly _needed a savior, he hadn't seen it... not until Julian's life was on the line.

_Next time I'll be braver_

He began trying to turn the song off. It became a lot harder to see the buttons though when his eyes were swimming like that.

_I'll be my own savior_

_"Fuck!" he whispered desperately through a few fallen tears as he tried, fumbling with buttons, trying to turn the song off._

_Standing on my own two feet_

Derek stood to take the phone away from him, but as he stood Logan had hurled it across the room before Derek got the chance.

_I won't let you close enough to hurt me,_

The phone smashed against the wall with a bang and the music stopped immediately. It dropped to the floor with a few small parts that had flown off.

Logan was breathing hard, his chest rising and falling harshly as he tried to calm himself down. The angry tears had stopped falling, but the painful guilt and defeat gnawing at his stomach remained. "Goddamnit..." he whispered.

Derek was still standing from where he had went to help Logan. Logan didn't look at him. He stared at his shaking hands against the white hospital sheets, trying to think of what he could do now.

Pressing down the fury, he managed to speak. "Why couldn't he have just told me? Years ago?" Logan asked, softly. "I always thought he was so confident..."

Derek put a hand on his shoulder, "You thought that because that's what Julian wanted you to think of him."

Logan turned his face away, "So why could you see through it but I couldn't?"

Derek took a step back and sat down again, "I guess it's just easier to see that sort of thing from the outside... I didn't know that you had feelings for him though. You can't be annoyed with him when you never told him either."

Logan turned now, "I thought he was straight!" he said without much conviction. He wasn't going to defend himself too adamantly at this point. He spoke again, "I began thinking of him like that almost immediately. He was gorgeous, and funny, and could... I don't know... keep up with me."

"And he was famous," Derek said smiling.

"And he was famous," Logan agreed, "I mean, how could you not like him?"

"I managed," Derek said, managing an almost light tone.

Logan gave him a watery smile, "But... I just stopped thinking about it. I would still feel it... feel him, but it would be kind of... peripheral. It was the best I could do because it was so impossible."

Derek snorted at that.

"Hey!" Logan said, "You have to realize what it was like for me, I was young and I didn't know where the whole gay thing sat with anyone. I was friends with the twins way before I came out and they were my best friends before you and Julian and I didn't have to worry about any... misunderstandings." Derek sat up a little, Logan had always seemed perfectly comfortable with his sexuality. He had never talked about this before. "And suddenly I was best friends with the heartthrob of Dobry and the heartthrob of... of well the whole country. I didn't want people to think that I was... _preying _on everyone's favorite straight kids."

"Well, that's stupid," Derek said simply.

"Well, it wasn't at the time!" Logan said.

Derek looked at him curiously. This was a different side of Logan, "I didn't realize it bothered you."

Logan shrugged. "I mean," Logan said, "It wasn't terrible. It got easier and easier... but in the beginning... well he was gorgeous and famous and I felt like he and everyone else would just _assume _I liked him because we were friends and who in their right minds wouldn't? I was so scared to show any signs of how I felt about him because I didn't want to lose either of you."

Derek nodded, "I think I understand."

Then Logan's head snapped up as Derek's phone rang.

Both of them stared at it as he pulled it out of his pocket. He opened it and bit his lip reading the text. Logan had thought that his heart couldn't drop any further, but the look on Derek's face proved otherwise.

Logan pointedly looked away, "Gone?"

Derek nodded, Logan didn't see it. He didn't need to. The silence was the only confirmation he needed.

Logan lay down for the first time since he'd been put in the hospital and rolled over on his side, facing away from Derek. He was hugging himself, staring at the wall, wondering what life was going to be like now, knowing Julian wasn't coming back.

* * *

><p>Kurt was lying under all of his quilts. He hadn't left since that morning. Only Reed had been allowed to enter and he had been pretty understanding. He hadn't tried to force Kurt to talk but he had left a sandwich next to his bed around lunchtime.<p>

Kurt hadn't reacted to anything. He hadn't even bothered to yell at him when he found out that he'd told Derek what had happened. It didn't matter if Julian knew what Logan had done because that look on Blaine's face when he _caught_ them was the only thing Kurt could care about.

Reed was sitting on his bed, sketching something by the sound of it. Kurt had told him that morning exactly how it had happened, in between the sobs, so Reed knew he was perfectly innocent in the situation. But he couldn't help but get the feeling that Kurt's reaction was due to some misguided feeling of responsibility.

And he did feel guilty. He had hurt Blaine so much... if only he'd had the strength to _do _something about it. He didn't look up as he heard the door open, probably just Reed going to get more food that he would try to tempt Kurt with.

He looked up when he felt someone sit on his bed next to him. He still didn't move, maybe it was the twins bothering him. It wouldn't be the first time they had gotten into his bed without permission.

"Kurt?"

He sat up quickly, the blankets falling into his lap, and realized with a shock that he was only inches away from Blaine's face.

"Blaine..." he breathed. He felt a distinct delay in his emotions as he got over the surprise.

He vaguely acknowledged Reed discreetly leaving the room.

"Hi..." Blaine said, smiling a little at Kurt.

Kurt's eyes began watering immediately, and the words started falling out of his mouth before he could think through an apology, "Blaine, I'm so so sorry. I should have pushed him off, I shouldn't have let him stand that close to me in the first place. But when he did it, it just made me think of _him _and_-_"

Blaine put a hand on his cheek. "Shh," he said gently, "I know."

Kurt looked at him. He blinked and two tears fell, Blaine brushed one away with his thumb. Kurt looked tragic, he really did... the mixture of regret and relief and guilt and love sent a wave of guilt crashing over Blaine that made his breath catch in his throat.

Blaine leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his trembling lips.

"Please, don't cry Kurt," he said, and he kissed his cheek. "If anyone should be sorry it should be me," he said.

Kurt was about to protest when Blaine put a finger on his lips. "No, please don't defend me," he was still very close, "I know how scared you must have been... I knew that look in your eyes. But..." he trailed off. It was _so __obvious_ to him now. How could he not have seen it? Kurt would never, _ever, _do something like that.

"But," he started again, "it was Logan. If it had been anyone else, I would have seen immediately how badly you were hurting."

Kurt swallowed, Blaine still hadn't pulled away. His hand had fallen to his neck and the other reached out to hold his hand.

"It's just... I've been so scared of that happening for so long now... I don't know why I'm so threatened by him," he looked embarrassed, "I used to be so scared for so long that you would pick him over me."

"It's never been an option," Kurt said, beginning to get his composure back. He sniffed a little and wiped a few tears away with the hand that Blaine wasn't holding.

"I know..." Blaine said, "But still, to see your fears playing out like that in real life... Well, I'm not proud with how I reacted."

"I'm so sorry I didn't stop him," Kurt said, with all the sincerity in the world, "I should have realized."

Blaine shook his head. He leaned in and kissed Kurt again, this time pressing a little harder. Kurt pushed back and ran a hand through Blaine's curls. Blaine scooted forward, never breaking away from Kurt's mouth and let his tongue dart out so he could taste Kurt. He felt a strange possessiveness knowing that the last person to kiss Kurt was Logan and felt himself pushing further into Kurt's mouth and body. Blaine wrapped a hand around the other boys waist and held him closer to him, trying reclaim what was his.

He caught himself and shook himself out of it. Kurt whined when Blaine pulled away. "Sorry..." Blaine said, his breath ghosting over Kurt's lips making his stomach a little fluttery.

"For what?" Kurt said, a little out of breath.

"I was being..." he smirked, "Aggressive."

Kurt raised an eyebrow, "You aren't going to go soft on me now just because Logan stepped into your turf, are you?" Blaine chuckled, looking at Kurt's lips again. "How is he by the way?" Kurt asked.

"He's fine," Blaine said, "In fact... all this might work out for him in the long run."

Kurt raised an eyebrow, "How so?" Blaine was still looking at his lips and trying not to think about Kurt's hand that had fallen onto his knee. "Blaine?" Kurt asked again.

"I'll tell you later," Blaine said. And with that he tilted his head and leaned back in to catch Kurt's lips again.

* * *

><p>Julian was sitting in first class next to an older man, which he was grateful for. Had it been anyone of the female variety, he was almost sure he would have been recognized. And had it been a guy his own age, he probably would have been bombarded with questions about his female cast members from <em>Something <em>_Damaged._

He was relieved once the plane finally took off. He just had to get out of Ohio. God-willing, he'd never have to come back. He was so ready to push it out. He just wanted to forget.

But still...

_Don__'__t __forget __me, _Logan had said... or sang rather.

Julian was sitting, his forehead resting against the window, watching Ohio grow smaller and smaller until it was just a checkerboard of green and brown and black. He didn't know if he could ever forget Logan. But he would try.

He still didn't know if he had done the right thing... But it didn't matter now. He had made his decision, and he had to make the most of what was left of his life. He still had his career ahead of him, Clark would always be there, and he would forget Logan and Derek and Dalton. It was sad that all of that had to go with him. It was like Logan was a cancer, Julian had to cut everything around the tumor in order to make sure it didn't come back... to make sure he could get better.

He didn't pull out his iPod or choose a movie from the huge selection in first class. Instead he contented himself with pretending to be asleep and ignoring the constant itch to pick up his phone and listen to Logan sing like that again. He kept pulling out his headphones to listen to it, just to stop himself and shove them back in his bag, angry with himself. After the fourth or fifth time he finally opened the file and deleted it before the opening piano chords could start. He even deleted the voicemail without ever listening to it.

This made him feel better for about five minutes. Then it made him feel infinitely worse.

With a sinking feeling, he realized he would probably never hear Logan sing again.

He shut his eyes and tried not to remember those lyrics, but they kept running through his mind anyways.

_Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead._

* * *

><p>"Well, Logan," said the Doctor, "All the tests came back fine. You just need to sign a few things and then you can be on your way. Do you need us to call anyone for you?"<p>

"I can take him," Derek said. They hadn't even bothered to call , sending a more discreet call to Logan's stepmother in order to get the insurance information and some parental consent.

Ten minutes later Logan was walking out of the hospital, Derek had left to pull the car around. He had barely said anything since his conversation with Derek. He didn't know how things were going to be normal at Dalton anymore. With the aftermath of the incident and Julian gone for good... Logan wasn't sure what life would become.

He was waiting for Derek outside the automatic doors. But leaning against the hospital, it wasn't Derek's car that pulled up, it was a stretch limo.

"-the hell?" he muttered, and then the door opened and two blond blurs quite literally chucked him into the car. He landed on a seat somehow, the doors slammed and the twins grinned at him.

"What is this?" he asked, trying to pull himself into a proper sitting position.

"Plan B!" they said, beaming.

* * *

><p><em>an: Sorry this isn't as well edited as the last couple chapters (when editing it I realized that I had written DARREN instead of Blaine 3 times) Speaking of which... NinjaMafiaMistress, where is the Ethan/Evan mix-up? I just reread it and am not sure where you're talking about, but thank you for pointing that out! I don't think people take me seriously when I tell them to point out typos to me. (Also surprised there was only one time I messed up haha the first edit had at least a dozen)_

_I wanted to get this out tonight so I can get as much of this out before CP updates, because I KNOW I'm gonna be distracted for a couple of days when she does!_

_Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews! Next chapter's song is UNDECIDED! This is the only song that is up in the air actually_


	4. Chapter 4

_a/n:_

_Has anyone realized that 15,000 words into this story, our pretty boys haven't even spoken once? Not even on the phone! Well good thing I'm going to fix that in this chapter :)_

_This chapter was veryyy hard to write. I hope I managed it okay. I was really unsure of how much of the song to put in this one, I've spent half the day deciding how many lyrics there should be and where. So I hope everything fell where it should._

_p.s. The bit about the Twins flying the jet is canon! According to the Weebly website that is... They are pilots!_

* * *

><p><span>Track 09<span>

_One and Only_

* * *

><p>Logan had been driven to a private airfield by the twins once they had borderline kidnapped him. He had completely forgotten that the twins had the plane and even if he had, he would never have dared to carry out this plan on his own.<p>

"Life isn't a romantic comedy guys!" he had insisted when they proposed "Plan B" to him for the first time in the limo.

They both had snorted at that. "You have been living in a romantic comedy for _years _Logan," Ethan had said.

"Look on the bright side..." Evan had said, "It's the first time you're not the villain in the movie!"

And now, 2 hours later, he was sitting in their private jet, too nervous to do anything but mull over the situation the twins had put him in.

As ridiculous as this all already was, to cap it all off, the twins were actually _piloting_ the plane. They had insisted it was necessary considering they didn't have time to call in one of their usual pilots, but Logan had a sneaking suspicion that they just wanted an excuse to fly the plane, and subsequently, bother Logan.

"Ethan!" Evan shouted, "I think we forgot to fill the plane with gas!"

"Again!" his brother replied in a terrified voice.

"Would you two quit it!" Logan shouted from where he was sitting on the couch in the main part of the plane. "I'm kind of having a life crisis here!"

The two just laughed, and he heard the speaker crackle again, "Relax there little Knave. Everything will work out."

He had no idea how the two of them were always so confident. He knew this was desperate. He knew he would probably not even get to Julian if he had any amount of security or friends around him. And yet, here he was, sitting in the Twin's private jet, on his way to L.A. to try and make him understand.

"How do you even know where you're going?" Logan called to them, irritated.

"Instruments!" one of them shouted from the cockpit.

"We have the artificial horizon..." said the other.

"Which is better than the actual horizon," one of them finished.

Logan shook his head, he couldn't deal with the two of them right now.

He knew he was late. He knew he should have gathered the courage to do something about it when he still understood his feelings for his best friend. But he couldn't change what he hadn't done... so he just needed a chance to prove that he was worth the risk.

How did that song go?

_I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms_

"Perfect," he muttered to himself huffily as he realized the artist of the song, "Another one."

* * *

><p>Finally, after what felt like days, the wheels hit the runway. Julian had given up pretending to be asleep and had been sitting on the edge of his seat since the pilot had announced the start of their descent. He just wanted to get off this airplane and be by himself.<p>

On that thought, he pulled out his phone. He _had _promised Carmen... He looked at Clark's phone number in his phone and had a quick internal debate. He had told her that he would be staying with him tonight before she could set up some security for his little house in Santa Monica.

_Which __is __exactly __the __opposite __of __the __point __of __that __place, _Julian thought to himself.

But he had also told Clark that he was sure he wasn't going to take the movie. He didn't want to have to explain why he was suddenly at his doorstep in Los Angeles only a week after Clark had left Julian's hospital bed. He had never fully explained what had happened in the art hall and he didn't intend to. Julian didn't even know if he had mentioned Logan to Clark or any of the other cast members for that matter.

Not tonight. He would tell him, but he couldn't take anymore of these emotions... quite frankly they were exhausting.

So he would go to the flat. His mother, in one of her more considerate moments, had bought him a tiny flat in Santa Monica, about 20 minutes outside of the city, in _very _strict confidence. With the help of about a dozen lawyers, she managed to put the payment in the name of one of Julian's distant cousins and the purchase and location were to be completely confidential. Even if they had wanted to disclose the location for a quick pay-off from the paparazzi, it wouldn't ever be worth it with the imminent lawsuit that would follow.

He put his phone away and decided that he'd rather be somewhere he knew... and more importantly he'd rather be _alone _tonight. He'd call Clark first thing in the morning and take the heat from Carmen later.

The passengers began shuffling off the plane and Julian blended in easily enough. He was wearing his Ray Bans and a stupid hat he bought in the airport after being recognized by a couple of girls.

Making his way out of the terminal he looked around for his usual driver. He spotted the familiar sign easily enough.

_Anthony __Garper, _it said. It was a bit of a joke between the two of them. That was the name of the first role he ever took. A tiny guest star on an episode of X-Files when he was 6 years old. Andy, the name of his driver, smiled kindly at him when he spotted him. Julian went straight to Andy who had already gotten his suitcase from the luggage carousel.

"Nice hat, kid," Andy said, tucking the sign under his arm. He turned taking the suitcase and Julian followed.

Julian took the suitcase from him and Andy scowled.

"Thanks," Julian said, smiling a little. This was something he knew, and he felt a little bit of that weight in his chest lift.

"I hear you had a pretty scary time back there at Dalton," Andy said to the boy walking beside him.

"Oh, you heard?" Julian asked, "I didn't realize the story got out."

Andy laughed, that big bellowing laugh that Julian always made fun of him for. Julian was being sarcastic of course, the story had hit the newsstands the next day. He was on the cover of half the newspapers in the country. EW, Us, People and Teen Vogue called Carmen _that __night_ asking for personal interviews even though they were already running half-informed stories of the situation already and even though they had no idea if Julian was going to live through the night.

"You want to talk about it?" Andy asked, not pushing it.

"Not particularly," Julian said, comfortably.

Andy nodded. "You're the boss," he said easily and left it at that. He kept walking straight out to the car. Andy had long since stopped opening Julian's door for him because of the constant complaints he received for it. He did, however, take the suitcase from Julian and put it in the trunk.

"Where are we going?" Andy asked getting into the front seat and turning the car on.

"The flat," Julian said without an explanation. He saw Andy give him a fleeting look in the rear-view, but he didn't question it.

Thankful for Andy's naturally understanding attitude, Julian leaned back in his seat and finally felt his mind begin to settle.

* * *

><p>Julian woke up when the car stopped in the driveway probably 40 minutes later. He was surprised that he had dozed in the car. When he opened his eyes, he was looking at the little house he loved so much.<p>

This was his safe-place. He only stayed here when he wasn't on a movie and out of the spotlight. That way he was much less likely to be followed. It was one of the many places that he, Logan and Derek would stay during holidays. It was Julian's favorite, and he thought it might be Logan's too. Unlike Derek's houses, there were never any parents. And unlike Logan's, there was no security or rules. So when the three of them stayed there, they could just relax and be stupid teenage boys, a rare opportunity for them.

He actually breathed a sigh of relief as he looked at it. The sun was setting behind it in a way that made the pink tiles on the roof glow orange. The smell of sea-salt washed over him as he stepped out of the car and looked down the hill to the ocean below. The back porch had a wooden staircase that led down the sloping hill to the tiny secluded beach and private dock. With trees on either side of the sand, Julian didn't have to worry about being seen or recognized.

Andy pulled his bags out of the trunk and brought them into the house, walking ahead of Julian. Julian walked slowly along the stone path that cut through the bright green lawn. He stared at his feet and let the memories come.

_"It's tiny!" Derek had said, half-teasing._

_Julian glared, "Yeah, but it's _mine."

_"That's true," Logan said, "He is the only one of us who actually works for his money."_

_Julian smirked, "Barely."_

Julian reached the front door and took a step into the house. Looking around he felt himself feeling more comfortable. Maybe he could get through all of this.

It was infinitely smaller than Derek's house in the Hamptons or Logan's penthouse in Paris. It had one bedroom, a bathroom and the living room which the kitchen was attached to. The entire back half of the house was the living room and the kitchen combined. The back wall was just glass windows that overlooked the ocean. Right then, as the sun set, the whole room had this pink hugh that made everything feel warm.

Julian peaked into the kitchen, remembering the few times they had tried to cook themselves proper meals without someone's father's assistant picking them up gourmet meals or cooks making them whatever they asked for. It was always disastrous and always hilarious. They usually lived off Kraft, cupcakes and toast when they were staying in the house.

He was surprised at how exhausted he was. But then again, it had been a bit of a draining day.

He stumbled over to the bedroom.

"I'll be off then kid," said Andy.

"Alright," Julian said with a yawn, "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Whenever you need me," he said with a smile as he walked out the door and back to the car.

Julian went into the bedroom and began taking his sweater and jeans off. He heard the car pull out. The bedroom only had one king-sized bed which had created a bit of an awkward situation the first time they had stayed there.

"_Two of us can sleep in the bed," Derek had said, "We'll just take turns who gets to each night and the third will get the couch."_

_Julian was about to volunteer sleeping on the couch just so he could avoid sleeping in the same bed with Logan, b__ut Logan had beat him to it. _

_He smiled in a strange way, "No worries... I'll take the couch."_

"_It's fine," Derek insisted, looking hard at Logan, "We'll take turns."_

"_Maybe he'd rather sleep on the couch," Julian had said. Logan looked up at him then and Julian thought he looked grateful. Then he smiled. _

"_Couch is good for me," Logan said, yawning and leaving Derek and Julian to share the bed. "Besides," Logan said from the other room, easily heard because of the size of the house, "I wouldn't want to keep the two of you from cuddling."_

Julian pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms that were on top of his suitcase. Not bothering to close the curtains, Julian stretched out on the bed watching the sky turn a deeper shade of pink. His mind full of memories, he was asleep before the sun set.

* * *

><p>"Landing in 20 minutes ," one of the twins said over the loudspeaker.<p>

"You can just tell me normally! You're ten feet away!" he said annoyed. He knew that he was just snapping at the twins because of how scared he was at the prospect of seeing Julian.

"One of you come in here," he said.

Evan came back a second later, letting his brother take control of the plane.

"I need Reed's phone number," Logan said.

"Why?" Evan asked, and he heard the question echoed by his brother in the cockpit.

"I need to get Clark's number," Logan said. "Derek said he was staying with him."

Evan gave the number up easily, and it took another awkward two minute conversation with Reed before he was calling Clark.

"_Hello?_"

His voice was familiar even though the two of them had never spoken.

_Damn __all __these __celebrities, _he thought.

"Hi," Logan said, unsure of what to say next. "This is Logan... I'm a friend of Julian's."

He heard movement on the other line, "_Is __he __okay?_" Clark asked immediately, the worry in his voice evident. "_I __can __come __back __to __Ohio __if __he __needs __me,_" he said quickly.

Logan was surprised by the offer. The he realized what he had said. "Wait..." Logan said slowly, "He isn't with you?"

There was a pause on the other line, "_No..._" the other boy sounded nervous, "_Is __he __supposed __to __be?_"

Logan sighed, of course Julian would do this to him. "Yeah, well... kind of. It doesn't matter, I think I know where he is," Logan said.

"_Is __he __okay?_"

"Yeah," Logan assured him, "He's fine. I just needed to talk to him about something."

"_Are __you __sure?_" he asked.

"Yeah," Logan said, "I'll find him."

"_Okay, __call __me __once __you __do?_" he said. He sounded really worried and, not for the first time, Logan wondered why he had never heard Julian talk about Clark. It sounded like they were close.

"Yeah, definitely," Logan said.

"_Thanks,_" Clark said, then the line disconnected.

Logan sighed, a little annoyed. Of course Julian would do this. Of course he would go there instead of Clark's.

Stupid and reckless.

Logan usually thought this sort of thing was just Julian trying to get attention, but sometimes Logan wondered if it ran a little deeper.

At least he knew they would be alone.

* * *

><p>Julian had been dead asleep for a couple of hours when he woke with a start when he heard his doorbell ring. He tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. His limbs felt so heavy as he sat up in bed. It took him a moment to remember where he was. But when he did he felt a tiny flare of panic in his stomach.<p>

_Stupid, __why __are __you __so __fucking __stupid __Julian, _he thought. He was by himself. And there was someone at the door. He mentally began going through the list of people who had this address and who could possibly be here at this time of night.

_Carmen, __Mom, __Andy, Derek__... __and __Logan, _and he knew that there was just no way that any of those people could be here right now. _Unless..._ he shook the thought out of his head. It couldn't be him. Best case scenario, Carmen had called Clark and sent him over to make sure he wasn't alone.

But things usually weren't the best-case scenario.

The doorbell rang again. His mind was racing. Should he go to the door? Should he call someone? He knew exactly where Adam was... he was handcuffed to a hospital bed in Ohio and would be on his way to jail soon. So there was nothing to be afraid of right?

He jumped when his phone rang on his bedside table. Logan's name flashed across his screen and his heart picked up even faster. _Coincidence... _he thought. Because Logan just couldn't be at the door, so close to him at that very second.

He didn't want to pick up, he didn't want to hear that voice, it might just break his resolve entirely.

But he wouldn't deny that he was scared. And if it _wasn't _Logan outside, then he wanted someone to know where he was and what was happening. But if it was him...

He answered it.

"Logan?" he said, his voice a little shaky.

"Yeah," he heard that voice. It made his heart jump into his throat, "It's me."

"Outside?" Julian asked, not sure which answer he wanted.

"Yes," he said. His heart was still beating erratically and his stomach gave a nervous jump at the confirmation. He didn't move for a moment.

"Julian?" Logan said.

"Yeah?" Julian said, still trying to process this.

"Please..." his voice was pleading, "Let me see you, I _need _to see you."

Julian held the phone to his ear, letting the silence fall for a moment. This felt so surreal, his head was still fuzzy from sleep and he didn't know if he could deal with seeing Logan again. He had fully intended on never seeing the boy again.

_But __he__'__s __here..._Julian thought, _and __that __song...__and __maybe, __just __maybe..._

"Okay..." he said, his voice still shaking, now from nerves _and_ fear.

He hung up the phone and waited a moment before he began to move. He couldn't hope... he just couldn't. Logan always disappointed him_._ He always had, he always will. Letting him in- if he even _wants _to be let in- would just be destructive. _He__'__s __hurt __you __enough._

_God, _Julian thought, _I __have __to __get __out __of __my __head._

He stood in just his pajama bottoms and decided it might be more prudent to put on a shirt. He pulled on the first t-shirt he saw in his suitcase before walking out of the bedroom door. It was only a few feet from there to the front door, but he felt like each step took so much effort. Once he was standing on the doormat, he let his hand rest on the doorknob for longer than necessary, knowing that Logan was just on the other side.

Finally he opened the door... and he was really there.

He was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking uncharacteristically nervous. They didn't say anything for a moment and just looked at each other. Logan made no move to come in and Julian felt like his feet were planted to the ground. They just stared, both searching for some kind of hint.

Logan was the first one to speak, "I didn't think you'd pick up."

"Yeah," Julian said, resisting the urge to hit himself when he spoke too loudly, "Well... I didn't know who was at the door-"

"I didn't mean to scare you," Logan said hastily. "I should have called first. I didn't think of-"

"It's fine," Julian said firmly. He didn't want to talk about how skittish he became at the stupidest things now. It didn't make sense. He was probably the safest he'd been since before Adam came into the picture. And he wasn't even sure how long ago that was.

Logan stared at Julian, still looking for something behind the mask. Julian let himself look at those green eyes for a second before he forced himself to look away.

_Not __on __meds, _he noted. Logan dropped his eyes too, looking at Julian's shoes instead of the boy himself.

"Can I come in?" he asked, peaking up at Julian.

Julian wordlessly stepped aside and let Logan into the house. They stood in the front hall now, a little too far apart but still closer than Julian was comfortable with. It was Julian who broke the silence this time.

"Why are you here, Logan?" Julian asked, not revealing anything in his tone.

"The twins," Logan said, "They flew me in their plane."

Julian raised one eyebrow a little, "I asked why, not how."

Logan let out a breath. He couldn't ever remember being this scared when it came to things like this. He had always been the one to confidently push forward and make the relationship. But here he was, so nervous he had trouble keeping his hands from shaking. "I had to see you," he said finally, his voice quiet.

Julian raised his arms a little, "You see me."

Logan nodded. "You're here by yourself," Logan said, avoiding the invitation to start the conversation he had come here to have.

Julian nodded.

"You shouldn't be here by yourself," Logan said.

Julian looked up at him, and spoke with all the confidence he didn't feel, "He's locked up. There's nothing to be afraid of."

"Then why wouldn't you answer the door?" Logan asked, the reply came quickly. Julian's eyes narrowed just barely, and he chose not to reply. Logan felt a twinge of annoyance at the actor's attitude.

When Julian continued to stare at him defiantly, Logan spoke again, "Clark told me that you never called him and I know that Derek told me you were supposed to be staying with him tonight."

Julian stared. How did he even... but Julian regained his cool sarcasm quickly enough, "Been doing quite the background check on me, haven't you?"

"I shouldn't have to," Logan was getting a little angry, "You've been through enough without you tempting the fates by being reckless for no reason."

"I'm sorry," Julian said, coldly, "But I'm pretty sure that's none of your business. Not anymore anyways."

"It _is _my business!" he said his voice rising.

"How?" Julian asked, still with that calm that he knew infuriated Logan, especially when he was clearly already on edge. Julian would be a liar if he denied baiting Logan sometimes, who could never keep a handle on his emotions. "It's not like you care," Julian said crossing his arms.

"I DO care!" he shouted, furious. Logan saw the fear flash in Julian's eyes as he took the tiniest step backwards. Logan squeezed his eyes shut. His whole body was shaking. Julian just watched as the boy took a few steadying breaths.

Amazingly, he managed to subdue his anger enough to speak again. _This _caught Julian off guard more than anything.

"I _do _care," Logan said softly this time, "And I'm _so __sick_ of you saying that I don't." Julian fought to keep the mask up. He had never seen Logan be so open before. Logan continued, "I've _always _cared and you've chosen to ignore any efforts I've ever put into helping you. Ever," he said his voice rising now and shaking just slightly, "So, it's pretty selfish to risk your life when your life isn't only important to you."

Julian crossed his arms. He meant it as an act of defiance, but it felt like he was trying to hide himself from Logan's honesty, something he didn't know how to react to. He knew how to handle Logan's volatile emotions. But never had so much sincerity been directed at him. He managed to still fight back though, "And yet, my life wasn't important to you until it was actually at risk Logan... It was a little late."

Logan shook his head, he had managed to shove the anger back down. He looked down at Julian, "You don't have to believe me, Julian... but you're life has been important to me for longer than you know."

Julian eyed him, wearily. He wanted to accept the implications. He wanted to hear that song as his. He wanted to know that Logan sang like that because of _him. _He wanted Logan to be his and only his. But all logic told him that he had to resist this, despite everything his heart was telling him.

"So what, you came her to nag me then?" Julian said, a weak attempt at his usual sarcasm.

"No... that's not why I came here," Logan said. Julian waited for him to elaborate. Logan opened his mouth once, closed it again and stood there silently.

They stood there, awkward and unsure of what to do next. "Uhh," Julian said awkwardly, "Kitchen?"

"Yeah," Logan said immediately. They both headed for the kitchen, Logan not quite walking next to Julian but not behind him either. He sat down at the little kitchen table that they had eaten too many bowls of Kraft at over the years.

Julian sat across from him. Refusing to start the conversation this time, even though the silent tension in the air was killing him.

Logan wanted to hit himself. He had now passed up two moments to say what he had to say.

"The song I sent you..." Logan began.

"What about it?" Julian asked, coolly.

"Did you think..." Logan said, his voice trailing, "Did you think I sounded different?"

"Did you think I'd know the difference?" Julian asked coldly, staring at him.

Logan just stared right back. "Yes," he said bluntly.

Julian's eyes flashed before he gathered himself, "Yeah, you sounded different."

He couldn't tell him how incredible he sounded even though that song had been running through his mind all day and every lyric it harder for him to leave.

"Me too," Logan said. The silence fell on them again and Logan tried to ignore his fluttering stomach.

"It doesn't matter," Julian said.

"Why not?" Logan asked.

Julian felt his mask cracking, but pressed on anyways, "Because it took someone trying to kidnap me to make you do anything."

Logan took in a shaky breath and nodded once. "You're right, I'm way too late... but Julian," he said, his forehead leaning against his shaking hand, staring at the table, "When I saw him... and how he had you against the wall..."

A chill was creeping over Julian as he heard everything behind those words. It wasn't like it was the first time those thoughts had crossed his mind... he knew what easily could have happened.

Logan continued, "I can't get that image out of my mind... and I can't keep myself from thinking all of the things that could've happened... all the things he could've done-"

"Stop!" Julian said suddenly, his voice breaking through Logan's thoughts, "Please... stop."

Logan stared at the boy who looked so disturbed and distracted. Logan felt his eyes stinging seeing how it still affected Julian. Julian ran a hand violently through his hair before dropping his hand hard on the table. It was shaking and Logan instinctively reached out to take it. But Julian pulled it away, dropping his hand in his lap without even looking up.

"Don't," he said in a clipped tone.

The tiny rejection made Logan's heart falter a beat. "I'm sorry," he said, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.

"It's fine," Julian said, looking distractedly away from Logan, not sure if he was reassuring himself or Logan. "Nothing happened... he didn't do anything to me."

_He __kissed __you,_ Logan thought. Kurt had told him this in confidence and it had taken Blaine, Kurt and Derek to calm him down for long enough to know that he wouldn't run off and do anything stupid. He wondered if Julian knew. He wouldn't be the one to tell him if he didn't.

Staring at Julian's troubled face, he continued. "You don't know what it did to me," Logan said seriously, his voice thick with grief, "Since that night... I literally can't stop thinking about it."

Julian was still staring away from logan, "Yeah, and you're alone in that one, Logan." He said, in a feeble attempt at sarcasm. His mind was still filled with the images Logan had to remind him of.

"I want to help you Julian," he said fervently. Julian looked back at him, shaken from his disturbing thoughts. "When you told me that you didn't want to see me anymore at the hospital... it tore me up. I just had no idea how to fix things... how to fix _you,_" he said.

"I don't need fixing," Julian said, anger creeping into his voice.

"You do," Logan insisted, "Please... let me in Julian."

Julian looked at Logan now, and Logan saw the dangerous flash behind his eyes.

When he began to speak, his voice was trembling with barely veiled fury, "I've been trying to let you in for years Logan. Up until now, it's been an open invitation. There was just no getting past that narcissistic head of yours... You want to fix me?" he asked, incredulous, "You're the one who _broke _me Logan!" Logan physically flinched at those words, but it didn't deter Julian, "You broke me when you stopped _seeing_ me! You broke me when you fell in love with Blaine and when you hit me for the first time and when you didn't say goodbye when I left sophomore year," his voice cracked and he felt his throat burning as he fought the tears, "You broke me when you sang that duet with me and didn't mean a word of it. And you sure as hell broke me when you kissed Kurt after I- after I- after _everything_!"

The ringing silence that followed was almost painful. Logan took it... each word felt like a physical blow, but he took it. He was still coming to accept that he had truly made a wreck of this boy. For the first time Logan realized that Julian was ruined even before Adam was in the picture... and it was his fault. Not for the first time, he wondered if he should even be imposing himself on this boys life who was so clearly trying to escape him, even though his heart was screaming for him to wrap Julian in his arms and never let go.

Julian dropped his face into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table. "You broke my fucking heart, Logan," Julian said, his voice cracking on the name.

_I know, it ain't easy giving up your heart._

Logan was overcome with an unbearable sense of shame and sadness, he leaned forward, wanting to hold him, touch him, kiss him. But he remembered Julian pulling his hand away before.

God, he was so ashamed to know that he had done this to Julian.

_Nobody's perfect..._

And he knew, that no matter what Julian would say or how he would react, he had to tell him now.

He began to speak, quiet but determined. "Do you want to know why I kissed Kurt?" Logan asked. His voice was steady and calm, for the first time that night. He didn't know if they could possibly work this out... if Julian could ever put these things behind him, but Logan was going to tell him either way.

Julian didn't respond, but he did drop his hands away from his face and he looked hard at Logan for a moment, almost daring him to say it. Logan assumed it was the only encouragement he was going to get.

"I did it," he began, steeling himself to say what he came here to say, but his words began to quaver again and he couldn't keep the emotion out of his voice, "because I thought that it wasn't possible for me to be in love with two people at the same time."

There was a beat.

Julian felt a tiny spark of hope that he tried to bury but Logan wouldn't take his eyes off of him.

Logan reached out and took Julian's hand before he could pull it away again. Julian took a sharp intake of breath and stared at their hands. Logan's hands were so much warmer than his. He looked back up, wanting so badly to believe it.

Logan squeezed his hand and didn't break eye contact. "And I was right," he said.

All of that careless emotion was on his face. Logan was baring everything, and yet it was Julian who felt naked under that gaze. The intensity of his eyes affected him too much.

Heart hammering, he pulled his hand away from Logan and stood. Logan tried to hold onto his hand but Julian walked away and Logan's hand fell on the table with a thump. Julian heard it and it as he walked a few paces away and hated himself for how hard it had been to pull away. But he had to because he couldn't see those eyes, not if he wanted to hold his resolve. And he had to... he couldn't let himself fall into this. He stood at the counter, his heart thudding against his ribcage.

Everything told him to stay away from Logan. For years he had been being ignored, hurt, used and then thrown away the moment there was no more use for him. His friendship with Logan was degrading enough as it was even without being in love with the boy. And yet, once Julian finally decides to give him up, Logan had to come across the country to tell him this, to turn everything upside down and make Julian feel like this... make Julian feel like Logan was the most important thing in the world... and maybe like Logan really was his.

_I don't know why I'm scared,_

Julian heard Logan's chair move as Logan turned to look at him. His next words terrified him more than anything.

"Do you still love me?" Logan asked, his voice soft.

_I've been here before,_

Julian visibly stiffened at the question.

Julian still had his back turned to Logan, his hands flat on the counter. He was staring at the marble between his splayed fingers. He felt like his heart might burst out of his chest. He felt like he was standing on a precipice and he was trying so hard not to fall.

He heard Logan get up out of his chair.

_Every feeling every word,_

"Julian," he said so gently, pleading. His voice was so close. Julian felt a hand on his shoulder and it sent electricity through his whole body. He turned around and there were only inches between them.

_I've imagined it all._

Julian kept his head down, staring at his chest instead of his face. "Julian," he said again. Julian could feel his breath, warm against his cheeks. "Look at me," he begged, his voice wavering.

And he did. Slowly he lifted his eyes. First up to the collar of his shirt. Then to his pale neck and the stubble on his chin. His eyes fell on his slightly parted lips and past those cheekbones that drove him crazy... and right into those eyes, showing more expression than he'd ever seen in his friend.

"Answer the question," Logan asked, his eyes never leaving Julian's.

Julian began to shake, just barely. He couldn't look away, Logan's eyes were all that he could comprehend. He tried to fight the warmth spreading from his chest to his fingertips. He was blinking rapidly, trying to keep the emotions at bay.

Logan brought both of his hands to Julian's face, they were trembling. It was too much, he wasn't strong enough to resist this.

Julian shook his head fervently.

"No, you don't love me?" Logan asked, his voice desperate and his eyes pleading.

Julian shook his head again at the question. Logan's eyes drifted shut and he leaned in so that their foreheads were pressed together, their lips a breath apart.

_You'll never know if you never try,_

"Please," Logan whispered, his breath sending a thrill through Julian's whole body, "Please, kiss me."

_To forget your past and simply be mine._

And Julian closed the distance between their lips.

* * *

><p><em>:)<em>

_Thoughts? Anyone have any guesses about which Tracks I'm going to use? Anyone catch my (awesome) 90's movie reference?_


	5. Chapter 5

_a/n: apologies! Halloween is distracting! Twas a very hard chapter! (HOW DO YOU WRITE KISSING SCENES! I HAVE NO IDEA!) The next chapter will get out quicker I promise!_

* * *

><p><span>Track 06<span>

_He Won't Go_

* * *

><p>And Julian closed the distance between their lips.<p>

Rough and hungry, they pressed their lips together again and again. They had waited too long to be gentle and it showed in the way their tongues were invading the others mouths as their kiss became more heated.

Logan's lips moved against Julian's a little too forcefully. Logan didn't feel the relief he had expected. It felt so incredibly right to be so close to him, to be holding him the way he knew he could now, but he still felt like he couldn't kiss him hard enough. Julian took it. Feeling Logan's lips against his at last was one of the most incredible and terrifying feelings in the world. His stomach clench with fear and his heart burst with joy at the same time as their tongues slid together in perfect rhythm.

The kiss quickly progressed, their pace quickening as Logan assaulted his mouth. He was so anxious to make Julian understand how much he loved him that his kiss was almost violent. It didn't pass Julian's notice, but he took it. It wouldn't be Logan if it wasn't a little bit out of control. Julian would let Logan devour him if that's what it took.

Julian tangled his hands in Logan's shirt and pulled him closer. Logan's hands were still holding Julian's face as he kissed him desperately. Both of them were trying to pour too much emotion into that one moment. Hungry to taste Logan after all these years of waiting he pressed his tongue further into the other boys mouth and Logan responded even more forcefully than before. He took a step forward but the angle was too severe now as he was so much taller than Julian.

"Too tall," Julian murmured against his lips.

And in a moment that surprised both of them, Logan picked Julian up from behind his thighs and dropped him on the counter. Julian yelped at the sudden movement. Logan's hands remained on Julian's thighs. They were at eye-level now and they stared at each other, both breathing hard. There was a beat as they both recognized that this might be too much, and then they simultaneously decided they didn't care as they moved forward at the same moment to crash their lips together again.

Logan took a step forward so he was standing in between Julian's legs. Julian snaked his arms around Logan's neck as Logan slid his hands up from his thighs to his hips. The contact through his thin pajama bottoms made Julian make the smallest noise in the back of his throat. Logan's grip tightened almost painfully at the sound.

Tongues sliding over each other and teeth clacking, they couldn't stop. Years of waiting and they weren't going to let go of each other now that they were finally one.

Julian wrapped his legs behind Logan meaning to pull him closer, but it broke the spell. Logan stuttered out of the kiss and tried to step away from Julian, but Julian, who still had his legs around him, held him where he was.

Julian leaned forward and kissed the retreating boy once more before Logan could get too far.

"We should stop..." Logan said breathlessly, his pupils blown wide.

"No," Julian said, his voice a little husky from the kiss. He pulled him an inch closer with his legs still wrapped around his waist, "We shouldn't..."

Logan literally moaned at the look on Julian's face and just had time to see Julian grinning before Logan was kissing him again, more forcefully this time. Julian moaned into the kiss and Logan tried desperately not to buck his hips into the boy he was tangled with.

With that thought he remembered why this wasn't okay. He pulled himself out of the kiss with just as much difficulty as before and said, "No... really... I don't want to..." he said, prying himself away from Julian's grip.

"Don't want to what?" Julian said teasing, a smile lingering on his lips.

Logan shook his head to clear his own mind. He was finding it incredibly hard to not go back to the boy who still had his legs spread and dangling over the edge of the counter. The sight was enough to drive Logan crazy.

"Don't you want to talk about this?" Logan asked, tentatively.

Julian's coy grin faltered for a moment.

"It's not that I'm not... _thrilled..._that you're kissing me..." Logan said, not sure where he was going with this.

Julian slid off the counter and leaned back against it again. He honestly would rather enjoy the wildly joyful beating of his heart and the feel of Logan against him.

"We'll talk about it..." Julian said reluctantly, "But can we wait till morning? You look exhausted and I know I am."

_Coward, _Julian thought to himself_. _He was too afraid to let himself be Logan's, not after everything that had passed between them in the past. He was afraid that Logan might not want the same things he wanted. But most of all, he was afraid of how much this boy made him feel.

Logan didn't want to wait... but he agreed. "Okay," Logan said.

"Do you want something to change into?" Julian asked.

"Uhh," Logan said, "Sure."

Julian turned and went to his room with Logan following at a distance. Julian began rummaging through his suitcase till he found a pair of sweats.

"These are way too big on me," he said handing them to Logan, who took them and held them up at his hips. They reached a little above his ankle. Julian grinned, "Still might be a little small."

Logan sighed and went into the bathroom that connected to Julian's room. He turned on the light and squinted at the fluorescent lights, terribly bright compared to the rest of the house which was softly lit in comparison. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, closing his eyes and trying to clear his head.

They had kissed and it had been... unbelievable. Logan licked his lips and realized he could still taste Julian. He began undressing slowly, taking off his button down and jeans.

Yes, they had kissed... but did that mean what he hoped it meant? Julian had been resisting so much. There was so much they had to work out. Logan knew deep down that he hadn't been forgiven yet. Julian didn't give things up that easily.

_And __he __didn__'__t __say __that __he __still __loved __you, _he thought sadly. Well, he was just even more determined to love him until Julian returned those feelings again. _If __he__'__ll __let __you, _he thought cynically.

On the other side of the door Julian was sitting on his bed, his legs crossed and his mind racing. If he was being honest with himself, this was the happiest he could ever remember feeling and it scared him a little. If this is what it really felt like to _feel _something, then his emotions in the past were a sad comparison to this. He felt whole, like with that one kiss with Logan had smoothed over all the holes and cracks that Julian pretended didn't exist.

All this time he had felt like giving into his feelings for Logan would break him. But here he was, feeling more alive than he had ever felt before.

The door to the bathroom opened revealing Logan and his bare ankles. Julian laughed and Logan rolled his eyes. He would have made a scathing remark about Julian being a midget, but he was still so unsure of where they stood right now.

"Oh shush," Logan said making towards the door to leave.

"Logan," Julian said, stopping Logan before he could make it to the door.

"Yeah?" he asked, hovering with his hand on the doorframe.

"You're not honestly going to sleep on the couch after that, are you?" Julian asked.

"Well..." Logan said and to his horror he felt himself blushing.

The idea of sleeping in the same bed with Julian and not actually _sleeping _with Julian seemed like a daunting task. But he didn't have much of a choice when Julian crawled to the end of the bed and reached out grabbing one of Logan's hands. Julian pulled gently and he followed. Logan stood waiting at the end of the bed, Julian's hand still in his.

"What... are you scared?" Julian asked, teasing.

Logan looked at the boy, a familiar sparkle in his eyes.

"Yes," Logan said in all seriousness.

Julian's smile faded and his heart skipped a beat. So he backed up bringing Logan with him. Logan crawled onto the bed and followed the pull of Julian's hand until they were at the headboard.

Julian pulled the covers over both of them and laid his head on the pillow. He felt the full weight of his exhaustion hit him as his cheek touched the cool sheets. Julian watched as Logan lay on his side slowly, hesitantly, facing him.

Julian didn't smile and said, "So am I."

Julian saw some strange emotion pass across his face. Pity? Relief? Love? He didn't know. But he felt himself drifting to sleep almost immediately. But he was conscious for long enough to feel Logan press his lips to his forehead, so gently, before moving himself closer and laying an arm over his side.

Logan didn't fall asleep for a long time. He sat there, gazing at Julian asleep, listening to his breath mix with the sound of the waves outside. He wished he hadn't agreed to talk in the morning now. He needed to know everything was going to be alright. He needed to know that Julian was _his. _He needed to know...

* * *

><p>Seven o'clock rolled around and the alarm went off. Julian's radio buzzed three times, waking Logan up immediately, before it switched to the whatever FM station it was left on.<p>

It took Logan a moment to remember where he was, but when he felt the tickle of Julian's hair against his cheek and neck he felt a little glow in his chest. He had no idea how nice it would feel to wake up with Julian in his arms. They had fallen asleep further apart, but sometime in the night Julian had tucked himself into Logan's arms and was now cradled against his chest, fast asleep. He pulled the still sleeping actor a little closer placing a kiss on his hair and smiling to himself at how right it felt to be together.

Now aware of his surroundings, Logan noticed the song playing on the radio for the first time.

_Wake me up, wake me up when all is done_

_I won't rise until this battle's won_

_My dignity's become undone_

Logan began laughing to himself and it made Julian stir. Waking up he curled further into Logan and groaned.

Logan heard him mumble something, his voice muffled by his chest. "What was that?" Logan asked quietly knowing Julian was still mostly asleep.

"She's stalking us," he mumbled a little louder this time so Logan could hear, his voice a slurred from just waking up.

Logan laughed again, "She is indeed."

Julian yawned and gave no signs that he was planning on getting out of bed yet.

"You're comfy," he said sleepily, nuzzling his face into the crook between Logan's neck and chest, "I think I'll keep you."

Logan smirked at that. He couldn't deny how undeniably adorable the boy in his arms was. He began singing along to the chorus softly, an octave lower than the original recording.

"_But __I __won't __go_..." he sang lazily, his voice thick from sleep, "_I __can't __do __it __on __my __own._"

"Mmmm... Shh..." Julian mumbled. Logan could feel Julian's breath against his chest through his t-shirt.

"_If __this __ain't __love __then __what __is? __I'm __willing __to __take __the __risk,_" he continued, smiling to himself.

Julian was smiling despite himself. He was glad Logan couldn't see it. Hearing the word love coming out of that boys mouth, even if it was just a song, made his stomach do a backflip. "Do you have this whole album memorized?" Julian asked teasingly, not his usual biting sarcasm.

"Don't pretend you don't. I've heard you singing along to every one of these songs at some point or another," he said, beginning to really wake up now. "Really, it's a wonder I didn't realize you were gay earlier," he said laughing a little.

Julian shot him a look. Logan looked back surprised before Julian rolled out of his arms to the side of the bed. "I'm not _gay, _thanks," he said, sounding much more awake now, his back now turned to Logan, "I'm bisexual."

Logan scooted closer to Julian putting a hand on his shoulder. Julian shrugged it off. Logan scoffed, "Don't be dramatic, you know I was only kidding."

Julian still didn't respond. Logan shook his head a little, not sure how gentle he was supposed to be being with him. And then he smirked as he listened to the lyrics again. He started singing again.

"_There __will __be __times __we'll __try __and __give __it __up,_" he sang, "_Bursting __at __the __seams._"

Julian groaned again and tried to wriggle free from Logan as the taller boy took him in his arms again.

"_No __doubt..._" Logan sang, so close to Julian now that his lips were brushing the back of his ear, singing so softly that only Julian would hear him. The contact made Julian itch to turn around and see what else those lips could do.

Logan kept on singing, "_We'll __almost __fall __apart __then __burn __the __pieces __to __watch __them __turn __to __dust. __But __nothing __will __ever __taint __us._"

"Stoooop," Julian whined, dragging the word out.

Logan smirked. "Make me," he said playfully.

Julian's heart thrummed for a second before he had turned around within Logan's arms and said, "Fine," with all the defiance he could muster before crushing his lips on Logan's. Logan, shocked for just a second, responded with as much enthusiasm. Again, Julian noticed how much warmer Logan's lips were against his own. Pressing closed mouth kisses against his lips, Julian ran a hand along Logan's back and scooted close enough for their chests to just barely brush, but there wasn't nearly enough contact for the two of them.

They had both completely forgotten the song playing in the background.

_Will he still love me even when he's free?_

_Or will he go back to the place where he would choose the poison over me?_

Julian felt Logan run his tongue terribly slowly across his lower lip as Julian gave in, opening his mouth to the boy he loved so much. As much as Julian loved the kiss last night, there was something sweeter here. Logan's tongue in his mouth wasn't any less exciting than last night, but today there was a certain degree of control in their actions. But Julian wouldn't deny how incredibly hot that desperation had been last night.

Julian's breath caught as he felt Logan pushing him slowly onto his back. Julian wondered for a moment if he would ever get to be the dominant one physically before he decided he didn't care as he would rather focus on the feeling of having Logan hovering over him and licking at his lips.

Teeth and tongues, they were both surprised at how quickly they got so good at this together. Julian sighed and it was almost a moan. This made Logan press even harder and throw a leg over Julian's legs so that he was straddling him properly now. Still though, Julian thought there wasn't nearly enough contact as Logan was only touching Julian where his knees were lined up with his hips and Julian's hands were hanging off off Logan's shoulders.

_If this ain't love, then what is?_

_I'm willing to take the risk _

Somewhere very far away, the song ended, but neither of them noticed. They were too distracted by each other.

"_That __was __another __track __off __Adele__'__s __album, __21...__" _said the DJ. "_Now __I __promised __you __listeners __some __celebrity __gossip __before __the __last __commercial __break. __Now __we __all __know __that __there __have __been __some __rumors __about __Julian __Larson __flying __around-__" _Logan pulled back from Julian and stared at the radio now.

"Who cares... don't listen," Julian begged wanting Logan to kiss him like that again. But Logan kept listening so Julian kissed down his jawline, his lips being too far away to reach.

"-_John __Drake__'__s __first __choice __for __the __role __in __his __newest __film __was __Julian __Larson __and __we __were __told __last __week __that __he __was __almost __positive __he__'__d __have __to __find __someone __else.__"_

Julian inwardly groaned.

"_But __EW __just __got __a __confirmation __from __his __agent __that __he _will _be __taking __the __role... __maybe __alongside __Blake __Lively __although __that__'__s __just __another __ru-__"_

Julian gave up kissing Logan and turned the radio off. Logan's eyes lingered on the radio before looking at the boy beneath him the question in his eyes.

"Well?" he prompted and Julian was happy that he didn't sound angry. That hint of sadness wasn't ideal either though.

"Well what?" Julian bluffed.

Logan scoffed. "Are you taking that part?" he asked more forcefully this time.

Julian's arms dropped from the other boys shoulders. He shrugged, "Well..." why was he so guilty? "...yeah."

Logan looked at him carefully. Julian wanted to squirm under those piercing eyes.

"And it's too late to back out?" Logan asked.

Julian nodded, feeling tiny under him all of a sudden, but he pushed on anyways. "And even if it wasn't too late... I don't know if I would," he said, trying to sound more sure of himself, because if he was being honest with himself, this movie would be good for him.

Logan finally broke that eye contact and said quietly, "Oh." He rolled off the other boy and moved towards the end of the bed.

"Hey!" Julian said and grabbed Logan's wrist before he could stand. Logan looked at their hands and then at Julian, sitting on the other edge of the bed. Julian was on his knees and leaning forward, looking Logan right in the eyes. "It's not my fault. This is actually a really great opportunity..." he said. "And it's not _just _about the opportunity, I want to do this. I've been dying for this role for months and I was leaving, really I was, before..." he took a deep breath, "before Adam."

Logan looked up. He hadn't heard Julian say his name since that night. "Then I understand," he said with a sad smile on his face.

Julian stared at the look on his face, confused. "I don't think you do..." Julian said slowly.

Logan let out a heavy sigh, forcing the hateful words out even if they broke his heart. "If you want to come back to Dalton, then I'll be waiting," Logan said. Julian felt a thrill of fear cut through his chest at these words. "I'm not going to stop you from doing what you want."

Julian stared for a moment before he yanked Logan forward and began kissing him more desperately than before. Hands on either side of his face he didn't let up even at Logan's little gasp of surprise.

"So-freaking-stupid," he said between kisses.

"Wha-?" he was cut-off by Julian's lips.

Julian pulled away just a little, staring straight into his face, holding his face between both of his hands. "You think I am going to wait three years to be with you to give you up after one night? One night without _sex_?" he asked incredulous.

Logan burst out laughing and Julian kissed him before that beautiful grin could disappear. Logan pulled away, still grinning like a goof.

"But what abou-"

"So what?" Julian said, his voice a little high, the relief flooding through him at how Logan looked at his own words, "So I'm going to be filming a movie. And why wouldn't I come back? The only reason I wasn't going to come back was because we could never-"

Logan pressing two fingers to his lips, cutting off the words, "Don't say it." Julian smiled and he removed his hand so he could give him a quick kiss.

Julian's smile grew, a little calmer now. "So what," he said again, gently now, "Filming doesn't start for a couple of weeks. There was no real reason for me to be here so early... I just wanted to get out. I can come back to Dalton with you _today,_" he said and Logan's face lit up. "And even once I do leave for filming... it's not Lord of the Rings Lo, I'll be back in a month... 6 weeks tops" he said still holding the other boys face.

Slowly, the smile on Logan's face grew until it lit up his eyes. Julian smiled too and leaned back in for the kiss that he knew was waiting for him.

Julian crawled Logan back until he was leaning against the backboard and Julian climbed into his lap, this time not leaving an inch of space between their bodies. Logan snaked a possessive hand along the small of Julian's back, holding him exactly where he wanted him. A hand in Logan's hair, Julian pressed further, his tongue tangling with the other boys in new ways.

Logan pulled away and began kissing up Julian's jaw until he reached his earlobe which he nibbled playfully.

Julian sighed and it turned into a breathy moan. "You see?" he said, struggling to keep his voice even when Logan began kissing his throat, "Why would I give this up?"

"Yeah, I understand that," Logan said, abandoning his mouth to look at the other boy in the eyes again, "I'm pretty amazing, huh?"

_Finally, _Julian thought. He had been waiting for cocky Logan to make an appearance.

Julian rolled his hips into the other boy and Logan groaned. Julian placed a swift kiss on his lips. "You're okay, I guess," he said before climbing off of him.

"Hey!" Logan shouted at him, "Where are you going!"

"Shower," Julian said easily as he pulled his t-shirt off, casually throwing it behind him as he sauntered into the bathroom. The shirt landed squarely in Logan's lap. Logan stared at his back muscles before, well defined, and down his spine to where- then the door cut off his view

"Fucking tease," he muttered. But then again, he wasn't entirely disappointed to know that _that _aspect of their relationship wouldn't take long to progress.

* * *

><p>An hour later they were ready to leave. Julian didn't have to pack anything because he'd only taken out one or two things from his bag. He had even managed to find Logan some clean clothes from a drawer that was full of things Logan and Derek had left at the house over the years, washed and folded neatly by the cleaning staff that got sent in when Julian wasn't staying there.<p>

They were waiting on the back porch waiting for Andy to show up to bring them to the airfield. Logan vaguely wondered what the twins had done with themselves all night, but he was sure they managed to cause some trouble and entertain themselves.

Before Andy could show-up however, they heard a car pull up, followed by a door slamming and high heels on stone.

"Oh shit..." Julian said, standing and making his way back into the house ahead of Logan. He almost made it to the door before he heard the sharp rapping from the other side. He swung it open, preparing himself for the storm.

"Oh hello Julian," Carmen said in sweet tone that was far too sinister. There was a very guilty-looking Clark standing behind her.

Carmen walked in without any invitation and Clark peaked up at Julian. "Sorry Julian..." he said. "But when your friend didn't call me back I figured I should call her to figure out if you were okay," he said.

Julian shook his head, smiling at Clark fondly. He put his hand out and Clark took it happily, then Julian pulled him into a hug that surprised Clark.

"I thought you'd be so annoyed with me!" Clark said.

"Carmen can be angry enough for the both of us," he said grinning at his friend.

Carmen was petite, but when she stood with her hand on her hips like that, julian felt like she was looming over him. She was all business all the time, but Julian knew that she cared about him.

"Would you like to explain why you decided to stay alone in an unprotected house by yourself when you recently were almost murdered?" she asked briskly.

"I wasn't alone," he said lightly.

Julian locked eyes with Logan over her shoulder who had caught up and was standing in the archway that led into living room, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

Carmen turned and saw the tall blonde she didn't recognize staring at her star. She glanced between the two boys for a moment before she said. "Right, well," she said in her business tone, "We'll have to figure out the best time and place to let _this_ story out."

Clark's eyes widened and Julian laughed, despite himself, "Damn you're quick Carmen."

"Yes, well, I'm very good at my job," she said, "That's why you work for me."

Julian grinned, "I thought you worked for me."

Carmen smiled fondly at him, "Oh no, hon, that's not how it works."

Clark moved forward now, grinning at Logan. "Nice to finally meet you," he said holding his hand out.

"Yeah," Logan said, taking his outstretched hand, "I don't know why we've never met before."

Julian grinned at the moment, taking note that they could look each other in the eye. "I don't like to mix business and pleasure," Julian said, throwing Logan a wink making Logan blush and Clark laugh. He turned back to Carmen.

Carmen looked outside and saw Andy's car pulling in, "Are you going somewhere?" she asked.

"Yeah... actually I'm going back to Dalton until filming starts," he said, nervous the change of plans would anger her.

She just sighed heavily, "You're going to be the death of me someday." Julian grinned at her. "I can't stay anyway," she said, "Selena has a meeting with a director and I really should be there. I just came to make you stay with Clark, but I see that's not necessary. Now don't think you've gotten away with this... this was definitely one of the stupider things you've done."

He laughed, "I'm looking forward to all your nagging."

She rolled her eyes, "Now you just tell me when you're ready and we'll set up an interview... Ellen would be thrilled obviously. Yes, that could work very nicely."

Logan laughed at that and Carmen shot him a look, "What was your name again?"

"Logan," he said coming forward and shaking her little hand which almost disappeared in his.

"Right, Logan," she said, "Don't let him do anything too dumb."

He smiled, "I'll try."

She left then, giving Julian a quick peck on the cheek before she left and taking Clark with her who wasn't necessary now that Julian was leaving.

"I'll be back soon," Julian promised him, "We'll hang out and I can explain all of this," he said nodding his head towards Logan.

"Looking forward to it," Clark said smiling.

With that Clark and Carmen left. Logan and Julian didn't wait too long to go meet Andy at the car.

Andy was leaning against the passenger door, smoking a cigarette.

"Who's this?" he asked as Logan came out carrying Julian's suitcase, "And why does he get to take your suitcase but I don't?"

Andy noticed how much happier his smile was today.

"I'm a friend of his," said Logan.

"A very good friend of mine," said Julian smiling.

Andy gave them a knowing look before he went around to start the car.

* * *

><p>When they finally made it to the airfield the Twins greeted the two of them with huge hugs.<p>

"Oof," Logan said as the blonde collided with him. He didn't have much time to recover before he was passed off to the other brother for an equally crushing hug.

"We knew you could do it Knave!" one of them shouted.

"We would have missed you Cheshire," said the other.

"Ugh," Julian said, "Get off!" he said trying to pry off who Logan now recognized as Ethan.

Logan just laughed, he didn't want this giddy feeling to ever leave him. They were led onto the absurdly lavish Jet by the Twins who had identical looks of glee on their faces.

"Now boys," said Evan in a mockingly stern voice, "Any amount of PDA is encouraged.

"Just know that the cleaners don't come in for a week," said Ethan in the exact same tone, "So we expect you to behave _a __little._"

"Oh my god," said Logan putting a hand over his face in pure humiliation and sitting himself down on one of the couches.

Equally disturbed by the Twins' suggestion as Logan, he sat on a different couch so there was no room for the Twins to speculate what they were doing back there.

They just laughed and made their way into the cockpit.

Julian stretched himself out on the couch, "Can they actually fly this thing?"

Logan shrugged leaning back on the comfortable couch, "They got me here alive... let's see if they can do it again."

The Twins managed to get the Jet off the ground within a few minutes and Logan stood to look out of the window near Julian's couch as L.A. got smaller and smaller. Julian would be returning here soon enough and he turned to look at him.

"Julian?" Logan said quietly.

"Yeah?" Julian asked from the couch.

Logan was staring outside instead of at Julian. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

He looked down and Julian was gazing at him, his chin resting on his hands.

"For what?" Julian asked, not because he didn't think there was anything to apologize for, but because he wondered what he was referring to.

"For everything..." he said heavily, "For so many things... but especially for... for giving up on you."

Julian just looked back and responded after a moment of thought, "When was that exactly?" he asked.

Logan sighed, "Do you remember the day when you got that first role after your awkward stage?"

"Yeah," Julian said slowly.

"Well..." Logan said, "I tried to talk you out of it... or, I don't know... just make sure you wanted to do it. And we talked in the courtyard and that was the day that I realized... or I _thought _I realized... that I was just so far out of your spectrum that I had to push any feelings I had for you out of my mind so I wouldn't get hurt."

He waited for Julian to respond but instead he began to chuckle, then it grew until he was outright laughing. This hadn't really been the reaction Logan had expected.

"Our timing is really impeccable," Julian said, the laughter still in his voice.

"How so?" Logan asked.

Julian was still smiling to himself. He looked up at Logan, his eyes sparkling, "That was the day I realized I was in love with you."

Logan's eyebrows shot up and it made Julian laugh more. Logan felt a smile creeping on his face as well as he began to laugh quietly to himself.

"We were pretty dumb, huh?" Logan said.

"Still are," Julian said, the happiness shining in his eyes as he watched Logan.

Logan took the step towards the couch and knelt next to him so he could look in his eyes. The laughter on Julian's face faded as he saw how seriously Logan was looking at him now.

"Julian..." he said quietly making sure the twins wouldn't hear, "I don't know if you've figured it out yet..."

Julian sat up so he was on his side leaning on his elbow. Logan took his free hand in both of his. Julian squeezed his hands, encouraging him to speak. Logan's heartbeat was picking up, knowing it was so unfair that he was so nervous to say this when his circumstances were infinitely easier than Julian's had been.

He caught Julian's gaze and held it. He didn't know if there was any color he loved more than that shade of brown. Julian looked back, almost worried. _Don__'__t __worry, _Logan wanted to say, _I__'__m __going __to __make __sure __you __never __have __to __worry __about __anything __ever __again... __I__'__ll __take __care __of __you._

"I love you," Logan said finally. The words were sure and even.

Eyes suddenly shining, Julian squeezed his hand asking, "Really?"

"Yes," Logan said.

"_Maximum __Altitude __reached,_" said the loud speaker and Logan looked up at the sound.

Logan silently cursed the damn Twins for playing Pilot. He looked back to Julian but he had pulled his hand out of Logan's, the moment gone. Julian didn't miss the look of hurt on Logan's face at the action.

He moved away from him then sitting on the other couch. He glanced at Julian once and gave him a small smile. But Julian could read the hurt in his eyes as the other boy crossed his arms and looked out the window.

Logan wasn't going to blame Julian if his feelings had changed. He had been through so much, and it had been _Logan himself _who had put him through so much of it. He could wait... but it wouldn't hurt any less.

_Of __course __I __love __you, _Julian thought. He remembered how Logan had asked him that last night too. He didn't know why he couldn't say it... maybe he hadn't forgiven him yet... or maybe he was just afraid to be that vulnerable again...

* * *

><p><em>an: ahaha there was some dirty stuff in there... I am worried I'm making them too sexy too quickly but that's just how I've always imagined their relationship to be. If you think I'm having the physical stuff go too quickly let me know!_

_Three chapters left! Hublah!_

_Next Chapter: Track 08: I'll be waiting_


	6. Chapter 6

_a/n: Holy smokes this chapter is long! So was the wait! I apologize for that... This chapter feels like a lot of it was filler and a little rushed but I had to tie up a few loose ends. I also didn't take super long editing this cause I wanted to get it up for you guys, so I'm sorry for that as well :/_

* * *

><p><strong>Track 08<strong>

_I'll be Waiting_

* * *

><p>They came back to Dalton with less fuss than they had expected. Luckily for his reputation, no one asked Logan about the rumors of his fight with Blaine and kiss with Kurt. But it didn't bother him any less knowing that the entirety of the school had spoken of little else for the past 24 hours.<p>

It had been worth it though, to see the look on Derek's face at the railing on the landing above them when he heard their voices in Stuart house. His jaw dropped initially before it slowly spread into a knowing grin.

"I knew it would happen all along," Derek said coming down to meet them.

"Yeah, bullshit D," said Julian smiling back.

This felt normal. The last time they had been together there had been far too many tears and meaningful words. The three of them needed something familiar and being together gave them a sense that everything would be okay at last.

* * *

><p>"Julian?" Logan asked hesitantly. He was standing in the doorway to Julian's dorm room.<p>

They had only been apart for a couple hours but Logan already felt the distance. But he hadn't come here because of that, he had to ask him something.

"What?" Julian asked as he unpacked some essentials for the two weeks he would be back at Dalton.

He took a deep breath. "I think I need to talk to Kurt," Logan said. He had no idea what kind of terms Julian would be on with Kurt after what had happened. Apparently they had been closer than he had imagined before Hell Night but he didn't know whether that would last past yesterday's fiasco.

Julian looked up at the boy standing in his doorway looking uncharacteristically nervous. "Yeah, I think so too," Julian said, relishing the look of surprise on Logan's face.

"You do?" he asked.

"Well, yeah," Julian said abandoning his suitcase to turn his full attention to Logan, "You can't apologize if you don't talk to him."

"Right," Logan said. "Would you... come with me?" he asked.

Julian chuckled, "Scared?"

"Hey!" he said, "I did end up in the hospital last time I was there!"

"You asked for that one bud," Julian laughed.

"Oh, shutup," Logan muttered.

Julian dropped the shirt he had hanging out of his hand, "Let's get this over with then."

* * *

><p>Fifteen minutes later they were knocking on Windsor's doors.<p>

"Relax," Julian said.

"Trying," Logan responded as he shook his hands out. Julian wanted to grab one of his hands and wondered if he should but the door opened before he could decide. Well, there would be plenty of time to try those things later.

The door opened to reveal three very familiar faces, two of them identical. They were flanking Dwight who had his spray bottle at his side and a crucifix dangling off his belt.

"I didn't want to open the door," Dwight said staring daggers at Logan.

"But we made him," said Ethan.

"Right, well," Logan said, "Could I talk to Kurt."

Dwight's eyebrows shot up, dark against his pale skin. "Is that really a good idea?"

"Shouldn't that be Kurt's decision?" Logan asked, trying to keep the hostility out of his voice.

"It's okay, you can let him in," said Evan.

"We promise he won't do anything to break the spiritual balance in the house," Ethan said smirking.

"Well... just in case," Dwight said, with a bit of an evil grin himself. And he raised his holy sprayer and sprayed Logan square in the face.

There was a tense pause as Logan just shut his eyes, standing perfectly still as the water dripped off his face.

Then Julian burst out laughing at the expression on Logan's face while he wiped off his face with his sleeve in what might have been the greatest test of his patience that weekend (which is saying a lot). The Twins were chuckling too, their arms crossed looking at their Knight proudly.

"Just checking," Dwight said with a smirk, "You never know when it comes to evil beings."

"I'm NOT an evil being," Logan said forcefully.

"Well," Dwight shrugged, stepping aside for Logan to come in, "Now we all know that. Now don't go kissing Kurt again or I might have to get out the crossbow."

Logan walked past Dwight in a huff and Julian followed, wiping his eyes from how hard he had been laughing.

"I'm not promising he'll want to talk to you," Dwight said as he mounted the stairs.

The Twins led Julian and Logan into the common room where they sat down on a couch. The Twins sat on the couch opposite them, smiling endlessly. The two Stuarts felt distinctly uncomfortable in the foreign common room. Julian had never been in here before and it only brought back bad memories of Blaine for Logan.

After a minute or two of the silence Julian snapped, "Would you stop doing that!"

"What?" the twins said in unison, their voices perfectly innocent.

"Stop smiling like that!" Julian said.

"You're the Cheshire Cat, not us," Evan said.

Logan groaned.

* * *

><p>"Kurt?" Dwight said knocking on his door.<p>

Blaine opened it almost immediately, "We know... Han told us."

"Ah," Dwight said taking a step inside, "Are you gonna come down then?"

"Of course I'm coming down," Kurt said briskly, but he looked nervous, "I would be coming _alone_if Blaine would let me."

Reed was sitting cross-legged on his bed, an abandoned sketch sitting in front of him. He looked anxious, "He's right Kurt, you shouldn't go by yourself."

"I'm just going to make sure that his apology is good enough," Blaine said. He of course, knew a lot more about the situation than Kurt did. He had been shocked when Han had told him that Logan _and_Julian were making their way across Windsor lawn. He hadn't been lying when he told Logan he thought it would work out, but it still didn't mean it wasn't a shock to see him less than a day later.

"Fine!" Kurt said, making his way to the door with Blaine.

"Good luck! Don't punch him again Blaine!" Reed said from the bed.

"He _won__'__t _be punching him again," Kurt said seriously. Blaine had the courtesy to look guilty, but he wouldn't say he regretted it yet. "Reed, you've got charcoal on your cheek," Kurt added as he was leaving.

Reed reached for his face self-consciously, smudging it even more and Kurt rolled his eyes before leaving.

Dwight followed them downstairs but stopped at the door to the common room. He heard Blaine say "Out," to what was presumably the Twins and they scurried out quickly enough.

"Ah, love is all around!" Evan said happily, practically skipping out of the room.

"How so?" Dwight asked skeptically.

"Come little Knight, we'll explain it all," said Ethan as the three of them headed upstairs.

* * *

><p>Blaine and Kurt took the seats that Ethan and Evan had just vacated. Kurt looked painfully awkward, Blaine looked tense and Logan was sitting on the edge of the couch looking nervous... Julian was the only one who had any semblance of calm and he was too good of an actor for any of them to tell if it was sincere or not. He had his ray bans on his head with one arm slung over the back of the couch looking like the celebrity he was.<p>

"Well!" Kurt said, cutting through the silence with his would-be casual tone, "Someone should probably start talking at this point."

"As in you Logan," Blaine said pointedly. He had apologized to Blaine, but he wasn't going to forgive him until Kurt did.

Logan resisted the urge to glare and instead began talking. "Okay," he said, glancing at Julian who gave him no help at all, "I guess I should start with telling you how sorry I am... to both of you."

Blaine didn't really react but Kurt's expression had already softened a bit.

"I didn't do it for the reasons you think," Logan said awkwardly, glancing at Julian who was looking pointedly away. He was beginning to regret bringing him.

"Then what were your reasons?" Kurt asked bluntly, his arms folded.

"Well..." Logan said quietly. He was beginning to regret bringing Julian with him. Frustrated, he said, "I thought you would have already explained this Blaine!"

"Oh!" Blaine shot back, "Sorry I kept your secrets. Okay. I'll make sure to tell everyone next time."

"Why does Blaine know and I don't?" Kurt said, annoyed.

"We had some downtime in the hospital," Logan said.

"Ah..." Kurt said, "And you two decided to have a little moment?" he said sarcastically. Neither one of them responded. "It doesn't matter, someone should probably start explaining this to me," Kurt said when they didn't explain themselves further.

"Okay..." Logan said, his voice conveying just how much he didn't want to say this here in front of two boys he once loved and the one he currently loved. "The reason I did it was-"

"Ugh," Julian said suddenly cutting Logan off and making everyone look at him, "This is so awkward. Why did you make me come."

"Well," Logan said annoyed but secretly glad for the delay in saying what he knew he had to say, "It _was _for support."

"Blaine, why don't we go talk outside?" Julian said, ignoring the sarcasm and surprising everyone with the suggestion. "It'll be less awkward for everyone involved," Julian said as his explanation.

"I don't want to leave Kurt alone with him," Blaine said seriously but he understood why Julian didn't want to hear this.

"I'm not going to kiss him again for christ's sake!" Logan said.

"You can count me personally accountable for any stupid shit he does while they're alone," Julian said easily, standing and hoping Blaine would follow with him.

Blaine still looked hesitant and he turned to Kurt to protest.

"Blaine," Kurt said gently. He put a hand on his shoulder. "It's fine," he said with a finality in his voice. Blaine looked like he wanted to protest but Kurt just raised an eyebrow and Blaine sighed in defeat.

He followed Julian outside. Standing in the hallway with the celebrity waiting for him to lead the way was beyond awkward. They had only ever spoken during two situations: when Logan and Blaine were fighting last year and when they were trying to escape a burning art hall, and all subsequent conversations about said night. Neither of those topics made for light conversation.

"Do you want to go to the kitchen then?" Blaine asked awkwardly.

"Whatever's fine," Julian said easily.

They walked down the hall to the kitchen and once inside, stood awkwardly in silence.

"Should I even ask?" Julian asked looking at the scorched ceiling.

"Drew and Satoru," Blaine said.

"Ah," Julian said and left it at that.

Blaine sat on one of the kitchen stools at the island and Julian leaned against the counter next to the oven.

"You don't have to explain you know," Blaine said, "I've already talked to Logan."

Julian frowned and nodded, "Yeah, I know. I just didn't want to sit there while Logan told Kurt that stuff."

Blaine nodded. It was so strange to see Julian standing in Windsor, looking around the kitchen, his eyes lingering on little oddities that Blaine was sure were absent in Stuart.

"How did he get you to come back?" Blaine asked after a long pause.

Julian shrugged. "I don't know really," he said and he meant it. He wasn't entirely sure what broke him down in the end. "I guess... when you've wanted something as badly and for as long as I've wanted Logan... well you take it under any conditions," he said.

Blaine glanced at him, "What conditions are those?"

Julian smirked, "Well, twelve hours after he kissed your boyfriend, for one thing."

"But, you know why he did that as much as I do," Blaine said.

"Yeah, I know," Julian said heavily, "And it all worked out, didn't it?"

"I don't know... did it?" Blaine asked.

Julian felt uncomfortable having the question redirected at him. "It worked out well enough," he said meaning for that to be the end of that discussion. "But that's not why I asked to talk to you. Apart from not wanting to witness the awkwardness that I'm sure is going on in there, I actually have a favor to ask of you."

"Of me?" Blaine asked surprised.

* * *

><p>"You're really in love with him?" Kurt sounded beside himself with happiness. All awkwardness had melted away the moment Logan had explained himself.<p>

"_Yes,__" _Logan said, horribly embarrassed that he had to go through this for what felt like the hundredth time this weekend.

"So are you two... you know..." Kurt said, his eyebrows raised and a smirk on his face.

"Dating?" Logan provided.

"Yeah!" Kurt said.

"Well... I think so," he said.

It sounded silly to say they were dating. Less than twenty four hours in and it already felt infinitely more significant than dating. Julian was everything now.

"I mean... we've kissed and I told him I love him... and if he still loves me... then we're dating right?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah, that sounds like you've covered most of your bases," he said smiling, "How was the kiss?" Kurt asked, his eyes alight. "Better than ours I hope?"

Logan snorted, "I was conscious at the end of it and he wasn't sobbing if that's what you mean."

"Too soon," Kurt said, his face reddening.

"Sorry," Logan said, "Sorry." He didn't know if he was allowed to bring this up, but he had to apologize for it, "You know that I had no idea that there were other... factors involved," he finished awkwardly.

"Yes, well," Kurt said knowing what he meant immediately. It had crossed his mind that Blaine may have told him now that he knew they had been talking at the hospital. He continued, "Those factors are no longer involved. I'm just glad that it wasn't some last attempt to win me over."

Logan smirked, slightly embarrassed, "No... it wasn't, disappointed?"

"Not quite," Kurt said with a smile.

* * *

><p>"So you'll do it?" Julian asked as they left the kitchen a ten minutes later.<p>

Blaine was grinning, "Yeah, definitely. Sounds like fun."

Kurt was standing in the hallway, "Logan's waiting for you outside."

"That was quick," Julian said.

"Well it all made sense pretty quickly," Kurt said with a smile.

Julian rolled his eyes and turned to Blaine, "Thanks, then I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Absolutely," Blaine said and Julian made to walk out the front doors, pulling down his ray bans as he went, to where Logan was waiting.

When Julian turned his back, Blaine couldn't help but add one last thing. "If you ever need to talk to anyone..." he said in a rush.

Julian stopped and turned slowly, smiling at the shorter boy. "You'll be my first call," he said and Blaine had no idea if he was making fun of him or if he was entirely serious.

He made his way outside to where Logan was sitting on the steps. He looked back at the sound of the door opening and smiled at Julian.

"Feel better?" Julian asked walking down the steps towards Logan.

"Yeah, actually," Logan said, "What did Blaine have to say?"

"Oh, you know," he said lightly as Logan stood to walk beside him, "Told me how terrible you are in bed and what not."

Logan rolled his eyes and walked beside the boy in silence. He was surprised when he felt Julian's hand in his. He looked over at the boy who was looking pointedly ahead. Logan smiled to himself as they made their way back to Stuart house.

* * *

><p>Logan and Derek were in the common room late that night. They were sitting at the same table finishing up some homework a little past midnight. Logan, who had been in the hospital and to L.A. and back, had had next to no time to do any of his homework. Derek had been at the first regatta of the season all day and was trying to catch up.<p>

"Thanks," Derek said looking up from his textbook and breaking the sleepy silence of the empty house.

"For what?" Logan asked.

"For bringing him back," Derek said.

Logan looked up from his chemistry notes. "Well," he said, "I did it for selfish reasons, really."

Derek shrugged, "But still... we need him."

Logan sighed, tucking his notes back into the folder and closing it before grabbing his Economics textbook. "Believe me," Logan said heavily, "I know."

Derek smiled faintly, "So what are you going to do when he goes then?"

"Oh, you know," Logan said smiling a little, "Bitch about it to you everyday until he comes back."

Derek smirked, "Sounds about right."

Logan flipped to the chapter he was looking for, "But really, I'm going to go visit him one weekend we don't have any Warbler concerts or anything."

Derek was staring at his textbook without actually reading it. He was thrilled obviously, that Julian was back. But he was nervous too. Sure, this is what he had wanted to happen for however long he had known Julian was in love with the Blond sitting across from him. But now that it had happened... and in the current circumstances... he felt the need to say something.

"Listen, Logan," Derek began, finally tearing his eyes away from his book.

"Yeah?" Logan said, looking up too noticing the seriousness of his voice.

Derek was trying to bring himself to say it. "You can't..." he began but his words caught in his throat.

Logan tensed and waited for Derek to continue. "I can't _what_Derek," he said huffily when Derek didn't continue.

"You can't hurt him," Derek said in a rush of words. The look on Logan's face made him nervous and the words started tumbling out of his mouth, "You just can't. I'm serious Logan. After everything that's happened and after everything that he went through you have to be-"

"Why the HELL do all you people think I'm going to hurt him!" Logan said shoving his notes away from him.

"Are you serious, Logan?" Derek asked, incredulous and feeling the nervousness being quickly replaced by anger.

"Yeah, I'm fucking serious Derek," Logan spat.

"Have you forgotten that you've been in two, not one but_two_, abusive relationships in the past year?" Derek said his voice rising.

"That was different! I'd never hurt Julian like that!"

"You shouldn't be hurting _anyone_like that, Logan!" Derek shouted. "And have you forgotten that you gave him a bloody nose not two weeks ago-"

"I told you that was an accident!" Logan shouted.

They had no idea that Julian had been standing at the door listening to the conversation. He had meant to come down because he couldn't sleep but when he heard raised voices he stopped to listen. Julian felt like he was five again, listening at doors while his parents fought over him.

"Was it an accident when you threw him into your CD rack last year?" Derek shot back.

Logan hesitated now, that fire in his eyes fading at Derek's words, "That was a long time ago," he said weakly.

"Does that make it any better?" Derek asked.

"No, but-"

"_Please_ don't try to defend yourself on that one... I think you broke one of his ribs that day," Derek said leaning back and crossing his arms.

"What!" Logan said, his voice jumping an octave.

"Yeah, Logan!" Derek shouted, "He couldn't sit up for an entire class and I saw him clutching his chest any time he walked more than 5 steps."

Logan was speechless. Moments like these reminded him why he didn't deserve to be forgiven. A dozen other moments where he had shoved Julian, pushed him aside or even hit him flashed before his eyes in a daze.

"I apologized," Logan said weakly, his only defense. Julian took a tiny step out of the shadow of the hall trying to hear their voices.

"And did he forgive you?" Derek asked seriously.

Logan put his elbows on the table and pressed his palms into his eyes before running them through his hair.

"I have no idea," Logan said. "Honestly, I don't know if he's forgiven me for any of it... I wouldn't if it were me."

Julian took another step in trying to hear.

"Well, it's a good thing he's not you," Derek said heavily.

Julian stepped into the room in full now. "Were you guys planning on including me in this conversation at some point?"

They both jumped at the Julian's voice coming from the doorway. Julian walked over to where they were sitting and stood at their table, not sitting down just standing at the edge of the table with his hands on his hips. He looked between the two of them, but his eyes lingered on Logan's face.

"Should I-" Derek began, "Right, I'm gonna go." He began hastily piling his books and notebooks up and shoving them in his backpack.

Logan watched him leave instead of meeting Julian's eyes which he could still feel on him. Derek looked back once and locked eyes with Logan before disappearing behind the door.

Logan watched Julian take the seat opposite where Derek had been sitting only a moment before. It still alluded Logan how Julian could look so casual sitting in a stiff academic wooden chair like that. Leaning back with one arm slung over the back of the chair, Julian waited for Logan to speak.

"How much of that did you hear?" Logan asked.

"All of it, I'm pretty sure," Julian said.

"We've never really talked about it, have we?" Logan said heavily.

"Not really, no," Julian said with that ever-present calm, always in stark contrast to Logan's violent mood swings.

Logan studied his friend's face for any sign of emotion. He didn't know what he was looking for, betrayal maybe, but he couldn't see a thing past that cool mask of his.

When Logan finally spoke, his voice was soft, "You do know how sorry I am, don't you?" His voice was heavy with guilt.

"Of course I do," Julian said simply, not making the conversation any easier for Logan by leaving it at that. Of course he wouldn't say whether or not he had forgiven him... he wasn't sure if he knew himself.

"You know it," Logan said sadly, "But you haven't forgiven me."

"That's not true," Julian said forcefully.

"Isn't it though?" Logan asked, trying to see the answer on the other boys face.

Julian struggled to keep the emotions off his face when Logan was looking at him like that. He tried to remember how he had done this under those eyes for so many years. His emotions suddenly had their own will when Julian used to be able to control them. But it was entirely different now, and he wanted to stop denying how much better if felt. He felt lighter, freer, and instead of feeling pressure under Logan's gaze, he felt the weight lift a little more each time. He knew he didn't have to lie anymore.

"I don't know," he said honestly.

Grateful as he was that Julian was being honest, it didn't do anything to stem the wave of remorse that came with it. He used to just push his mistakes aside and somehow things always seemed to work out in his favor. But with Julian, he had no choice but to stare at his mistakes in the face and find a way to fix them if he had any hope of working things out with the boy he cared about so much.

"I love you," Logan said as if it was the only justification he would ever need. He said it with as much conviction and sincerity as he could muster and yet he still felt like he was trying to prove it.

"I believe you," Julian said.

It hurt. It hurt worse than the first two times. Logan closed his eyes and sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"What can I do?" Logan asked.

"What do you mean?" Julian asked.

Logan sighed heavily. "You know what I mean..." he said quietly. Three times now, Julian had refused to say he loved him. It was torturing him to think he might be too late, that Julian's feelings for him might never be the same. When he looked up he was shocked to see Julian looking guiltier than he felt.

"Just-" Julian began but his voice cracked and he turned his head away from the other boy. He swallowed, "Just give me some time."

Logan stared for a moment. He was always so surprised at how raw Julian's emotions were when he let anyone see them. He felt a rush of affection for the boy sitting across from him.

"Of course..." Logan said, cursing the table between them, making any kind of contact inconvenient.

"Okay," Julian said.

Julian hated the rush of feelings that came every time he imagined telling Logan that he loved him. Him loving Logan had caused so much grief and he didn't know how to stop connecting those feelings with everything that had resulted from them. Not to mention every time he remembered the first time he had told Logan he loved him he had to resist the urge to clutch at his sides and choke back sobs like had so many nights since then.

"I think I'll go back to bed then," Julian said finally.

"Alright," Logan said, "Why were you up so late, anyways?"

"Got a new version of the script," Julian said standing now walking past Logan towards the door, "They actually managed to cut some of my cheesier moments. This movie might actually turn out pretty decent."

"That's good then," Logan said smiling, painfully aware of how disappointed he was that Julian didn't kiss him goodnight.

Then he felt his arms wrap around his shoulders from behind, one hand trailing across his chest, and Julian kissed his cheek lightly.

"Night Lo," he said softly.

"Goodnight Jules," he said leaning his head against one of Logan's arms wrapped around him.

"Do your work," Julian said before pulling away from Logan and heading back for the door.

Logan's smile faded as he heard the door close behind him.

* * *

><p>The next few days were torture for Logan. He still felt like he hadn't actually made any progress talking to Julian. On the surface, being with Julian came more naturally than he could have ever imagined. It was easy to give him quick kisses in the morning or wrap an arm around his waist when they were talking to others. It was even easy with Derek. When it was the three of them, they fell into the same familiar routine of their friendship without much thought about how things were different.<p>

One thing Logan would have never realized would be so hard were classes. Classes without Julian were terrible, but classes with Julian were worse. Julian didn't seem to have any trouble paying attention during those periods, but Logan had a feeling his grades were going to take a steep drop in the alphabet if he had to sit next to Julian without touching him for much longer.

Two days of classes and Logan was practically dragging Julian back to the dorms when the last bell rang with very little protest. Logan didn't slow down once they got back to Stuart house. Going straight upstairs, still dragging Julian by the hand and walking into Julian's room without hesitation.

Logan slammed the door behind them and pushed Julian up against it before kissing with a moan of relief. Julian thread both of their hands together and let Logan press against him. Tongues moving together hastily, they couldn't get enough of each other.

Logan broke away and began backing up, pulling Julian by both hands. Julian smirked as he sauntered over. Logan sat on the bed and dropped Julian's hand in exchange for his hips. Julian dropped one knee on either side of Logan's legs and draped his hands over his neck before kissing him sweetly.

"I hate class," Logan murmured between kisses.

"I can tell," Julian said as Logan skipped over his mouth to kiss down his neck.

"Oh my god..." Julian said in what was dangerously close to a moan as Logan began sucking on his collarbone. "I know we're in the honeymoon phase or whatever," he said, "but I don't think I'm ever going to stop wanting you this much."

"Damn right you won't," Logan growled against his neck, pulling his shirt collar further down so he could reach more of his skin. He was suddenly grateful that Julian often bypassed the tie requirement, it made undressing him that much quicker.

"Lo-Logan... stop," Julian said, biting back a moan as Logan began unbuttoning his shirt.

Logan stopped immediately leaning back so that he wasn't touching Julian at all except for where Julian was still sitting on him, which kind of defeated the purpose.

"I'm sorry..." he said immediately, "I thought you wanted me to..."

Julian's eyebrows furrowed as he stared down at his boyfriend, "Uh, yeah. I did. But you have Warbler's rehearsal in 15 minutes... you said you wanted me to come?"

"Oh! Oh wait, shit..." Logan said realizing, "Sorry... I thought you were stopping me..."

Julian laughed. "Logan," he said, barely hiding the humor in his voice, "I'm not exactly a virgin. You don't need to constantly be worrying about that."

"I wasn't trying to-!" Logan began to protest and Julian smiled at the indignation.

"I know!" Julian laughed, "I know. I'm just saying that I'm almost positive that there isn't anything you could do that I wouldn't want as much if not more." Logan smirked, resisting the urge to let his body react to his words. "Try to remember, I've been waiting for this a lot longer than you have," Julian said with a smirk.

Logan leaned up and kissed him sweetly, his arms wrapping around his waist slowing things down knowing they didn't have time to take this any further. He pulled away after a few moments and Julian climbed off of him to sit next to him.

Logan began speaking again, "I just figured... with everything that happened-"

"Nothing is going to go back to normal if you don't stop making everything about him!" Julian snapped suddenly, cutting off his words, in a harsh tone that made Logan flinch.

Shocked, Logan didn't speak for a moment. He knew how affected he still was and he was desperate for Julian to talk to him about it, or to talk about it period. He had refused a therapist and Logan knew he had barely spoken to Derek about it. But it wouldn't be helpful to either of them if Logan forced him into it and this was the second time he had made Julian snap when talking about Adam. Damn, he couldn't stop screwing up could he?

"You're right," he said cupping Julian's face in one of his hands, "But promise me you'll talk about it if you need to?"

"Yeah, of course," Julian said brushing it off and ducking out from Logan's hand and getting off the bed.

He was standing in front of Logan and Julian tried his best to ignore the hurt in his eyes. "Warblers practice," he reminded him.

"Right," Logan said, "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," Julian said, "Let's go."

* * *

><p>"Why am I here, Lo," Julian asked, annoyed and sitting in the back of Warbler hall as more and more blazers came through the door.<p>

"Just hush and be patient," Logan said, nudging the other boy with his shoulder.

Blaine and Kurt came in a little ahead of the other Windsors and Logan eyed Kurt who smirked back. Julian noticed this, but was distracted when Blaine gave him a genuine smile and a quick nod. Logan noticed too and his eyes followed Blaine's back until he sat down when he promptly turned to Julian.

"What was that all about?" Logan asked the moment they were out of ear-shot.

"What?" Julian asked innocently.

"Why did Blaine just smile and nod at you?" he asked, trying to keep his voice low.

"Well," Julian said, his face revealing nothing, "It's probably because of that illicit affair we're having."

"I'm serious," Logan said not laughing.

Julian shrugged, "I don't know... he's a lot cooler with us since you and I began dating. Maybe he was just being nice." Logan eyed him skeptically. "What!" Julian said when he didn't look away.

"I'm beginning to tell when you're lying to me," Logan said, "Just for future reference."

"It's about time," Julian said smirking, "I've been lying to you for three years."

Logan scoffed, "Damn actors..."

"You won't be complaining when I take you to the Oscars next year," Julian countered.

"On the contrary," Logan said, "I probably will be complaining."

"Yeah, but that's because you're a whiner," Julian said.

Before Logan had a chance to respond Harvey walked in the door and the chatter in room settled quickly. Medel came in behind him and sat on the piano bench.

Harvey stood at the piano and looked at the room very seriously. "Regionals," he said looking around at all the somber faces, "We have two weeks. Now I know a number of you have expressed interest in solos for the event." A number of boys sat up a little straighter. "We've decided for our closing number to be a duet and to open with a solo," he said. "Because we received so much interest for the duet, we've decided that we're going to let anyone duel for the spots. I know at least five of you have shown some interest in it."

Logan wondered at the number. Maybe Reed wasn't dueling and the twins were.

"I thought we'd start the day off with a veteran," Harvey said looking at the back of the room, "Logan, if you're ready."

"_This _is why you're here," Logan said quickly before standing and walking towards the piano. Julian's eyes widened, a little nervous, as he watched Logan walk to the front.

Kurt stood as well as Bailey and Reed. There was a general murmur at the people who stood up. A Stuart being backed up by two Windsors was really a rare event.

Logan sat at the piano and the three singers stood behind it. Logan glanced once at Julian in the back and he didn't smirk or grin, he smiled. Julian's stomach did a back-flip at the sight.

Logan looked away then and the room was filled with sound as Logan began playing a jazzy piano line that Julian knew immediately. He had to resist the urge to laugh out loud.

Kurt and the other singers began to hum the back-up as the replacement for the trumpets. The Warblers were all sitting up now, this didn't sound like one of Logan's usual choices.

_Hold me closer one more time,_

_Say that you love me in your last goodbye,_

_Please forgive me for my sins,_

_Yes, I swam dirty waters,_

_But you pushed me in,_

Julian was resisting the urge to smile, not wanting to give away the fact that this song was directed at him. Julian was thanking the gods above that Logan had to look at the piano while he sang because he didn't know if he could deal with those eyes on him now. He already felt the warmth spreading from his chest as he listened to the song that was clearly meant for him.

_I've seen your face under every sky,_

_Over every border and on every line,_

_You know my heart more than I do,_

_We were the greatest, me and you,_

Logan stood and kicked the piano bench a few feet behind him, not missing a note, as his voice rose.

_But we had time against us,_

_And miles between us,_

A quick flash of guilt, Julian had put those miles between them and he was going to again. But he knew that wasn't the purpose of the song.

_The heavens cried,_

_I know I left you speechless,_

_But now the sky has cleared and it's blue,_

_And I see my future in you,_

Heart swelling, Julian was embarrassed at how much those words meant to him. Logan had always been his whole being, but now he knew he could be something in return.

Logan was pounding the keys, his body moving with the music, as the song built.

_I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,_

_I put my hands up,_

_I'll do everything different,_

_I'll be better to you,_

He was truly belting now and none of the Warblers had ever heard him sing like this. His performance was as flawless as ever, but he never sang anything this lively and never so open.

_I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,_

_I put my hands up,_

_I'll be somebody different,_

_I'll be better to you,_

Julian stared at his lap, smiling to himself. He wondered if Logan actually had any doubt about whether he loved him still because for Julian, not loving Logan seemed like the most absurd thing in the world. Just hearing him sing filled him with joy, and listening to him sing _now _knowing what those words meant made him feel like his whole body was warm with happiness.

_Let me stay here for just one more night,_

_Feel your world around me,_

_And pull me to the light,_

_So I can tell you that I was wrong,_

_I was a child then, but now I'm willing to learn,_

And he meant it, he was willing to do anything for Julian to love him again, for Julian to trust him again. He meant every word of it as he let the song rise.

_But we had time against us,_

_And miles between us,_

_The heavens cried,_

_I know I left you speechless,_

_But now the sky has cleared and it's blue,_

_And I see my future in you,_

Julian should have seen it coming, he really should have. Logan slipped away from the piano and Kurt took over the line seamlessly.

_I'll be waiting for you _

He pointed- he actually pointed- directly at Julian who's eyes widened. There was laughter and catcalls and half the room turned to stare at their resident celebrity with bright grins on their faces.

_When you're ready to love me again,_

Hands over his heart he began walking (dancing?) down the aisle between the seats as every eye followed him. Julian began shaking his head furiously and staring daggers at him. Logan only beamed. The noise in the room grew as they realized where he was going.

_I put my hands up,_

_I'll do everything different,_

_I'll be better to you,_

"Be better now!" Julian mouthed the words at Logan and he laughed during his next line.

_I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,_

_I put my hands up,_

He dropped his hand on the back of his own chair and the he bent over, leaning close to Julian as he sang and the room was filled with catcalls and whoops from the other boys. Julian stared back defiantly as Logan sang to him.

Julian was actually blushing and Logan thought it might be the most adorable thing he'd ever seen. He had to resist the urge to stop singing and kiss him senseless in front of all these people.

_I'll be somebody different,_

_I'll be better to you,_

Logan sat himself down in his own chair throwing an arm around Julian then. Who was trying desperately to look unhappy about this but Logan saw the softness behind that scowl.

_Time against us,_

Logan was singing gentler now as the boys echoed his words over by the piano. Julian was staring huffily at the front of the room where Kurt was peaking back to see what was going on between the two of them. Julian was finding it incredibly hard to frown right now.

_Miles between us,_

_Heavens cried,_

_I know I left you speechless,_

Shaking his head now Logan put a hand on Julian's cheek to turn his face to his own as he sang with as much sincerity as he could muster. Julian turned grudgingly but Logan's hand stayed on his cheek. The moment Julian turned and saw the look on his face he realized how much this song actually meant to Logan. And at the same time, he realized how much it meant to him as well.

_Time against us,_

_Miles between us,_

_Heavens cried,_

_I know I left you speechless,_

He stood then, as his voice began to build, never breaking eye contact with Julian. Julian didn't know if he could look away, mesmerized by that voice. And he began belting notes they didn't think Blaine could even hit.

_I know I left you speechless,_

_I'll be waiting,_

There were whistles of approval as Logan's voice filled the room.

_I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,_

_I put my hands up,_

_I'll do everything different,_

_I'll be better to you,_

Where Logan had been squeezing his eyes shut to hit those notes before, now his eyes were open and they were only looking at one person.

_I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,_

_I put my hands up,_

_I'll be somebody different,_

_I'll be better to you_

With one last flourish on the piano from Kurt Logan finished singing, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he grinned at the explosion of applause from the whole group of Warblers. There were even a few people who had jumped to their feet and Logan was grinning like an idiot. It didn't matter that Logan was caught up in the rumor mill right now or that he had abandoned them last year, no one could deny that the performance was one of the best they'd ever seen in that hall. But Logan wasn't particularly concerned with how anyone's reaction save for one.

He looked back at Julian who was shaking his head and clapping his hands slowly, a small smile on his face as he watched. Logan beamed at him and Julian's eyes shone. He began making his way to him immediately, not caring what Harvey or Medel might have to say to him about his performance.

Blaine stood too and passed him halfway down the aisle. "Top that Andersen," Logan said as he passed him, the applause still ringing throughout the hall. Blaine only smiled at him as he picked up his guitar and made his way to the front of the room.

Logan walked back to where Julian was sitting. He had stopped applauding now and was watching Logan's approach with a curious look on his face. Logan sat next to him again and his smile widened when he noticed that Julian still had that pretty red glow to his cheeks. The applause began to die down now.

"So?" Logan asked casually.

Julian smirked, "It was pretty good."

Logan laughed and looked to the front of the room where Medel was trying to settle the Warblers down.

"That an amazing performance Logan," she said looking at him fondly. "Now, I think you're all going to enjoy our next solo," she continued.

"I didn't realize how similarly we think sometimes," Julian said over Ms. Medel and not looking at Logan.

"We have not only a new dueler-" she was saying.

"How so?" Logan asked, barely paying attention to what Medel was saying.

"-but a new Warbler as well," Ms. Medel finished. This caught Logan's attention as he looked to the front of the room. There was a wave of confused chatter from around the room as they all looked at Blaine who had set up not one but _two _stools and was now carrying two acoustic guitars from the other side of the room.

"Come on up Julian," Harvey said from where he was sitting with a smile.

Logan's head snapped to stare at the boy sitting next to him who just stood without a word and made his way to the front of the room.

* * *

><p><em>an: __DEAR READERS! Please help me! I have questions my dears!_

_COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL (lol) QUESTION: Is two weeks two short of a time for two people who are dating to have sex? Even if they're madly in love and would do anything for each other? If you didn't realize, this is NOT a hypothetical question, I'm talking about our pretty boys of course!_

_Drop a review and tell me what you think! I really can't figure out which way I want to go on this one!_

_Also! If you want fun pre-Jogan I wrote a silly oneshot about Julian in a Calvin Klein underwear ad in Times Square that Logan is rather affected by :D Good times great oldies yah?_


	7. Chapter 7

a/n: Guys... Mama has gotten me into Merlin and Logan has ABSOLUTELY become Bradley James in my mind. Goddamn.

This chapter totally would have been out yesterday if I hadn't been distracted by the prospect of West Side Story and KLAINE SEX! Loved Glee last night... Also, the only music I can write this fanfiction to anymore is Adele and the Spring Awakening soundtrack because it's so goddamn sexy!

Look out! Mild sexytimes ahead! Tread carefully! And sorry if it's awful =]

* * *

><p><span>Track 10<span>

_Love Song_

* * *

><p>"Come on up Julian," Harvey said with a smile.<p>

Logan snapped his head to stare wide-eyed at Julian and he wasn't the only one. The Warblers exclaimed and began talking excitedly. Half the room had their heads craned around to stare at the two of them. Every eye followed Julian as he made his way up to the front of the room.

Blaine offered him one of the guitars with a smirk and he took it and sat on the stool facing the room. Logan stared, completely stunned as Julian got comfortable with his guitar sitting next to Blaine in front of the _Warblers._

Damn he was sneaky... he'd been complaining about coming to this rehearsal since yesterday.

The room was still buzzing and chattering as Julian smirked at the audience.

"Settle down," Harvey said sternly and the room fell silent in impatient silence. "Whenever you're ready boys."

Blaine began gently picking the guitar and Logan knew exactly what they were going to sing. Julian joined in, layering his own part over Blaine's guitar perfectly. Logan wondered how he had never known Julian played guitar.

And then Julian began to sing.

And Logan thought his heart might burst at how beautiful it was.

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am home again_

Logan felt like he couldn't breathe. He had heard Julian sing before, but only before he had let that wall down. And suddenly he realized just how much he had been missing. How had he never realized?

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am whole again_

His voice was amazing without even trying. It was completely effortless, his voice rising and falling with perfect ease. Julian made singing like an angel look easy.

The song was in complete contrast to Logan's. Logan had been belting and there was so much energy in his performance. Julian's though... Julian's was gentle and sweet with nothing to take away from the raw emotion.

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am young again_

The Twins turned and smirked at each other. If there were ever two old souls in Dalton, it was Julian and Logan. But Logan was thinking of other things... if there was anything that had taken Julian's innocence before his time, it was Adam.

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am fun again_

Where Logan had looked directly at Julian during the lines that were significant, Julian couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't know if he could keep singing if he looked up. He felt his heart swell with each word and he was already so scared at how much he was showing, at how vulnerable he was letting himself be.

_However far away I will always love you_

_However long I stay I will always love you_

_Whatever words I say I will always love you_

_I will always love you_

Logan's eyes widened... those words couldn't mean more to him. Maybe he had always known that it was true and maybe Julian hadn't said it to him directly, but Logan heard truth behind the song. Julian singing those words with so much bare emotion almost had Logan in tears.

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am free again_

Julian's voice was rising now and Logan heard a different quality come to his voice as the words went past their own relationship into a more dangerous territory. His voice was just a little strained and Logan saw a change behind his eyes.

Logan knew it... Julian wasn't okay. He didn't know if he ever would be. And now, sitting in front of all these people, Logan could hear it in those words. He couldn't lie, not while he was singing and Logan could hear so much.

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am clean again_

Nothing had made Julian feel dirtier than the way Adam had felt about him and the things he had done. But when he was with Logan, it wasn't important anymore. Nothing was important anymore, except him. Julian didn't know how someone could become your whole being in so little time. But then again, Logan had been creeping into his heart for years and there wasn't much further to go for him to be his whole being once they made that leap together.

_However far away I will always love you_

_However long I stay I will always love you_

_Whatever words I say I will always love you_

_I will always love you_

Blaine began picking gently as Julian strummed the base chords along with him. He looked up for the first time to see Logan's reaction and he thought he might not be able to finish the song. Even from this distance, Julian saw the tears in his eyes. Logan's face broke into a smile when Julian looked at him. But the happiness faded into something a little sadder as Julian looked on. Julian looked away quickly. He didn't want to see the pity that he was sure would come next.

When he began singing again, he was sure that everyone in the room could hear him pouring his heart. But it would be worth it, so long as Logan heard it too. He didn't know how to let Logan fix things, but he did know that music would get this message across.

_However far away I will always love you_

_However long I stay I will always love you_

_Whatever words I say I will always love you_

His voice rose with each word, hitting each note with ease. He didn't know why he did it but he looked up on those last words to and his eyes locked onto Logan's immediately.

_I will always love you_

Julian couldn't look away. He was strumming mindlessly as Blaine played the last few notes, letting the song fade. Logan looked back at Julian all the while. He didn't think he'd ever be able to describe the feeling he had while he was listening to Julian sing. There was that wild joy, of course, at Julian having said that he loved him. But layered on top was a terrible sadness because he knew there were just some things he didn't know how to fix yet.

When Blaine finished plucking at his guitar, there was a beat as the room sat in stunned silence before someone started clapping and one by one the room joined in. Julian finally managed to tear his eyes away from Logan as he smiled at the room while the noise grew rapidly. The applause didn't stop growing as everyone came out of their dazes. They had _never_heard a performance like that in the Warblers Hall. There was something simple and effortless about the way that Julian sang that made his performance truly remarkable.

It took Logan a moment to remember that he was supposed to clap too. He blinked away a few tears and began applauding with the rest of the room. Julian made his way to the back of the room again as he was followed by whoops from the other boys to where Logan was sitting.

Although Logan stared at him the entire time Julian didn't look at him once. His face was just slightly pink and he sat next to him without a word, his hands were fists resting on his knees. Logan wanted to smile, but that didn't feel right. He didn't think there was a way of expressing all the things he was feeling right now.

Logan took Julian's silence as his cue to not comment either. Instead he slid his hand over Julian's fist. At first Julian didn't move, but when he relaxed at his touch Logan lifted his hand to his lips and pressed his lips against the back of it. Julian's eyes drifted shut at the contact and let Logan lace their fingers together and drop them between them.

Julian still didn't look at Logan but he squeezed Logan's hand in return. That small gesture affected him too much. He swallowed back that lump in his throat because he just couldn't cry anymore... he'd done far too much of that already. But he couldn't help it, he had never seen Logan do anything so _tender, _especially when it came to Julian where he felt like everything was heat and passion.

Julian glanced up, people were starting to quiet down after the stunning performance. He caught Kurt's eye who gave him an incredibly smug grin, like he'd known this would happen all along. It didn't annoy Julian as much as it should, even when Kurt leaned in to Blaine who had made it back to his chair, clearly recounting what he had witnessed.

Harvey was the last person to stop applauding as he stood in front of the group looking back at Julian.

"That was..." Mr. Harvey hesitated, trying to find the right word, "incredible. Really Julian, I'm glad we finally managed to rope you into this."

"He volunteered this time, if I recall," Medel reminded him from where she was sitting a little aside.

"That's true," Mr. Harvey smiled. "But we still have quite a few solos to get through... Blaine since you're up, would you like to go next?"

Blaine glanced back at the two boys in the back, and then back at Harvey, "Actually Mr. Harvey... I think I'm going to focus on the solo if that's alright with you."

The Warblers all looked up in surprise.

"Really, Blaine?" Ms. Medel said, "Kurt, are you okay with this? I was sure you two would be fighting for the duet?"

Kurt looked up from where he was sitting. "Oh no Ms. Medel... in fact I'm feeling a little ill," he said giving a pathetically fake cough. The Warblers were starting to catch on and they started chuckling. Kurt continued in his business-like tone, "I couldn't sing right now if I wanted to. I'm sure I'll be better by tomorrow."

"Uhm..." Ms. Medel said, at a loss for words. Kurt had never bypassed a chance to have the spotlight once in her short acquaintance with the boy. "Alright..."

Harvey looked suspicious, but not angry necessarily. "I guess, that just leaves Reed," he said looking at Reed who was sitting next to the twins.

"I surrender," Reed said throwing his hands up and the whole Warbler hall erupted in laughter.

Julian and Logan looked at the three of them with curious looks. Harvey rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Why am I not surprised... it's not like you've ever kept your personal lives out of warblers before, why should I expect you to now?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kurt said innocently.

"Wait a second," Logan said annoyed, making everyone look at him, "I want them to perform! I don't want to get it by default."

"And if Julian wins the vote and you don't?" Medel asked, her eyes glinting as she stood and looked back at Logan and Julian. Logan opened his mouth to speak, then closed it and crossed his arms. "That's what I thought... besides, I don't think you two would have lost that duel easily."

Harvey held the bridge of his nose, his eyes shut, "I'm not happy about this... but I can't deny that you two would make a very..." he waved his hand vaguely, looking for the best way to say this, "_striking_ pair for the finale."

"Right, then," Medel said, glowing with happiness, "Can I assume that you all are happy with Logan and Julian as our soloists for the final duet?"

There were general words of agreement and a few "Hell yes!"s from the Stuart section.

"Then there's really nothing else we have planned, we had set aside the time for solos but seeing as we've settled it I guess you're free to go," she said happily. "Julian, Logan, we can talk about song choices tomorrow and we'll work on the arrangements together."

The two boys nodded to her.

"Then, off you go boys," she said waving them away as the room became a flurry of movement as the boys rushed for the door, excited to have the rest of the afternoon off.

As the group of boys began to leave Julian made to stand-up, but Logan, who still had his hand, held him back. Julian stared at him questioningly but Logan just smiled sweetly.

Almost everyone who passed congratulated the two on their win or cuffed their shoulders with some words of encouragement.

Blaine and Kurt walked past, both of them beaming. "Did you two do this?" Logan asked annoyed, "It's no fun if we win by default."

"Oh please," Kurt said, "We wanted you to sing together and we would have kicked your butts-" but Blaine who was standing behind him was shaking his head at them "-so we had to make different arrangements."

Kurt walked out next to Reed and Blaine hung back for a moment.

"You guys would have won, hands-down," he said, "Honestly, probably the two greatest performances I've ever seen in this room."

To Blaine's immense surprise, Julian looked a little embarrassed. Logan smiled, "Thanks, Blaine."

He joined David and Wes as they passed and slowly the rest of the Warblers filtered out after them until it was only Julian, Logan, Harvey and Medel.

Medel noted the two boys lingering and tapped Harvey on the shoulder, "Lunch?" she said, her eyebrows raised trying to imply that it was time to go.

Harvey looked around the room and when he saw the two boys and he caught on quickly enough. "Yeah, sure," he said as he packed up their sheet music and followed Medel out.

Finally alone, Logan turned to Julian who was looking at their hands instead of at Logan.

"Julian," Logan said quietly and brown eyes met green. Logan lost his train of thought as those eyes caught him off guard. Julian looked so... nervous.

"That was so incredibly... beautiful," Logan said smiling. Julian smiled for a moment before standing, their hands falling apart as Julian walked away from him. Logan, confused and worried, stood and followed him, quickly catching up.

A few feet ahead of him, Logan managed to take a step in front of him stopping Julian from walking any further. Julian stopped abruptly, his hands on Logan's chest, like he was going to push him. But he didn't, instead he splayed his fingers across the fabric of his blazer. He would only look at his hands and refused to look up at Logan's questioning eyes.

Logan, completely thrown off by this reaction, reached up and took both of Julian's hands in his own, holding them where they were between them.

"What is it?" Logan asked quietly. Julian shook his head just barely, each breath coming too fast and too shallow. "Julian, look at me," Logan said. And Julian looked up at Logan's worried expression. "What's wrong?" he asked quietly

Julian didn't respond, instead he kissed Logan with a surprising amount of force. Logan was surprised and wanted to stop him but Julian pressed further, pushing Logan backwards until his back hit the piano. Logan tried to keep focus and remember that Julian was acting strangely, but it was hard to focus on anything when Julian's tongue was doing that. Logan gave in and dropped his Julian's hands to pull him closer by his waist while Julian's slid up his chest to hang around his neck.

Suddenly Julian pulled back. Logan's brows were furrowed as Julian pulled his arms away from Logan's neck and took a step backwards.

"What's going on, Jules?" Logan asked, brushing Julian's bangs away from his forehead.

Julian's eyes were wide, almost fearful. He stood there, staring at Logan, trying to make the words come out.

"I love you," Julian breathed.

Shocked for a moment, Logan only stared. And then the rush of joy that Logan felt at those words was indescribable. Logan's smile grew and he breathed the smallest laugh. He held out one of his hands. Julian took it without a word, clinging to it as Logan pulled him close again.

"Why does that scare you so much?" Logan asked gently.

Julian had to blink a few tears away at those words. "I don't know," he said, his voice cracking.

Logan kissed his forehead before pulling him into a hug. Julian wrapped his arms around his waist and let Logan envelop him. Julian was shaking just barely in his arms.

"I love you so much, Julian," Logan whispered into his hair. Julian took in a shaky breath and held on to the one thing he cared about more than anything else in the world.

Logan wanted to just be thrilled at having heard those words from Julian, but he was too distracted with worry. He didn't want Julian to be afraid of how he felt for him. He had spent too long being afraid. Logan never wanted him to hold back. He wanted every part of Julian, no restrictions. He didn't want to think there was anything Julian was keeping from him.

Julian pulled away and murmured, "I'm sorry."

Logan's eyebrows were still drawn together in worry, "Don't be."

Logan held his face in his hands, brushing his thumb across his cheek and staring into his eyes before leaning in terribly slowly to brush his lips against Julian's. Julian's eyes drifted shut and he relaxed as Logan pulled away.

"I wonder if I'll ever get used to how incredible it feels every time you do that," Julian murmured, his eyes still closed and Logan's face still only a breath away.

"I know I'll never get used to it," Logan said. Julian breathed a shaky laugh before wrapping his hands around Logan's neck and kissing him again. Logan's hands dropped to his waist and he deepened the kiss. Julian stepped forward and stood on his toes so that their bodies were brushing just barely.

Logan was the one to pull away this time. "You'll tell me if there's something wrong, won't you?" he asked, "I want to so badly to be able to help you."

Julian looked nervous, "There's nothing wrong..."

Logan eyed him, one eyebrow cocked. Julian laughed and relaxed a little. "You have no idea how much you're helping already."

* * *

><p>It was surprisingly easy for Julian and Logan to fall into a relationship. They lived down the hall from one another and they had a few classes together so they saw each other enough. Plus having Warbler practices together was an added bonus, something that Logan thought he enjoyed more than Julian did. Sure, Julian was happy enough when they were rehearsing their duet (which was turning out rather spectacular to the pleasure of Harvey and Medel) but when Julian was forced to hum and sway he was not the happiest of campers.<p>

"You know I'm never doing this for you again," Julian said after one rehearsal a week or so after he had come back to Dalton.

"Oh," Logan said in mock surprise, "You're doing this for me? What a sweetie-pie you are." Julian shoved him as they walked back to Stuart. "I already know that you've agreed to do Nationals if we make it, so don't try to pull that on me, Jules," Logan said as they made their way back to Stuart house together.

"Can't get anything past you, Lo!" Julian said sarcastically reaching out to pinch Logan's cheek.

Logan swatted his hand away and Julian laughed grabbing Logan's hand and slinging it around his own shoulders.

Derek saw the interaction from the window of the common room and smiled to himself. He had been unsure how things would fall now that the two were finally dating. He was extremely happy when they managed their first fight well enough which happened only a few hours later. Derek had had no idea what would happen when they inevitably would find something to argue over.

It had been something stupid. Logan had had an argument with a teacher over a point in history class and Julian had spoken up and agreed with the teacher. His argument was actually more effective than the teachers and Logan sat quietly in huffy silence for the rest of class.

Derek had been in the class too so he was expecting something when he came back. The voices rising from the kitchen didn't surprise him at all as he stepped into Stuart.

"It was embarrassing!"

"It was _fine, _no one cares except for you!" Julian replied.

"Derek!" Logan called as Derek tried to sneak past them unnoticed, "Was that, or was that not, humiliating?"

"Not involved," Derek said throwing his hands in the air as he passed them.

He stepped into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee as the fight continued in the hall behind him. Frankly, the argument was stupid, but that had never stopped the two of them from screaming at each other before.

* * *

><p>A hell of a lot of shouting and ten minutes later they were in Logan's room. Julian tried to remember if fighting with Logan used to make him feel like this.<p>

"That was fun," Julian murmured. For once, he had Logan against a wall as he pressed their bodies together, "Like the good old days."

Logan smirked and slung his hands casually behind his neck as Julian leaned in terribly slowly for a kiss. He only just brushed their lips together. Logan shivered and opened his eyes to see Julian only inches away. He kept his eyes open from then on because he didn't want to miss a moment of seeing the way Julian's eyes were smoldering as he began undoing his tie. He did it excruciatingly slowly, his eyes never leaving Logan's, loosening it, bit by bit, pulling the tie from side to side as he held their lips so close without actually kissing him.

Logan leaned in to kiss him but Julian pulled back just barely. Logan understood and held still as Julian leaned into him and let their lips brush over each other. It was open and slow and that combined with Julian slowly untucking his shirt might have been the sexiest moment of Logan's life so far. Julian nibbled Logan's lower lip just barely before sucking on it gently, still with his eyes on Logan's, while his fingers brushed the bare skin above Logan's hips now exposed.

Logan whined as he felt Julian's fingers slide from his hips to meet in the middle where his fingers gently brushed across the line of hair that led south. Julian began running his fingers over the curves and lines of his abs, unbuttoning Logan's shirt as he went.

Julian pulled away with a dangerous smirk. Logan, about to complain, shut his mouth when Julian sat back on his heels, contemplating the skin he had exposed. Logan's shirt was completely undone, hanging at his sides showing a sliver of tan skin, chest hair and cut abs. Julian's splayed his hands flat across his abs and Logan took a sharp intake of breath. Julian ran his hands along Logan's stomach, pulling the shirt with him, until they were holding his hips. Julian leaned in slowly and brushed his lips over Logan's hip, then his tongue ran a trail across his stomach, only a few inches above Logan's trousers, to his other hip where he placed another sweet kiss.

Logan braced himself against the wall as a thousand thoughts began swirling through his head. Julian was _very_close to some _very_sensitive areas and he didn't seem to have any qualms about using his mouth.

Julian ran his teeth lightly across his hip now, relishing in the tiny noise Logan made in response to it. Then he dipped his tongue into Logan's belly button and Logan had to moan.

"Julian..." Logan managed to say, his voice husky already.

Julian stood, a glint in his eyes. He took a hold of Logan's tie and tugged him down, but paused only a breath away from his lips.

"Yes, Lo?" Julian said, his lips brushing against Logan's with every word.

Logan gave up on restraint and crushed his lips against Julian's. Without much effort he managed to turn them around so that Julian's back was against the wall and their bodies were flush against each other.

Julian smirked and didn't protest as Logan practically ripped Julian's shirt open in his haste to get it off. With Julian's shirt finally open, he pressed against him again, kissing him hard as he gripped Julian's bare hips. Julian's bare skin against his was fueling him more than anything.

Logan bit on Julian's lip and he inadvertently bucked his hips against Logan's. Logan pushed Julian's hips against the wall hard enough that Julian couldn't move. Julian's eyebrows furrowed for a moment wondering if he had done something wrong before Logan pressed his own hips against Julian.

Julian gasped as he let _that_ feeling sink in. Logan took it as his opportunity to kiss him hard while he began moving his hips against Julian's, gently at first, then harder as the kiss grew more fervent.

Julian gave up on the kiss and wrapping his arms around Logan's shoulders, resting his head on Logan's shoulder as he was pressed further into the wall.

And then, without warning, Logan pulled away. He ran his hands through his hair and left them there staring at Julian's exposed chest.

"Sorry..." he panted, still staring at Julian's body instead of his face.

"You keep doing that!" Julian said irritated as Logan took another step back.

"Doing what?" Logan asked, letting his hands drop.

"You're always the one pushing things forward and you receive zero complaints, yet you always stop yourself. You can't just dry hump me for 10 minutes and then leave it at that!" Julian snapped.

Logan blushed crimson at Julian's blunt language, "Well... I don't want to do anything you don't wan-"

"How many times have we been through this?" Julian asked, taking a step towards Logan.

Logan just shrugged his shoulders. Julian had specified on more than one occasion that he was ready for anything.

"Are you not ready? Is that the problem?" Julian asked, his voice less harsh now as the possibility had only just occurred to him.

"No!" Logan said hurriedly, "I'm ready for everything... well maybe not _everything..._not tonight anyways."

"Then there are no problems?" Julian asked, his eyebrow cocked as he took another step forward and got a good grasp on Logan's belt buckle.

"No problems," Logan breathed, very much aware of where Julian's hand was.

Julian tugged him forward by said belt-buckle and Logan staggered forward a step, "Good... now take off your pants."

Logan obeyed rather hastily.

* * *

><p>Sweaty, tired, and tangled in each other, they lay in Logan's bed. Logan was still breathing heavily and holding onto Julian who was lying exactly where he had settled after crawling back up Logan's body.<p>

"I think you might just be perfect," Logan said gently, his breathing and heartrate settling back down to a normal pace. Logan was tracing patterns across Julian's back who was lying half on Logan's chest with his head resting on his shoulder.

Julian smiled, "I'm going to make sure you remember saying that when you're not post-coital."

Logan laughed to himself and pressed a kiss to Julian's hair.

"Hey Logan?" Julian asked.

"Mm?" Logan asked lazily, Julian was tired too.

"About _everything_..." Julian said, putting special emphasis on the word.

"Everything being..." Logan began.

"Everything."

"What about it?" Logan asked eyeing Julian.

"I think we should just do it... when it's right," Julian said, "Whenever it comes naturally. I don't want it to be some planned out thing."

Logan nodded, "Okay... I like that."

"Good..." Julian said before pressing a kiss against his bare shoulder and pulling himself closer to Logan.

* * *

><p>Unfortunately, not all of their fights were as harmless. A week away from regionals and halfway through their time together before Julian had to leave, a more serious issue came up.<p>

"Why won't you just go on a date with me?" Logan asked, storming into Julian's room ahead of the other boy.

"You know I hate being recognized! I just don't think it would be particularly romantic with a 14-year old girl interrupting every twenty minutes," Julian shot back dropping himself onto his bed.

"You don't want to be recognized in public? Or you don't want to be recognized in public with your boyfriend?" Logan asked, standing in front of the bed with his hands on his hips.

Julian scoffed, "I'm not even going to answer that."

"You probably should think about answering it, Julian," Logan snapped, "Because I'd really like to know when you plan on coming out."

Julian sat shocked. He had talked to Carmen about that very issue the night before last but he hadn't told Logan his decision yet.

He braced himself for the response to the words he knew he had to say. A few memories of Logan's rage came to mind but he shoved them aside before he lost his courage.

"I'm going to wait until after the movie finishes filming..." he said hesitantly.

Logan dropped his hands by his side, and didn't speak for a moment. Julian wouldn't look at Logan's face, instead he focused on his shaking hands which didn't do much to ease his conscience or quell that nagging fear.

"You decided that?" Logan asked, his voice quiet and the emotions behind it unrecognizable.

"Yeah," Julian said, "The night before last."

"When were you going to tell me this?" Logan asked, his voice quiet.

Julian shrugged, too guilty to look at the pain in his face, "I was going to..." He wanted to sound defensive, but he just sounded pathetic.

"That could be months," Logan said. He didn't sound angry, he just sounded terribly sad.

"I know..." Julian said, his voice quiet.

Logan didn't know what to do with himself. He knew he probably looked dumb standing there in the middle of the room but he didn't want to leave and he didn't want to stay. Forcing himself to do something he turned his back as if he would head for the door but he couldn't stop himself. He turned back around.

"Are you ashamed of me?" Logan asked, his voice soft.

To Julian's horror he wasn't saying in an antagonistic way, he meant it. He actually thought that after all that wanting, Julian could be ashamed of the one thing he'd always dreamt of having.

"No! God, no," Julian tried to assure him, "It would just create so much trouble for me during the shoot. There would be paparazzi everyday and it would bother the whole crew, not just me." The argument felt weak even as it was coming out of his mouth.

Logan nodded and he began to walk out not stopping this time, "I understand... it's fine."

"Logan, wait!" Julian called after him but Logan didn't slow down. Julian walked to the door, he stepped outside just as he saw Logan's door close behind him.

With a sigh of defeat Julian turned back into his room and lay back on his bed. He stared up at the ceiling, wondering at how he managed to fuck everything in his life up.

* * *

><p>That night, Julian was already asleep when he was awoken by two arms being wrapped around his waist. He leaned into the touch subconsciously before he was fully awake.<p>

"I'm sorry to wake you," Logan whispered, only inches away.

"S'fine," Julian said, nuzzling his face into Logan's chest without opening his eyes. Logan watched him do it and it looked like he was fully intending on going back to sleep.

"I'm sorry," Logan whispered before Julian could drift off.

Julian opened his eyes to Logan's chest, so he peaked up at Logan in the dark. Once his eyes adjusted to the dark he noticed that Logan had bags under his eyes. Julian didn't know what time it was but he was willing to bet Logan hadn't slept.

"No," Julian mumbled, "I'm sorry."

"No," Logan said firmly, "I know that it's already so hard to deal with that sort of thing without this added stress," he was whispering but he sounded wide awake, "And I know how important this movie is to you."

"It is important to me," Julian said slowly, letting himself start to slip back into sleep, "But you're more important."

"Really?" Logan asked with a smile.

"Mhm," Julian said letting his eyes drift shut for a moment, "You shouldn't have to..."

His voice trailed off as his eyes drifted shut. Logan wanted to let him sleep but his curiosity got the better of him. "Shouldn't have to what, Julian?" Logan prompted, putting his hand on Julian's face as his eyes opened again.

"Shouldn't have to deal with this... me..." Julian was mumbling, "I come with too many... you don't deserve it... no one does..." he was barely keeping his eyes open as he murmured half-asleep, "I'm not worth it..." Julian's eyes fell closed again as he spoke the last words.

Logan's eyebrows were furrowed. "Jules," Julian didn't open his eyes. "Jules," he said more forcefully this time and he got a response this time as Julian opened his eyes again. "You don't really believe that do you?" Logan asked, his voice serious.

"Believe what?" Julian asked squinting up at Logan.

Logan shook his head, "I'm sorry I woke you, go back to sleep Jules." Logan made to leave but Julian reached a hand out to pull Logan closer by the waist, "No... stay here... you're warm and I like you..." Julian murmured, mostly asleep now.

Logan couldn't help but smile like an idiot at how adorable Julian could be, and that might have been the sweetest thing anyone had ever said. He let himself gaze at Julian's sleeping form but he couldn't keep his earlier words away from his thoughts for long. He felt like he went a little deeper into Julian each day. He didn't know if there was an end to the layers, but he knew that he was going to do whatever he could to make Julian understand that he was worth something... that he meant more to Logan than he could possibly comprehend.

* * *

><p>an: My dears! One chapter left! I'm pretty sad to be finishing this because I really loved writing this fanfiction... but all that's left is Regionals and then bye bye to baby Jules :( Our poor boys...

~Liz


	8. Chapter 8

_a/n: I cannot describe how sorry I am about this ridiculously long wait. I'll just say I had a tough semester and I struggled with the chapter a lot. I'm terribly sorry about that!_

**_SHAMELESS SELF ADVERTISEMENT: _**_if you watch Merlin and want an angsty hurt/comfort fic, I'm in the middle of writing one which has 2 chapters up :)_

_I'll save the sappy end-of-story a/n for the end but **PLEASE NOTE! **There will be some sexual situations that are a lot more explicit then they have been in the past. Not M-rated worthy scenes but more explicit then they have been so be warned!_

_**Also note**, changes in lyrics that make the song fit better (very minor ones, don't stress)_

* * *

><p><em>Track 05<em>

_Set Fire To The Rain_

* * *

><p>The sun streaming in Logan's window had woken him up over an hour ago. It was far too early to be up for any occasion, nonetheless a Friday with no classes. Being a Warbler, he was excused from all responsibilities on the day of serious competitions.<p>

Julian, who had a hand slung over his waist but was much too far away for Logan's taste, hadn't stirred yet. Logan would never understand how Julian managed to sleep like that.

Logan reached a hand out and brushed his thumb across Julian's cheek. He brushed his eyelashes and made a trail down the bridge of his nose before running his fingers lightly over Julian's mouth. Julian sighed in his sleep and nuzzled his head into the pillow, but didn't wake. Logan let his hand drop on the pillow near his face.

Logan looked out the window at the quickly brightening sky. He had watched it turn from a deep blue, to a dusky grey, to a pale pink, then bright orange and now it was fading back into the bright blue of a beautiful morning.

Julian would be on his way to the airport before the sun rose again.

The thought made Logan squeeze his eyes shut in a little panic. He'd always known that Julian would be leaving. He had known the exact date for weeks, but it didn't make it any easier now that the day had almost arrived. These last two weeks with Julian had been something incredible. Logan had never known that someone could feel so right until his relationship with Julian. They rarely slept alone and they spent most of their free time together. Logan had spent every waking moment with the boy for the past few weeks and he was going to have to learn to live without him again.

_You've done it before_, he thought wryly to himself. After all, it wasn't the first time he had had to watch Julian leave for a project. But this time was different... Logan knew this was important to Julian. He knew that he was coming back for him. He knew that Julian was his...

Somewhere in his thoughts, Logan had failed to notice Julian wake up.

"Good morning," Julian murmured, smiling at Logan.

"Hey," Logan said gently. He reached out to brush Julian's hair off of his forehead.

Julian's sleepy smile grew, "Why are you awake? We don't have classes today."

"Yeah, I know..." Logan said.

Julian's smile faded as he watched Logan. "Are you nervous?" he asked curiously.

"Not really," Logan said honestly.

Julian's eyebrows furrowed a little as he looked at Logan. "Are you sad?" he asked, quieter this time.

Logan smiled sadly at him, "Aren't you?"

Julian smiled at him then and leaned in to kiss his nose, "More than I could ever describe."

And Julian rolled on his other side, fully intending to go back to sleep. Logan decided he might as well do something with himself instead of wallowing in bed. He carefully climbed over Julian who grumbled as he did it and began getting dressed.

"Don't do that," Julian whined, "You are decidedly more attractive without clothes on."

Logan smiled cheekily at him as he pulled his shirt on. "Go back to sleep princess," Logan said before dropping a kiss on Julian's lips.

"Don't call me that..." Julian said half-heartedly. Julian didn't really mind the tease if truth be told.

* * *

><p>Before anyone was really prepared, they were on the bus and on their way to competition. Julian, Logan and Blaine all sat in the front because of their positions as soloists so Julian and Logan got to sit together.<p>

They wanted to make the most of their last day together, but it was hard. It had been an incredibly busy day. They had slept in a bit but were soon faced with Warbler rehearsals, schedule-run throughs and warm-ups. They couldn't believe the day had already gone by and they were already on their way to the competition.

On top of the busy day, every time they had gotten a chance to talk, it felt so strange. It was like nothing they could say would be important enough, so they settled on nothing. Sitting quietly in the bus, they held hands without speaking. They might not have been talking, but they were certain that the other was thinking of how they would be separated tomorrow.

The rest of the Warblers seemed to sense something and had left them alone for the majority of the day. But even so, the two of them spent most of the day in sad silence. Even off the bus and into the rehearsal room, there wasn't much they could say without it turning very serious, very quickly.

They all settled in on the chairs and couches in the room. Harvey made his way to the front and faced them all. Without any prompting, the chatter died down and the room sat in tense silence.

"We've been working really hard for this... I honestly believe that you can win this if you perform the way I know that you can," the room sat in silence, listening to Harvey speak with Medel at his side.

Blaine was sitting on a table at the back of the empty room they were given as a warmup area and Kurt had an arm around his waist. Blaine had landed the first solo in the end and Kurt, despite his obvious disappointment, was trying to calm his nerves. The Twins were uncharacteristically quiet, sitting together with Wes, David and Reed by their side.

"You've worked harder than I've ever seen for this and it all comes down to this performance. I have faith in every single one of you," he said. They all sat there, smiling nervously up at their leader. They went on in twenty minutes.

Logan saw Julian slip out of the backdoor as Harvey finished his speech. As the rest of the room began talking amongst themselves Logan took the opportunity to follow him.

He saw Julian turn a corner up ahead and his pace quickened. His dress shoes were clicking on the hard plaster floors as he tried to catch up to Julian.

Rounding the same corner he saw Julian sitting at the end of the hall in a lone plastic chair in the corner. The hall was dark as the lights weren't on in this hall and Julian's face was only lit by the fading daylight streaming in from the windows of the classrooms on either side.

Logan slowed his pace as he saw Julian waiting for him. He was sitting with his arms hanging between his legs, his elbows on his knees. He had a strange smile as Logan approached.

"Hey," Logan said gently when he came to a stop in front of Julian.

Julian didn't raise his eyes, instead he settled on staring at the buttons on Logan's blazer.

"Hey," Julian said back.

Logan waited, even though he knew he wasn't going to get anything else. Julian didn't move as Logan considered what he was supposed to do.

He raised a hand and brushed Julian's bangs to the side, running his fingers through the hair above his ear. Julian's eyes drifted closed and he leaned into the touch, so Logan left it there. Julian let out a shaky breath and rested his head into Logan's hand, leaving his eyes closed.

"You okay?" Logan asked.

Julian nodded just barely, breathing heavily through his nose.

"I thought it would get better..." Julian said, "It's just gotten so much worse."

Logan brushed his thumb across his temple and stared.

"What's gotten worse?" he asked quietly, wondering if they were finally going to talk about some of the things he suspected were going on right under the surface.

Julian opened his eyes and looked up at Logan's face. The worry was etched into each of Logan's features and it made his heart ache.

"Loving you," he said simply.

There was a beat of tense silence before Logan pulled his hand away. Julian watched as his face turned from concern to hurt.

"That's not what I..." Julian let out a heavy sigh, "Come here."

He took Logan's hand and pulled him gently so that Logan had to take a step forward until he was standing right in front of him. Logan's hands were tense in his hand but he squeezed them gently anyways.

"I thought that when we started dating," he said hesitantly, "That I'd be able to control it. I thought that it was just because of our... situation... that my feelings were so-" he hesitated, "-strong... I've never felt anything like it before."

Logan's hands curled around his own and he laced their fingers together.

"It was completely out of my control," he said, "There was literally nothing I could do to push them away. It was completely out of my control and I hated it... I hated not being able to feel what I wanted to. I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, stop loving you."

Logan's hands tightened a fraction.

"And now... I couldn't have ever imagined that I could love you more," he said, "And now, more than ever before, my feelings are just... completely out of control."

Logan laughed and sat on his heels so he could look up at Julian. He tugged on Julian's hands so he leaned forward close enough that they could kiss.

"Welcome to my world, Julian," he said, his lips brushing against Julian's as he spoke. And he leaned in that fraction to press their lips together, just once, before he pulled away and looked happily into Julian's eyes.

"It scares me," Julian said, his sincerity real.

"I know," Logan said.

"It terrifies me how important you are to me," Julian said.

Logan's eyes were smiling when he replied, "You shouldn't be scared."

"Why not?"

"Because..." Logan said, leaning in to kiss his cheek, "You are the love of my life."

Julian stared.

"So that means," he paused to kiss his other cheek, "I'm never going to give up on you. I'm going to love you more than I've ever felt... any other feeling... for the rest of my life."

Julian began to relax as Logan kissed his forehead. He took his time kissing one ear, then the other.

Julian's eyes had closed when he felt Logan's lips on his own again. Logan pulled away and smiled when Julian leaned forward, trying to hold his lips.

"Do you want to come sing a song with me then?" Logan asked smiling when Julian opened his eyes.

Julian smirked, "I guess I could do that."

They walked back to their choir room, hands held.

* * *

><p>The applause for Blaine's solo was kind of incredible. He had nailed a very Daltonesque version of Domino by Jessie J and the crowd had eaten it up. The notes that Blaine had hit in that song were pretty unreal.<p>

Logan felt a tiny, and familiar twinge of jealousy, but it was their moment now. Julian was standing directly in front of Logan, not being tall enough to make the backrow. Logan placed a hand on his waist where he knew none of the cameras could catch him and said loud enough to be heard over the applause, "See you in a minute."

Julian turned his head a fraction and smiled, the entire exchange going unnoticed by everyone. Logan quickly jumped off the back of the stage and walked off stage for his entrance.

Julian felt his heart rate pick up as he heard the boys around him begin to sing. The boys shifted to make a direct line down the risers, with Julian standing at the top of it.

Even from offstage, Logan felt blinded by the flashes of cameras that began a frenzy the moment Julian came into clear view. Despite their efforts to keep his participation in the choir a secret, it had gotten out somehow and the aisles were now lined with men on their knees adjusting their lenses. Logan wondered how Julian handled it.

Julian would admit it... even for a celebrity, this was a little scary.

But the choir's humming grew on either side of him and it wasn't like he had a choice in the matter anymore. He relaxed his features and swallowed once.

_I let it fall, _

The lyrics were coming before he made the conscious decision to sing.

_my heart,_

He let his voice rise with the lyrics, but he could barely hear it over his own heartbeat.

_And as it fell you rose to claim it_

He let Logan's face drift into his mind and he felt himself relax marginally.

_It was dark and I was over_

_Until you kissed my lips and you saved me_

And he could feel them, Logan's lips, the first time they had crushed their mouths together.

_My hands, they're strong_

_But my knees were far too weak_

His knees felt weak now with each step he took down the risers, even just remembering the emotions that they had poured into that moment.

_To stand in your arms_

_Without falling to your feet_

Julian smiled inwardly as he felt an immense comfort when he saw Logan shift in the corner of his vision as he took the final step onto the stage.

And Logan sang... and it was all Julian needed

_But there's a side to you_

_That I never knew, never knew._

_I'm sorry,_ Julian thought. He watched as Logan stared straight at him and walked slowly on stage and towards Julian. Julian took the steps backwards, everything choreographed but feeling like it was the first time they had done this... the first time they had sang together and moved together.

_All the things you'd say_

_They were never true, never true,_

_So sorry. _

Julian retreated from Logan, dragging the microphone with him so that he was standing off center.

_And the games you play_

_You would always win, always win._

Julian let Logan's voice wash over him as he smoothly added in his own harmony at the end of each line.

_But I set fire to the rain,_

_Watched it pour as I touched your face,_

He knew that the warblers would be singing too, their voices swelling together, but he could barely hear them and their perfect harmony. He just watched as Logan's voice rose and fell while his eyes blazed into his own.

_Well, it burned while I cried_

_'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, _

_your name,_

Julian felt the happy smile come to his face as the next words fell from his lips.

_When I lay with you_

_I could stay there_

_Close my eyes_

He took a step towards Logan, pulling his microphone out of the stand so he could move freely and moved closer to Logan.

_Feel you here forever_

_You and me together_

_Nothing is better_

Logan's smile at these lyrics was so genuine, it was as if he hadn't been practicing the song with Julian every day for two weeks. But Julian understood, he had never felt the emotions they shared in this song so strongly before tonight.

Logan didn't take his eyes off Julian as he mirrored his motions and stepped towards him. He brought the microphone to his lips and began singing again.

_'Cause there's a side to you_

_That I never knew, never knew,_

Julian layered his voice over Logan's and he thought every person in the room must be able to hear how much they loved each other. He would be worried about it if he could force himself to see or hear anything other than Logan.

_All the things you'd say,_

_They were never true, never true,_

Logan took another step towards him and Julian felt his heart rate pick up.

_And the games you play_

_You would always win, always win._

Their voices rose louder this time, pouring their hearts into their voices, their eyes never leaving the others.

_But I set fire to the rain,_

_Watched it pour as I touched your face,_

Logan's hand reached out and Julian felt the urge to run to him.

_Well, it burned while I cry_

_'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, _

_your name,_

Julian took the final step until they were standing right in front of each other, trading off lines now as the song grew.

_I set fire to the rain_

_And I threw us into the flames_

_Where I felt something rise_

_'Cause I knew that that was the first time, _

Logan stared at Julian then.

_the first time,_

Julian repeated, quieter than he had meant to. Happy that he didn't have the next line, he watched as Logan's face change and he stepped backwards away from Julian.

_Sometimes I wake up by the door,_

_That heart you caught must be waiting for you_

Julian closed his eyes and was forced to remember why Logan always stumbled over these lines and had once ended rehearsal in a fury. After that Julian had tried to insist that they keep to the original lyrics, but Logan insisted.

_Even now when it's already over_

_God please let it be over, _he thought.

Because they had asked permission to change the lyrics from the original. Logan had been the one to make the subtle changes, but Julian heard his meaning behind them every time they sang it. He would have berated him for making things about Adam again, but the heartbreak in his voice every time he sang it was so real that Harvey told them they should keep it the way it was.

_I can't help myself from looking for you._

_Don't ever stop,_ Julian thought as a familiar wave of fear came over him. The kind of fear that only Logan's presence could chase away.

The way Logan was looking at him, Julian knew they both were thinking of the same thing.

The room fell in silence for just half a second. The Warblers took a breath together, and the audience sat in silence watching the unbelievably raw performance.

It was just a breath, just a second, but that moment seemed to last half a lifetime as Logan and Julian stared at each other.

Logan's face was so terribly sad as he looked, but Julian knew that there was that unspoken promise there, the promise that Logan would never leave him... that Julian would never have to be alone again and that he'd protect him from everything and everyone.

The moment ended when their voices rose in unison out of the silence and the voices of the Warblers swelled beneath them.

_I set fire to the rain,_

_Watched it pour as I touched your face,_

And Logan did touch his face, familiar but still so thrilling. Julian sang through the burn in his throat and subconsciously leaned into Logan's touch.

_Well, it burned while I cry_

_'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, _

_your name_

The circled each other and traded places and began to slowly separate again.

_I set fire to the rain,_

_And I threw us into the flames_

Logan's voice was strained with the effort of singing through his emotion but it sounded so perfect.

_Where I felt something rise_

_'Cause I knew that there was the first time, _

_the first time,_

They were supposed to put their microphones back in their stands and sing to the audience here... they forgot. Instead they came back together as their voices built further then they had the entire song and the song began winding down.

_Let it burn_

Logan's voice rose, higher and higher and his eyes squeezed shut as he nailed that note.

_Let it burn_

Julian's voice joined him in the same lyrics and Logan looked happily at him, feeling so close to him even though there was so much distance between them

_Let it burn_

Logan sang that last lyric, Julian added the fifth quietly and listened to the Warblers fall silent as his and Logan's voices lingered in the air, joined together in more ways they could possibly wrap their minds and hearts around.

The didn't hear the thundering applause as they stared at each other, chests rising fast as the cameras went wild.

* * *

><p>They didn't win.<p>

There were some side comments about love-songs sung between two boys but the vast majority of the club held by their choice to give Logan and Julian the solo they had because, quite frankly, it had left them all speechless. They had heard the two of them sing that song dozens of time, with and without their back-up, but it had never quite sounded like that.

Mr. Schuester, the unfamiliar choir director of New Directions (the winning club) had come up to them both after the show and told them that they had done an unbelievable job. Harvey and Medel spoke to them individually, expressing just how fantastic they had done. Harvey let it slip that Medel had cried... quite a lot if his account could be trusted.

There was a sort of universal and defiant pride on the bus-ride home and Blaine danced down the aisle, belting, when Teenage Dream came on the radio. This got the choir going and the driver eventually turned the radio off as there was enough singing without it. The twins had passed out a box of firecrackers, hidden god-knows-where, so the car ride was filled with music and laughter. Harvey and Medel were trying desperately to calm the group down but they weren't having it.

There was a feel-sorry-for-ourselves-party held in each of the respective houses that somehow managed to congregate in Stuart house around ten that night.

Logan and Julian hadn't been alone since they had been on stage together and they had been desperately trying to be alone. Unfortunately for them, the Warblers were not leaving them alone like they had much of that day. Instead, they were constantly pulling them aside to gush about how unbelievable they were or offering them refreshments left and right or grilling Julian about his new movie.

Julian had been talking to Kurt when he felt a hand slide along the base of his back to rest on his hip. He looked up to see Logan who kept an easy face for Kurt, but Julian could see everything behind those eyes.

"You should probably finish packing, right Jules?" Logan asked, his fingers digging into Julian's hip. The slight pain went straight to his crotch and he suddenly found himself even more eager to be alone with him.

"He's finished, he just told me," Kurt said smiling at Logan happily.

"I think I might have missed some stuff," Julian said and he watched as comprehension dawned on Kurt's cherub-like face. He gave them a mischievous grin which looked completely out of place on his terribly innocent face.

"Ah..." he said his smile growing, "Off with you then."

Julian laughed, "If I don't see you then..." he held out a hand and Kurt took it.

"You'll be back?" Kurt asked squeezing his hand.

"How could I stay away?" he said laughing.

Logan pulled him towards the door the moment their hands fell apart and Kurt laughed. Someone tried to stop Julian on the way out but Logan pulled him along without any explanation and they fought their way through the bodies to the door eventually.

Julian stopped Logan for a moment, his hand on the doorframe, and pulled himself back to look into the common room. He just looked at his classmates drinking and laughing together and felt Logan behind him. He wrapped his arms around him and rested his head against Julian's hair. He breathed him in.

"It's not goodbye," Logan assured him.

"I know," Julian said and he turned in his arms pulled their bodies _very close_, changing the mood of the moment _very quickly_.

Logan let out a moan of relief as he felt how much Julian wanted him right now and crushed their lips together. They skipped over closed mouth kisses and opened up for each other immediately, their mouths hot and tongues sliding in a familiar rhythm that was quickly threatening to break as they tasted deeper into the other. Logan walked backwards, pulling Julian with him who kicked the door to the common room shut.

They made it to the stairwell and they broke apart for long enough that they could stumble up the stairs without falling. Logan half-dragged Julian to his room a few doors away from the balcony.

They fell through the door, grasping for each other and Logan kicked the door closed behind them, neither of them noticing the slam and they crushed their lips together again.

Logan walked Julian backwards until the back of his thighs hit Logan's desk. Logan took no time in shoving him onto the desk. He stepped between his legs, bearing down on him.

"You're eager," Julian gasped when Logan let go of his lips and clasped his teeth on Julian's earlobe before sucking it between his lips gently.

"It's our last night..." he murmured, the air from his words ghosting over his neck and making him shiver in Logan's arms. He practically ripped Julian's blazer off and threw it on the floor.

"Mmm-oh!" Julian's murmured assent quickly deteriorated into a moan when Logan's teeth closed on his collar bone, teeth sharp, before he gently lapped at the mark, sucking and soothing the pain.

"I think my cock is going into panic mode," Logan said staring hungrily at Julian's lips as he spoke.

Julian laughed at that. "You are ridiculous," he said as he watched Logan stare hard at his chest, his pupils blown wide as he unbuttoned Julian's shirt. Even the feeling of Logan's fingers brushing against his newly exposed skin made him want to go mad with desire.

"No..." Logan said, staring at his skin, "You are ridiculous." Once it was hanging open Logan spread his hands across his practically photo-shopped abs.

Julian felt himself blush as his body tingled where Logan's eyes were raking over him, looking like he wanted nothing more than to devour him. Julian had never been self-conscious of his body. In fact he'd never really been conscious of his body except when a job called for it, but Logan seemed to be very very aware of it at all times.

Logan stared for a long time, realizing how unbelievably lucky he was to have this boy in his bed. Logan had once thought that he himself had a nice body. That was before he had the privilege of a naked Julian under him most nights. He might be athletic, but Julian was just complete and utter perfection. He slid his hands past his abs to grip his hips tightly and pulled Julian into a desperate kiss.

Slowly pushing Julian backwards, Logan reached behind him to shove whatever was on his desk off and clattering onto the floor. Julian felt the cold of the desk press into his back through his dress shirt in contrast to the heat of Logan's body as he stretched himself along his own body. He had pulled one of Julian's legs up to wrap around his waist and Julian found himself pulling their crotches together as Logan's lips began to put marks down his neck.

Logan groaned at the contact and slowed his motions as he stared, eyes blazing, at where their crotches met. He hooked one arm around Julian's shoulder and jerked his hips against Julian.

They moaned in unison and Julian wrapped another leg around his hips, pulling himself up to meet Logan's second thrust. The sensation went through his whole body, sending stars into his visions and chills down to his fingertips.

Logan tucked another arm under Julian and brought him back to a sitting position and let their lips melt together again, their hips rutting against each other slower now, gently. The kiss was slow but deep and about as arousing as their cocks rubbing against each other through a few layers of thin cotton. Julian loved the way Logan's moans sounded when he swallowed them and the way Logan would kiss his forehead every time Julian pulled away to gasp his name.

Logan broke their kiss and just cradled Julian in his arms, his hands reaching back under Julian's shirt. Their bodies were moving marginally below but Logan let his breathing slow down and his body calm down a little, not wanting to end anything too soon.

Julian felt his breath along his neck and his hands wrapped protectively around him, completely engulfing him in his embrace. Logan was tracing patterns with his fingertips along Julian's skin. Julian sighed contentedly and rested his cheek against Logan's shoulder as he felt Logan's heartbeat slow against his own too fast heartbeat.

"I love you so much," Logan whispered into his hair. He placed a sweet kiss there and pulled Julian even closer.

Julian closed his eyes and felt an overwhelming rush of love and affection that made his throat burn.

"I love you too," Julian said, embarrassed at the emotion in his voice, making the words sound strange.

Logan pulled away to look at him and saw the raw emotion on his face and the tears in his eyes. Logan's hand came to rest on his cheek and he smiled, the most sweet and loving smile. It made Julian's heart pick up and his breath catch. It was too beautiful... how could he have something so beautiful?

Logan leaned into press their lips together once before he let their foreheads press together. Their noses were brushing and their eyes were closed and they just breathed each other.

"Logan?" Julian said quietly, breaking the spell.

"Yes, Jules?" he asked, he didn't open his eyes yet.

"I want you... tonight," Julian said, trying to make his voice sound braver than he felt.

Logan's eyes snapped open and his fingers stopped on Julian's back. Julian pulled Logan a little closer with his legs, feeling just how much the idea affected Logan.

"Tonight?" Logan's voice cracked and his arms tightened around Julian.

"Tonight," Julian replied.

They just stared at each other for a moment before they fell into a kiss that was some glorious combination of desperate and tender as their bodies reawakened together.

Logan gripped Julian by the back of the thighs and carried him to his bed, still wrapped around his body, still connected where their bodies needed it most. He laid him back against the pillows, his body hovering over his, and began undressing him in earnest.

He pulled off Julian's undone dress shirt and let Julian fumble with his buttons for a few seconds before Logan got impatient and finished the job for him.

The moment his shirt was gone he gathered Julian up in his arms and sat up on his heels so that Julian was straddling his hips. He pressed their bare torsos together and began kissing down his neck and listened to Julian's whimpers as he marked his skin.

"I love you," Logan kept on repeating, murmuring it against his chest in between kisses and nips.

"You've mentioned that already," Julian said smirking down at the sight of his lover ravishing his chest and marking his path with his teeth and sweet kisses.

Logan glanced up once, meeting Julian's heated gaze. He smiled innocently at Julian before closing his mouth around one of Julian's nipples making him yelp.

* * *

><p>"We shouldn't have done that..." Logan murmured later that night.<p>

Julian tensed on top of him. He was sprawled on top of Logan's chest, his head resting on his shoulder and more than sweat sticking their bodies together. They had been like that for a very long time, breathing together and coming down from their haze.

"Why not?" Julian asked, his voice wary.

Logan smirked at the worry in his voice, "Because now I have to learn how to live without that for the next six months."

Julian laughed and Logan cherished the way he could feel it vibrating against his own chest. "Since when did two months become six months?" he asked, propping his chin up on Logan's chest so he could look at him.

"Two months, six months... my point is," he said, a hand coming to rest in Julian's hair, "is that I now know just how mind-blowing sex with you is and I'm going to have to live without it for a very, very long time."

"Was I really that good?" Julian asked cheekily, "I mean... it was my first time but I guess I'm a fast learner."

"It was not your first time," Logan countered.

"Well," Julian said, "It might as well have been. First time with a man... first time with you... first time it mattered..."

Logan smiled at him and ran his fingers across his scalp making Julian hum and lean into the touch.

"I'm looking forward to your second," Logan said, "You think we'll have time before your flight?"

Julian laughed out at that, "I might still be a little sore."

"Who says you won't be screwing me next time?" Logan asked, flashing him a devilish grin.

Julian's eyes flashed and his smile grew. "It hadn't really occurred to me," Julian said honestly, his voice a little huskier than it had been, "But I guess it could be arranged." Logan mirrored his smile and Julian turned his head back so that his cheek was resting against his chest.

They fell back into silence and Logan basked in the moment. He knew that when he woke up the next morning his heart would ache worse than he could possibly imagine, but for the moment, he felt like everything was perfect.

"For what it's worth," Julian said through the silence, "It was pretty amazing for me too."

"Really?" Logan asked, his voice a little small. It made Julian smirk that Logan was even slightly bashful about it. He had been so careful and loving and wonderful and Julian had thought his heart might burst with love for the boy before all coherent thoughts were driven from his mind when Logan made him fall apart.

"Really..." Julian assured him, unable to keep the smile off his face.

"I didn't hurt you?" he asked nervously, "I mean... I know I did... but not too much?"

Julian shook his head, breathing a quiet laugh. "No," he said. He wanted to look up at Logan but was afraid of how much emotion he would reveal with his eyes. "It was..." he paused, trying to find a word that would convey just how important it had been. He couldn't think of one, so he had to settle. "Perfect," he said finally.

Logan reached up and took one of Julian's hands which were resting on his shoulder and laced their fingers together.

They stayed like that. The alarms were set and they fell asleep together, the last time they would be able to do that for a long time to come.

* * *

><p>Only two alarms were set in Stuart house that morning and they. One had already gone off but Derek woke with a start at his own, set later than the others.<p>

4:00 AM read the clock in Derek's room as his fist collided with the alarm. It was silenced quickly enough but he couldn't go back to sleep, not yet anyways. He slowly got up and let it sink in that Julian was leaving today.

He stumbled out of his room in his pajamas and walked over to the balcony. Julian's case was already by the door and his bedroom door was open. Derek made his way down the hall and stood in the frame watching as Julian looked under the bed for things he had missed without noticing that Derek was watching.

He remembered how he had stood here so many weeks ago and watched Julian fall to pieces. He had to say, he was pretty impressed Logan had managed to put him back together.

He knocked twice on the open door and watched Julian jump.

"Derek!" Julian said, "I didn't think you'd wake up."

"You're the one who can't wake up to save his life," he said, "not me."

Julian smiled and sat on his bed.

Derek took a step into the room and looked around at the empty room. This sight was probably more familiar that Julian's room occupied, and yet it still bothered him.

"It's nice, you know," Derek said, smiling.

"What?" Julian asked.

"Knowing you're going to come back," Derek said.

Julian smiled at first and then it faded slowly. He opened his mouth for a moment, closed it again, then spoke, "I'm sorry, Derek."

"No, no I didn't want you to apologize... I just meant it," Derek said, "It's nice."

"No, I know you weren't trying to make me feel bad," Julian said, "But you've been in the middle of this forever and I've never stopped to think about you... or anyone other than myself really."

Derek sat heavily next to Julian and looked at him, "I don't blame you. I'm just really glad everything is the way it's supposed to be now."

"Getting there," Julian smiled. He looked up as Logan came into the room.

"Ready?" Logan asked. He was taking Julian to the airport with his driver.

"Yeah, I'll be downstairs in a second," Julian said.

Logan nodded and left the room.

"Take care of yourself for me, yeah?" Derek said, "I don't want to see you at any wild parties in a tabloid magazine."

"I don't think they'll be getting past that performance for a while," Julian said, referring to the photos of him and Logan singing to each other. The images had appeared on just about every magazine he could name and then some.

Derek smirked, "But still..."

"I will," Julian said, "Thanks for everything, Derek."

Derek nodded. They stood together and hugged tightly. Julian took in a shaky breath and cursed himself for getting so emotional about everything.

"I'll see you soon," he promised, pulling away.

"Definitely," Derek said.

"I'll call you both when I get in," he said as he was walking out the door.

"We'll have forgotten you by then," Derek said laughing. Julian laughed too and, despite himself, he went back for another quick hug and was gone before he could stop himself again.

Derek walked at an easy pace out of the room to the balcony and watched the two of them walk at the door. Julian looked around one last time and Logan placed a quick kiss on his cheek as comfort.

Julian spotted Derek leaning against the railing and nodded. Derek did the same, smiling sadly. And they were gone.

Derek let out a sigh. It was sad, but it wasn't goodbye. It was a comfort to know that there was something here that would keep Julian in their lives, even if it had taken three years to make the ignorant squid see sense.

He turned back to his room and fell back into his bed for another few hours of sleep.

* * *

><p>They walked through the automatic doors of the airport and got their business together in relative silence.<p>

Tickets printed, bags checked, terminal found... it was time to say goodbye.

Julian stood a ways away from security and turned to Logan who had his suitcase standing and had the most heartbreakingly sad smile on his lips.

"I hate this..." Julian muttered, looking away from Logan's terribly sad face.

"But," Logan said still smiling that sad smile, "We're in love."

Julian smiled, "So?"

"So that means we are going to beat all the odds and have our happy ending," Logan said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yeah, well," Julian said stubbornly, "It still sucks."

"Falling in love sucks..." Logan said shrugging.

"Oh, does it now?" Julian asked, smirking.

"Unless..." he said, and now he put a hand on Julian's neck, pressing their foreheads together.

"Unless?" Julian said, his eyes closed as he felt Logan wrap an arm around him.

"Unless someone catches you," Logan said before closing the distance between their lips.

Julian smiled into the kiss and let Logan lick into him, slowly and sweetly, wanting every feeling and every taste to last.

Julian pulled back, their foreheads still together, "You're so corny."

"You love me," Logan said with a laugh.

Julian's smile faded a little to something more serious, "I do... it was a pretty long fall though."

"If you had told me you had jumped, I would have always been waiting at the bottom," Logan said, smiling.

Julian shook his head and laughed a little to himself and hugged Logan. He buried his head in his neck and tried to keep himself from falling into that panicked despair. Logan's breath hitched and he pulled him closer and they stood like that for a long time.

"I'm so happy you're mine," Logan whispered into his hair after they had stood there for a several moments.

Julian's arms tightened around his shoulders and his throat began to burn. "Promise me something?" Julian asked, his voice thick.

"Anything," Logan said.

"Promise me you won't let me mess this up," Julian said.

Logan pulled away and looked at Julian, realizing he meant it. His eyebrows were knitted together as he tried to imagine how this boy thought he could possibly do anything to make Logan love him any less.

"Julian," Logan began, trying to imagine a way to make him understand how there wasn't any way that Logan was going to let Julian slip away from him. He took in a shaky breath before he whispered the next words, "I told you... for life. I'm yours for life."

Julian let out a shaky breath and Logan kissed him before he could say anything else, and this time it was more. It said everything that they couldn't say without breaking down and neither one of them wanted to end it. Julian's hair slipped into Logan's blonde hair and he never wanted to let go. He had lived without him for too long to let go.

Logan was the one to break it. He caught Julian's gaze and his eyes softened. Julian hadn't realized he had started crying. Logan's eyes were brimming too but he went to wipe Julian's away instead of his own. Julian did the same to Logan with a wry smile and Logan laughed, even though it caught in his throat and made another tear fall. Logan wiped his own tears away with the heels of his hands and took a deep breath.

"I'm going to miss you," he said simply, letting his hands fall back to Julian's waist.

"I'm going to miss you too," Julian said, his voice was thick.

Logan leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on Julian's forehead. Julian closed his eyes at the contact and another tear fell down his face.

"I love you," he whispered, his breath on Logan's neck.

Logan pulled him into a tight hug, "I love you too."

He clung to Logan's back and let his shaking body calm down in Logan's arms. Too soon, his body stopped trembling and Logan pulled away.

"You have to go," Logan said, sniffing once.

Julian nodded and went to take his suitcase from Logan.

"Bye, Jules," Logan said quietly.

"Bye," Julian said.

He put a hand on Logan's. He hesitated, their eyes locked. They lingered like that for a moment, just caught in each other's eyes.

Logan placed one last lingering kiss on Julian's trembling lips. Julian let his eyes close and didn't open them for a moment after Logan's lips had left him.

Julian steeled himself to leave and turned away from before he could look at Logan and find himself in his arms again.

Julian began going through the motions of security without any conscious effort. He was remembering the perfection of these past couple of weeks and everything they had shared.

He could still feel Logan's lips on his in their first searing kiss. He could remember the first time they woke up together, Logan singing softly in his ear. He remembered the way that Logan sounded when he sang to him. He remembered the exact way he sounded when he said _I love you_.

Those were the memories that were going to keep him going while they were apart.

Logan watched Julian make his way through the almost empty security check and assured himself that it wasn't goodbye. He would be Julian's for as long as he wanted him.

He let out a sigh and leaned agains the wall, hands in his pockets, eyes following Julian.

Ten minutes later and Julian was on the other side of security, still in Logan's line of sight.

Julian finished putting his shoes on and stood. He glanced back to where he had left Logan and his eyes fell on Logan almost immediately.

His heart leapt at the sight, and he watched as Logan raised a hand to wave goodbye.

Julian felt his breath catch as he did the same.

He forced himself to walk away, but he glanced back over his shoulder right before he disappeared through the doorway to the terminal and Logan was still watching.

_For life..._

That's what Logan had said.

Julian desperately hoped he had meant it.

_Fin_

* * *

><p><em>an: I'd like to say to you all that I had a really really fantastic time writing this story and I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for being patient with me and reading. To my reviewers, you are wonderful. To my readers, I love you. I am feeling pretty sad that this is over but I hope you liked it while it lasted. I hope you have a safe and happy New Years and I hope you liked the end of the chapter._

_I'm coming to the end of the Adele album which I put in for the last time while writing/editing this story and it's making my heart hurt a little. I love you all!_

_If you'd like to stay in touch, leave me PM whenever and we can swap stories and whatnot_

_All my love!_

_Liz_


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